Living a Dream

I decided not giving a fuck would be the best option for all. It always has been, at least for me.

When people tortured me throughout my school years, weather it was my grades, that were always A's, my appearance, that I always kept 'different' that others, but they weren't abnormal clothes, they just weren't typical for a society so full of stereotypes and of such closed mind; the fact that I played the guitar, and I'm a girl, apparently that is absurd. But, despite that, I kept my head high, walked strongly on my feet and kept pushing forward without looking back. It was hard; it really was, especially for someone as emotional as me.

I used to cry just seeing people cry, but growing up I managed to control my vulnerability. I needed to. I had no one to turn to, to just talk, I cried in my room, alone. No knocks on the door no wondering how I was. I was my own best friend. And yet, I made it.

Apparently that technique worked, so, once again, I will use it to move forward.

The familiar fake smile once again was on my face as it never left. But I knew my eyes didn't match my expression. My hazel eyes didn't have the glow they had when my genuine smile was on. But, that wasn't important; nobody actually cared so much to look and knew me well to see the emptiness in them. I didn't need to worry about my cover being blown.

I took the schedule chart on the shelf above me and checked when the guys had their sound check. 4:30 pm. I took the phone out of the front pocked of my ripped jeans and unlock it to see the time. 4:09 pm. Gaaah, I need to tell the guys.

I get out of my bunk and head for the front of the bus. Matt K., Matt N., Jona and Lee were there, some playing xbox, some watching, others playing.

“Hey guys, you have a sound check in 20 minutes so get up.” They all grunt but not one of them actually gets up. “Oh, guys come on, you will do it anyways so better get going now and not be late than get going in the last minute and get bitched by Rick.” Rick is the manager of the whole tour. He’s a great guy, loves music, but has an absolute OCD when it comes to being on time.

They nod in agreement and start getting up. Lee turned off the xbox and the big plasma TV.

“’Er’s Oli?” Matt N. asks.

“I don’t know.” I shrug.

Jona sighs. “I’ll find ‘im.” He gets off the bus with me and the guys following him.

Jona left looking for Oli while I and the rest of the guys went in the venue.

“Who ‘as a sound check before us?” Lee turned to me. I looked at the chart I brought with me. I found the time 4:30 pm and check the bend above. Falling In Reverse. That means Alexia is here. I’ll go hide. I mentally slap myself because of that thought at get back to ignoring.

I look up at Lee. “Falling In Reverse.” He nods and goes side stage.

I look around but don’t see anyone familiar. I plop down on the couch near me. Suddenly I feel really tired. I have gotten up really early and went to sleep pretty late, or should I say, early. The guys don’t need me from here so I doze off on the comfy couch.

I was woken up by someone’s laughter. I open my eyes, mentally ready to kill the person who woke me up.

Oliver.

“’Ow did yeh manage to fall asleep during the sound checks?!” He laughs. “Yeh must be realleh tired if yeh weren’t woken up by all the noise.” I look at him, annoyed. He just stares at me, laughing at me.

I get up and simply walk past him to the exit and head towards the buses with no word.