Status: It's going :)

Living a Dream

Bring The Wall Down And Build It Back Up Again

Another tour stop, an another drunken party. In the past two weeks of 'not giving a fuck' a lot of emotions started building up and I just hope that keeping them in will lead to them just disappearing because I do not want to deal with that. Or the consequences of that happening.
That just made me want to take advantage of this night and get hammered but I couldn't since the guys beat me to it and now I'm the baby sitter.

We had a deal at the beginning of the tour, whoever starts drinking last at party's can't get drunk because he needs to help the rest. I guess I was unlucky one to get to the Vodka last tonight.

I was in the far corner of the FIR bus, since they were the 'hosts' tonight, and just watching people turn into their other, drunken selves by the second. I was too focused on Derek, FIR's guitarist, who was smashing their TV into tiny pieces, that I didn't notice Oliver dragged himself to me.

"Angela Pangela!" He slurred loudly. I rolled my eyes at yet another nickname. I just hope this one does not stick.

"Why are yeh no' gettin' drunk with ozzzzzzzzzzzzz." He dragged the last letter. His accent stuck out even more when he was drunk so to people that didn't know him it was hard to understand him.

"'Cause I'm the one who needs to take you to your bus safely when this charade is over." I stated.

"'Oh, 'ome on, just a few shots of Jackyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." He hung his arm around me. His touch made me freeze in spot. I just shook my head 'no', knowing if I tried to say something, it would leave my mouth shaky and he would notice.

"Yeh no fun Angela Pangela!" He pouted. "Yeh sure?" He's stubborn even when he's drunk. I nodded, still not able to talk normally.

"Boooooo!" He moved his hand to his side and went back to the middle of the lounge and took another shot. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

So much of not letting the fucking emotions get to me.
I scanned the room but I found no sign of the girls what so ever. I sighed and plopped down on the chair closest to me. I guess this is going to be a boring night for me.

After thirty minutes of sitting in the uncomfortable chair in the back of the lounge, quietly sipping my one and only allowed drink, I was starting to think about killing my self out of boredom.

Just as I was about to get out of my chair and the bus, leave the guys to them selves, someone plops down on the chair next to me. I look to my right and there's Oliver, even more so drunk that he was half an hour ago.

"Angela Pangela, I'm sorreh for callin' yeh borin'. Well actually for callin' yeh no' fun." He smiles drunkenly and I just give him a confused look.

"Yeh are fun, an' awesome, an' cool, an' yeh crazy as fuck, an' yeh pretty, an' did I mention yeh are fun?!" He slurs. My heart starts beating a bit faster. After all, drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts, right?!

Maybe then Alexia was right? Should I tell him? If he really thinks that, maybe he can have some, small, buried in him deep down feeling towards me? Just like that my night got a whole lot better.

"I'm gon' get another shot." He gets up and heads towards the booze table.

"Ang." I turn to my right again and see Jona. His facial expression makes my recently grown smile to disappear.

"Is everything ok Jona?" I ask as he sits down.

"I know 'ow yeh feel 'bout Olleh." He says calmly. I look up at his eyes, fear suddenly taking over me.

"Don't worreh, I didn't an' won't tell 'im." He states. "But, yeh are my friend, a good one too, an' I need to tell yeh something." He sighs.

"Are you okay?"
He nods. "I am but I don't know 'ow will yeh be when yeh hear this."

"What is it?" I urge.
"Oli 'as a girlfriend." And just like that, my mood swings to awful.

God, I feel like an idiot now for even thinking that he feels something, anything for me. Or that he even meant his words. Of course he has a girlfriend! Even if he didn't have one, I didn't stand a chance. How could I even have that minute of hope? Okay, I need to shift back to not giving a fuck. It's the only way, and this time I can't let my wall down. It needs to be up and strong all the time.

Jona's hand waving in front of my face jerks me out of my thoughts. "Ange! Ange!"
"Sorry, I spaced out." I apologize meekly.

"Are yeh okay?" He asks, concerned.
I nod."Yeah, I am." He doesn't seem to buy that but before he could say anything, I cut him off. "I really am fine." I reassure him. "I simply like him, it's a basic crush that will go away. Him having a girlfriend will even speed that up." I flash him a fake smile. He seems to buy that, thank God.

"So you're sober?" I ask him and he nods. "Good, you'll take care of the guys than, I'll go back to the bus. Before he can protest I make a beeline to the bus door and step off the bus. Warm breeze hits me and I get goosebumps because of the sudden temperature change. The AC is on at all of the buses so getting of them is a real temperature shocker.

I dig trough Jade's clutch that she let me 'watch' watch for her and finally find the pack of Marlboro's and take them out. I open the small carton box and take one cancer stick from it an put it between my lips. I grab a lighter from her clutch, too and lit up the cig.

I usually don't smoke, but I really needed something to relax me from the thought that there's 2 more months of this tour.
♠ ♠ ♠
sooooooooooooo sorry for the big pause between the updates!
I was in a big writers block, had no clue what to write because I don't have the whole story planned out from begging to end..working on it though, have some things in plan that I really hope you will like :))
Comment?? <3
Angie