Living a Dream

I was woken up the next morning by the piercing sound of my alarm clock going. I groaned and reached out to turn it off. I was worn out mentally and physically because of last night. I could ignore the physical one, but the mental one was just pure annoying. I felt like my mind was over-exaggerating.

I don't even know why I feel like this. Why? What makes me so attracted to him? Besides his looks. I don't even know him. I groaned once more and somehow managed to get out of my bunk.

I checked the main stage schedule and saw that the guys are supposed to be on stage at 5pm, meaning in an hour, and that's not going to be enough to wake them up if they're sleeping. And, knowing them, they are.

I open my suitcase and dig under my clothes for a special something Norah warned me I should have. I finally feel it under my fingers and pull it out. This will get them up. I blow the air horn for 10 seconds straight. I hear a loud thud from the bunk above me. Oli’s up. I chuckle.

He opens his bunk’s curtains actually looking – happy? I quirk an eyebrow.
“Good morning?”

“Yes it is.” I get even more confused.
“Wait, did I get this right? I just woke you up. With an air horn. At 4pm. When you usually still sleep. And you’re happy?”
“Yea.” He nods a smirk playing on his lips.
“Ooookay.” I say, still confused.

“Yeh wonderin’ why I’m ‘appy?” His smirk got bigger.
“Not really.” I say slowly turning around to see if the others woke up and in the corner of my eye I notice his smirk falling from his face and one appears on mine.

I see all of the guys crawling, yes crawling, out of their bunks. I blow the horn once more and they groan in unison.
“Stop that!” Matt N. yells looking annoyed as fuck.
I laugh. “Make me.” I tease. He makes a step towards me but steps right back. I flash him a confused look. “Too tired to be chasin’ yeh ‘round the bus this early in the mornin.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s 4pm!”
“Like I said, early in the mornin’.”

"So, Olleh, why are yeh so 'appy?" Jona asks and then looks at me like he's saying 'listen to this'. I quirk an eyebrow but still stay where I am.
"'Cause Amanda's comin' to tonight's show." I look up and see Jona giving me a sympathetic look. I shake my head at him, hoping he understood that it means it doesn't bother me.

"Come on!" I clap my hands. "Get ready, eat some breakfast, or lunch for that matter. You're on at 5pm!"

They all go in the front area and I let out a sigh I didn’t even know I was holding.

My phone buzzing from my bunk snaps me from my blank stare at the wall. I quickly find it on my bed and a sudden hit of sadness and nostalgia hits me when I see the ID of the caller.
Mum

I accept the call quickly. “Mama!(Mum!)”

“Angelita!” I smile at my mum’s old nickname for me. “Kako si?(How are you?)Jeli se zabavljaš tamo?(Are you having fun there?)”

“Sve je super.(Everything is great)” I lie. “A tu? Kako su svi? (And there? How is everyone?)”

“Ovdje je sve dobro, fališ nam, ali nam je drago šta učiš novo o onome što voliš i što se zabavljaš. (Everything is good here, we miss you, but we’re glad that you are learning about what you love and that you’re having fun.)” I could hear sadness in my mum’s voice and it brought tears to my eyes.

I know if she heard me crying, it would break her heart and she would know something else was wrong, my mum just knew me, so I made up an excuse to hang up and told her I would call her later. I felt bad for not telling her everything, but she would want to just fly here right then and there and I didn’t want that.

Tears were now sliding down my face and I didn’t want anyone to see me so I hurried out of the bus and turned my head so the guys couldn’t see me cry. I hate that the most. I hate when people see me cry. They see me vulnerable, and they think every little thing makes me cry so they need to watch what they say in front of me, which is not true. Not a lot of people understand that, or understand me, so I do not cry in front of them. There isn’t a person I cried in front of besides my close family.

I stepped off the bus and got to the back of it and slid down it and sat on the slightly warm concrete, my back resting on the cold metal. Tears were now sliding down my face furiously, images of my family, friends, my home town were now flooding my mind and I just wanted to be back there for a minute. Like ‘old times’ even though I was away for not even 2 months.

I was out of breath from all the sobbing but my tears were not stopping. My face was hidden in the palms of my hands and my chin was resting on my knees. A loud sob shook my body and a pair of hands sneaked around my torso. I parted my palms a bit just to see who it is and seeing the arms were full on tattooed ones I know instantly who it was.

I look up to see Oliver’s concerned and sympathetic piercing hazel eyes looking straight into mine. Another tear rolled down my cheek and he whipped it away. I just buried my head in his chest and said nothing and he didn’t either, what I was thankful for. He just stroked my hair silently.

When reality hit me, I got up in a millisecond. He gave me a confused look. “Ange…”He started.

“I’m fine, really. Just homesick.” I nodded, more for mine reassurance than his.

He was about to say something else, probably something about how it’s okay to cry but I cut him off. “I’m fine.” I repeated and put on one of best fake smiles ever, the only smiles I’m good at.

An hour later, I was sitting in my bunk listening to music while the guys were having their set. I was trying to get some more sleep but I just couldn’t. One simple, horrible realization kept me awake.
I actually cried in front of someone. And none other than Oliver. I guess that’s the answer to my previous question ‘why?’.