A List of Best Intentions

Do you really think I cared if my parents grounded me?

If you do, you’re an idiot.

‘Cause I couldn’t care less.

I was gonna go to that Third Eye Blind concert I’d planned on attending, even if it killed me.

Buying the ticket wasn’t hard. I just said I was going to the library and took a bus downtown to the arena instead, where they were sellin’ ‘em. I should have counted my blessings that it worked, but it was one of those excuses that would only work once. Every teenager’s gotta sneak out at some point.

I’ve seen movies. I saw how kids snuck out – they gather some pillows and put it under their sheets, and then out the window they go. Piece of cake.

Sort of.

I didn’t get caught, if that’s what you’re thinking. It was just real hard since despite living in a one-story house, my window was high from the ground. That tender spot between my legs wasn’t exactly happy about that, I’ll put it that way.

So, alright. For a second I realized that the concert alone didn’t fulfill my duties as a list keeper, since I needed to actually meet the members. Thank God it hit me, so I spent a little extra money on a backstage pass in the nick of time. Good deal. And since Cody was a good noodle whose dad was totally cool with him doin’ social stuff, Cody didn’t even have to make a lame excuse to get his ticket and pass – he just asked his dad and his old man agreed to it.

I smiled all week, man.

But after spending the concert money ‘till the last penny, I couldn’t afford bus fare. And I couldn’t wrack my brain to come up with an excuse to hound more money from my parents, knowing my situation.

Like a ray of light from Heaven, Cody’s twenty-year-old sister Kara came home from college for the weekend of the concert.

Well…that probably wouldn’t be the best way to say it. We didn’t get along growing up, and neither did her and Cody, fighting like siblings always did. Luckily, she was a party girl who was always at popular concerts and a primary reason she came home was to see Third Eye Blind an hour away in Atlanta.

Cody seemed to be afraid of her, as usual. I wasn’t surprised. She was kind of a nightmare, and even her dad seemed to think she had a little bit of Satan in her. The only thing she had in common with her little brother was the bleach-blonde hair with three inches of dark roots growing in, which Cody already had naturally.

When we were in elementary school, I kind of had the hots for her. A lot of the boys in our neighborhood did, so I guess it was natural. She really was pretty, even if she would probably rip my nuts off for saying that.

Cody didn’t say I was going, to cover my butt, since his dad would probably blab to my folks about it all. It raised a few questions from his dad, especially knowin’ that he and Kara weren’t exactly on the best terms, but in the end, everything turned out fine. I had a feeling that that night would be one of the best of my life.

“Get in the car, twerp. Your parents prob’ly already called the cops on you.”

I followed Kara’s orders and ducked into her tiny car next to Cody, who was already in the backseat. My heart was lurching and my palms were sweating, but since I was safe, I guess I didn’t really need to be nervous.

Just let go, I told myself. After a while of self-reassurance I finally did it, and by the time I did, we were at the arena, looking for a parking spot.

“You got the passes, right?” Kara asked us. We nodded in unison. I pulled mine out of my pocket to wear it like a necklace. I looked kind of stupid, though I didn’t care – years from now, if it all worked out, it could pass as a badge of honor. Once Third Eye Blind hit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I thought, it’d totally be worth something.

With the slam of three car doors, all three of us were in the VIP line, eager as anything. Cody and Kara looked cool as cucumbers, but I was kind of losing my head. I mean, come on! This was Third Eye Blind! A concert just before their second album “Blue” came out! Even writing this now, I still get a little excited, thinking back at how much I loved ‘em and thought they were the best band to grace my ears.

With minutes to spare, we got in the line full of hot girls. I swear, like, every other patron was another Kara…my face heated up, and Cody fidgeted as the crowds came. We were teenage boys, alright? We knew when to be courteous, and that was one of those moments. I tried not to stare at anyone.

We were let in before all the others backstage, a special section also dedicated to us in the seats, but before we could rock out, we’d be shaking hands with the band itself…

They were all just sitting backstage, fiddling around with their respective instruments and doing slight warm-ups to prepare themselves for the show.

Of course, Stephan Jenkins walked over to Kara and smiled slyly. “Hey,” he said, shaking her hand.

She gave him a sexy stare, and Cody held in a laugh.

“Why don’t you have a heart and give me an autograph,” she sighed like a pro, fluttering her eyelashes. Stephan let out an airy laugh and pulled a pen out of his pocket.

“Where at, babe?”

She turned around, and he ended up signing her tank top. He looked a little disappointed when she walked away, pushing Cody and me up to the plate. (See? She didn’t totally hate us.)

“Hah…um…” I stuttered, standing in front of the towering frontman. Cody came prepared with a band shirt already and a magic marker. Steve didn’t need to mince words with him to know what Cody came here for. But I was a mess…this dude was a celebrity, and all I could do was babble like an idiot.

“What’s the matter? Didn’t expect me to be here?” Stephan teased.

I gulped. “Uh…”

Cody came to my rescue. “Oh, don’t mind him. He’s just being stupid, is all. Really, he just wants to meet you before Y2K comes. Isn’t that right, Kev?” He elbowed my side, acting oh so cool. Corndick. I wished I could do that.

“Huh. Well, glad to help out a cause,” Stephan shrugged, shaking my hand. My face split into a huge grin and I snatched the marker from Cody. “I’ll take it you want an autograph…here,” he added, poking a finger into my shoulder.

I turned around to let him sign his name. Kevin, the guitarist, was busy making out with Kara, and Cody’s face was a mixture of, “What’s going on here?” and, “How does that even happen?”

I didn’t even know Stephan was done until he handed the marker back to me, patting my arm with a crooked smile.

“Enjoy the show, my man.”

Psh. Are you kidding? I didn’t enjoy the show.

I lived it.

We were right in front of Kevin Cadogan’s amp, right next to the action as the band exploded right into “Semi-Charmed Life.” Girls were swarming left and right, a few crazy dudes dancing crazily too. Summer felt like it was in full force as they rocked each of the songs on their self-titled debut, and played a few new ones off “Blue.”

I wished…that…1999 could, like, never end. I prayed that somehow all of us could stay this way forever – not just me and Cody and Kara, but everybody on the whole planet. Maybe we’d be frozen in time in a moment that truly made us happy, and it never ended. Somehow, maybe, we’d never had to age or grow up, and we’d never have to face another bad day.

Or maybe…time could stop, or at least slow down long enough to savor this moment, a moment of peace. When I felt the music pulsing in my soul, the summer sun blazing in my brain, and the sensation of happiness bounding through my veins, I almost felt like the world would never end.

I guess it might have just been the euphoric effects of the music, but there was definitely something else there. Was it Cody? Nah. If it was him, I’d never frown ‘cause he’s always there. It could’ve been Kara, I guess. Psh. No, I barely knew her.

Was it the freedom?

Yeah…yeah, I think it was.

Just for once I felt like I didn’t have teachers or adults barking orders at me. Like there were no deadlines, or boundaries, or rules I had to abide by. As if I could jump high enough and shoot right up into the sky.

It’s the best feeling, you know? Better than love. Greater than comfort. You can’t love unless you have the freedom in your mind to think in such a manner. And you can’t have comfort unless you have the freedom to think about love.

No matter what would happen, though – whether it was the world ending or just getting grounded – I’d always have my mind. Unless in the future, they came up with some insane way to bind your thinking, I could never be limited in my mind. Even if the stone age was bound to happen all over again, you don’t need technology to think.

And then in mere minutes, it felt like, the concert was over.

In a flash, Cody and Kara and me were back driving in her beaten-up sedan, blasting some more Third Eye Blind like we just couldn’t get enough. I won’t lie. I sang along to every song just like I did a half hour ago, not stopping until my throat was so sore I couldn’t breathe.

They were singing too, still hung up. Who could blame us?

I unbuckled myself with not an objection from the Thomas siblings and opened the sunroof. Even if it was nearing midnight, the air was hot and thick as if the sun was beating down as I stood up, poking my body through the roof.

Kara drove fast, making the wind fill my shirt like a parachute. I half-expected I’d fly out and smash down on the pavement and break my other wrist, but as the air stung my eyes and lifted me higher, I couldn’t keep a smile in.

The CD moved into another track. Out of instinct, the lyrics rolled off my tongue like I was born to sing:

“’Cause all I wanna do
Is be there for the things
That you’re going through
Is it good for you?
Is it good for you?”

Despite the volume my voice was at, it attracted no attention. I didn’t care if I got publicity. I just wanted to get everything off my chest.

“’Cause you are the nights
When I don’t know where my life should go
Well is it good for you?
Is it good for you!?”