Broken Arms and Busted Teeth
How I Acquired Danger Days
Today, I went to the city. I was particularly excited about this little trip, because I was 40 minutes away from getting the CD I had longed for for a whole sling of days and months and even years. That CD was Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys by My Chemical Romance.
I jumped in the backseat (because my brother, Joseph, was sitting in the front. Apparently, he is "too big" for the backseat), and I hollered at cars passing by, and basically imitated my dog Muse.
So, there I was with my brother and father, whom were acting like they had no idea what all the fuss was about. They clearly did not, because in my eyes (and ears) it was the CD I knew I was going to love forever. We got to the mall at approximately 1200 hours, and I ran like a motherfucker to those doors. Never have I been so excited to touch those dirty doorhandles. I raced throughout the mall, getting lost about 5 times, but finally there I was. Standing in front of the CD store, mouth watering with anticipation.
"Oh my God," I whispered, as a single tear slid down my cheek.
"God, Ida. Calm down. It's just a CD," said Joseph in that voice that he has.
"Wait, wait, wait. Hold the fuck up. Did I just hear that correctly? Just a CD?! Y'know what, Joe? Fuck you and your fucking hat that you fucking have." I replied.
He laughed and mocked me. But I did not care, because I was about to purchase a work of art. I felt like I was buying something more important than my own casket. Finally, I rushed into the store and looked around like a mad woman. And there it was. On the New Releases stand. In all its glory and unholiness. I snatched it off the shelf and walked impatiently to the counter. Some redheaded asshole was in front of me, so I kicked that cocksucker in the back of the knee and discreetly walked over them after they had fallen to the ground, writhing in pain. I snickered and handed over the masterpiece to the pimply cashier.
"Is that it for today?" they asked.
"Of course it is. How could I come here to purchase this wonderful disc, only to have some simple piece of shit clouding my thoughts with techno and horrible poetry? This is what I have wanted for years, man. YEARS. So, the next person who comes in here and hands over a copy of this work of art, do not ask them 'Is that it?' because that is it. It will be what they've always wanted." I replied.
"Wow. Okay. Well, that will be $19.68."
"That is the exact year that my father was born. What a splendid number for this splendid symphony." I smiled and handed over a $20 bill. They grabbed it quite greedily from my hand and placed it inside of the cash register. Once they handed over my change, I bolted and yelled "Oh my God" while pesky onlookers watched me. I didn't care, because I had finally gotten it. I spotted my brother and father in the bookstore and screeched that I was going to be in the car. They nodded and I skipped to the doors and skipped once again when I stepped outside.
I jumped in the backseat (because my brother, Joseph, was sitting in the front. Apparently, he is "too big" for the backseat), and I hollered at cars passing by, and basically imitated my dog Muse.
So, there I was with my brother and father, whom were acting like they had no idea what all the fuss was about. They clearly did not, because in my eyes (and ears) it was the CD I knew I was going to love forever. We got to the mall at approximately 1200 hours, and I ran like a motherfucker to those doors. Never have I been so excited to touch those dirty doorhandles. I raced throughout the mall, getting lost about 5 times, but finally there I was. Standing in front of the CD store, mouth watering with anticipation.
"Oh my God," I whispered, as a single tear slid down my cheek.
"God, Ida. Calm down. It's just a CD," said Joseph in that voice that he has.
"Wait, wait, wait. Hold the fuck up. Did I just hear that correctly? Just a CD?! Y'know what, Joe? Fuck you and your fucking hat that you fucking have." I replied.
He laughed and mocked me. But I did not care, because I was about to purchase a work of art. I felt like I was buying something more important than my own casket. Finally, I rushed into the store and looked around like a mad woman. And there it was. On the New Releases stand. In all its glory and unholiness. I snatched it off the shelf and walked impatiently to the counter. Some redheaded asshole was in front of me, so I kicked that cocksucker in the back of the knee and discreetly walked over them after they had fallen to the ground, writhing in pain. I snickered and handed over the masterpiece to the pimply cashier.
"Is that it for today?" they asked.
"Of course it is. How could I come here to purchase this wonderful disc, only to have some simple piece of shit clouding my thoughts with techno and horrible poetry? This is what I have wanted for years, man. YEARS. So, the next person who comes in here and hands over a copy of this work of art, do not ask them 'Is that it?' because that is it. It will be what they've always wanted." I replied.
"Wow. Okay. Well, that will be $19.68."
"That is the exact year that my father was born. What a splendid number for this splendid symphony." I smiled and handed over a $20 bill. They grabbed it quite greedily from my hand and placed it inside of the cash register. Once they handed over my change, I bolted and yelled "Oh my God" while pesky onlookers watched me. I didn't care, because I had finally gotten it. I spotted my brother and father in the bookstore and screeched that I was going to be in the car. They nodded and I skipped to the doors and skipped once again when I stepped outside.
♠ ♠ ♠
This is clearly an exaggeration, but that always makes things more interesting anyways.