My Teenage Bucket List

“Colbie,” someone whispered.

I rolled over, dim light was coming from the hallway and I adjusted my eyes to look at whoever was speaking to me.

“Mom,” I answered.

“Come on honey, we need to get down to the bus.”

I glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. 4:12 a.m.

I groaned and sat up slowly, my head spinning.

“You don’t have to get anything except for Muppet, Ooboo, and your blanket,” she said, “I’ll take your pillow,” she grabbed the pillow from behind me and walked out of the room.

“Oh,” she turned as she stood in the doorway, “Wake up Taylor too.”

I rubbed my eyes and mumbled a, “Ok.” I looked over at the pile of blankets that was Taylor and groaned again. That was not going to be easy.

I stood up, and tucked Muppet and Ooboo under my arm, and wrapped my blanket around me. I stood over her and just let myself fall on her.

She barely did anything except made a funny noise.

“Taylor,” I said, laying on her. She didn’t reply, “Taylor,” I said louder.

“Hm,” she groaned.

“Wake up or we are going to leave without you.”

She groaned again.

“I’m serious,” I said simply, “They got your stuff outside, grab your blanket and pillow and whatever else you need and get down to the bus.”

I got up off her and walked out of the room, listening behind me to make sure she was getting up. She was.

Half awake, I walked out into the living room, in my pajamas with Ooboo and Muppet and my blanket around me. My blanket was purple with doodle bugs on it (the car). And Muppet, did I mention I got him from Pattie when I was young?

I squinted when I walked in the room because of the lights.

I saw Chaz and Ryan sitting on either ends of the couch just as half asleep as I was. I weakly walked over and sat next to Chaz leaning against him and putting my head on his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I was so close to falling asleep after a minute that it was terrible when Kenny came in and said in a way too cheerful voice, “The party bus is ready!”

I groaned and so did Chaz.

He stood and I fell against the couch.

“Come on Colbs,” he said taking my hand and trying to pull me up.

“No,” I protested.

He sighed and then leaned down and picked me up bridal style.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my head against his chest. His heart beat was soft and rhythmic.

“You sure you want to carry her all the way down to the bus?” I heard Kenny ask.

“It’s fine, she’s as light as feather,” I heard him reply and his chest rumbled when he did.

“Ok, suit yourself,” he said, then he yelled, “Come on Justin!”

My eyes were closed so all I could do was listen to people talk and feel the heat come from Chaz.

“Aw,” I heard my mom say, “Thanks Chaz.”

“No problem.”

“Is she asleep?” Taylor’s groggy voice came.


“I think so. Colbs, you asleep?” he asked.

I decided to act asleep, so all I did was wiggle in his arms a little.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Taylor replied.

I felt him walk.

“Follow me outside everyone,” Pattie spoke.

I felt Chaz follow.

Soon I heard the ping of the elevator and everyone walked inside.

“So this is Colbie?” an unfamiliar voice spoke.

“Yup, Scooter and Ryan, meet Colbie,” Pattie said. I heard the smile in her voice.

“Nice to meet you Colbie,” the other voice spoke. I guess it was Scooter, Justin’s manager, and Ryan Good, his stylist or something.

Sadly I didn’t know which one was which and I didn’t wanna check, I was too lazy.

It was quiet for a minute then Chaz spoke.

“Quit staring at her Justin, it’s creepy,” he chuckled, so did Ryan.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Soon the elevator pinged again and everyone began to walk out.

I heard some people talking and soon I felt the cool ocean breeze as they stepped outside.

Then he was walking up some steps and into the bus.

I felt myself being set down and I let my arms come loose from around his neck.

He took my blanket and pulled it up over me and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. He softly kissed my nose and crinkled my face a little. He chuckled.

Then I heard some curtains close and it was silent. I opened my eyes a little and it was so dark I couldn’t see anything. So I just hugged Muppet and Ooboo into me and slowly fell back asleep.



Soon my body forced me to wake up. A migraine had erupted in my head and I sat up with splitting pain.

I reached down for the bag at my feet on my bed and opened the front pouch pulling out some pills. I opened the container and swallowed the pills without water. I just wanted the pain to go away.

I laid back down and tried to relax as the pain in my head slowly faded. Thank God for pain killers. At least while I was on my way to Him I could be in less pain.

As I lay there, it was quiet in the bus. I heard a TV on though. I guess Pattie and my mom were watching the morning soaps.

The pain had fully disappeared now and I slowly reached back over to my bag and pulled out my notebook. I wanted to look at my list so far. The only person who knew about my list was my mom. And that was only because she had found it once.

I held my composition notebook that covered in doodles by me and Taylor from school and I flipped to the page with my list on it:

Find him, smack him and leave.
Wrestle with a guy.
Swim in the ocean again.
Meet Taylor Swift.

The first four items were already crossed out.

The next item on my list was; Be a couch potato for an entire day.

Well, might as well do that one! That meant I could stay in my pajamas, leave my bed head as it is, and drag my blanket and stuffed animals around with me. I won’t even bother to do anything physically strenuous.

I put my book back in my bag and opened my curtains to go out into the ‘living room’ so to speak. I had glanced out the window only to see moving cars and passing trees.

I walked out where the majority of people where. My mom and Pattie were indeed watching TV and Ryan was getting something out of the fridge. Taylor was also sitting on the couch by Pattie with a bowl of cereal. Ryan’s head was in the fridge and his butt was sticking out so I playfully smacked it.

“Whoa!” he said, turning to look at me. He laughed, “Morning Colbie.”

I laughed too.

“Morning sweetie!” my mom greeted.

“Morning everyone,” I answered.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering where Taylor’s mom is too. Well, she had to go back home last minute because Taylor’s little brother broke his wrist in a baseball game.

I sat down on the couch between my mom and Taylor.

“There’s some cereal if you want some,” my mom told me.

“What kind?” I asked.

“Well, there Pops, Coco Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Cookie Crisp, and Cheerios,” she answered.

“Oh yum, Coco Pebbles,” I stood and went over to the cabinet and pulled out the box of Coco Pebbles. Ryan had gone back to his bunk so I pulled out the milk and poured them both into a bowl. 


I got a spoon and soon when back into my bunk to be nothing but a lump today. There was a TV in my bunk so I had everything I needed.

I climbed onto my bed flicked on my TV and ate my cereal in peace while watching Four Weddings on TLC.

When I was done I checked the time. 8:12 a.m.

I watched TV for a little while longer and soon I was getting tired again. So I flicked the TV off and snuggled back down into my blankets.

I was just about to fall asleep too when my curtains were yanked open and Chaz was there.

“Mornin’ lil lady!” he greeted, “Mind if I join you?”

I rolled my eyes and said, “Sure,” while scooting over for him.

He climbed on the bed and lay next to me, “Why so quiet?”

I sighed and cuddled into my pillow, “I was actually going to take a nap.”

“Oh,” Chaz said sadly, “You want me to leave?”

I smiled and looked up at him. I was lying down and he was sitting up, “Nah. I need some company.”

He smiled back down at me, “Sweet!”

I laughed and he chuckled.

For the rest of the day we hung out in my bunk and watched movies making fun of the background characters.

We were laughing so hard my sides hurt, in the good way too. I hadn’t laughed like this in forever! I hadn’t felt this good in a long time either. Laughing must be good for your health.

We just finished laughing about something Chaz said when the credits on the movie began to roll.

My mom poked her head into my bunk and said, “It’s already 3:30 guys. In about an hour we will be arriving at the hotel.”

“Wow really?” I asked.

“Yup! You want anything?” she asked.

“Water please!” Chaz said.

“Me too,” I smiled.

“Ok,” my mom smiled and left.

Chaz and I lay there in silence for a few minutes, until Chaz spoke.

“So, when are you expected to...,” he trailed off.

I knew what he was trying to ask. And I didn’t blame him for asking questions. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.

I sighed, “Well, I was diagnosed about 2 and a half months ago. So around February of next year?”

I didn’t want to look at him. That wasn’t very far away.

He moved to lay on his side and face me.

“Who are you going to miss the most?” he asked.

I glanced over at him and looked into his brown eyes.

“Well, definitely my family. Taylor. Gee, I don’t know what she’s gonna do without me. Hopefully she’ll move on,” my eyes began to fill with tears, “Now that I’ve gotten to see you and Ryan again, I’ll miss you a lot. And yes. Even thought we aren’t on the best of terms, Justin is one of the people I’ll miss the most,” a tear ran down the side of my face because I was laying on my side.

Chaz just stared at me with soft eyes.

I kept going, “In some ways,” I wiped my face off, “Parts of me wants to tag the blame on someone. Like, say it was Justin’s fault for leaving, or it was my fault for being born this way. When we first found out I wanted to blame God for giving me this disease. But,” I rolled over on my back, “I know it’s not anyone’s fault and God must have given me this problem for some reason.”

I looked over at Chaz as I wiped my face and sniffled. He smiled back and scooted closer to me and hugged me into him.

“I’ll miss you more than you could ever know,” he said to me.

I felt loved right then and there. I hadn’t seen Chaz in years and yet he still kept that space for me in his heart.

That was the best feeling I had had in ages.



I walked out of my room in the back to go get me and Chaz something to drink and see when we were going to arrive at the hotel.

But I stopped outside of Colbie’s bunk when I heard Chaz’s voice. A pang of jealousy ran through me. Why did Chaz get to hang out with her and not me? Oh, that’s right, because I screwed that up single handedly.

“Who are you going to miss the most?” I heard him ask her.

How could he ask such an insensitive question?!

She didn’t hesitate before she answered, “Well, definitely my family. Taylor. Gee, I don’t know what she’s gonna do without me. Hopefully she’ll move on,” she paused.

“Now that I’ve gotten to see you and Ryan again, I’ll miss you a lot. And yes. Even thought we aren’t on the best of terms, Justin is one of the people I’ll miss the most.”

Once I heard my name it felt like someone pinched me. I almost wanted to smile because she actually said she would miss me.

It was silent for a second and she went on.

“In some ways,” she paused again, “Parts of me wants to tag the blame on someone. Like, say it was Justin’s fault for leaving,” the pinch came again, “or it was my fault for being born this way. When we first found out I wanted to blame God for giving me this disease. But,” it sounded like she was moving on the bed, “I know it’s not anyone’s fault and God must have given me this problem for some reason.”

I felt really bad. Of course ever since she showed up here, I’ve felt bad. I had always felt like this was my fault and I still do. But, hearing her say those things made me feel a little better because she didn’t feel like it was my fault.

I heard her sniffle and there was movement again.

Then Chaz spoke, “I’ll miss you more than you could ever know.”

I knew that sound in his voice. He was doing the unthinkable.

He was falling for my girl. My Colbie.

I huffed and went back to getting drinks for me and Ryan.