***in' Perfect
I'm A Goddamn Rockstar
Zack POV-
I thought about what Lexi said, but I just wasn't ready to be a dad and that was the bottom line. Yeah, I know, I should've thought about it before I had unprotected sex with Alli. I still cared about Alli, but things were different now. She was happy with someone else, someone who already had a kid, someone who knew how to be a dad. I picked up the phone and called Alli. "Hello?" she answered. "Hey, can we meet up and talk? It's...it's about Belle," I said. "Yeah, sure, when? Where?" she asked. "I don't know. Here? Soon?" I replied. "Um. Okay...I'll be there soon. Do you want me to bring her?" she asked. "No...I don't think that would be a good idea," I replied. "Okay. Zacky, is everything okay?" Alli asked. Zacky...she never called me Zacky. It was always Zack or Z. Never Zacky. Things really were over between us. "Yeah...I guess. Just...get here as soon as you can, okay?" I said. I hung up the phone without saying goodbye and rubbed my eyes. This wasn't going to be easy. "You okay?" Lexi asked, rubbing my back. I looked up at her and shook my head. "Not really," I answered. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked. "It's for the best. For me. For Belle. For Al...I love them both, but I'm not fit to be that little girl's father, Lex. Craig's a good guy. He's got experience. I just want to live my life the way I want to. I don't want to feel like I have to watch every step I take because I have a kid. I'm not a fucking role model, Lex. I'm a goddamn rockstar. I live a rockstar life. I don't want my kid modeling herself after me. I mean would you want me as a role model?" I asked. Lexi just stared at me. "Dumb ass question. I am your role model," I said. "You are my idol, yes...but you're not a bad person, Zack. Maybe you're not ready to be a daddy just yet, but you're not a bad one. Sure, you party. You're a rockstar, yes. But you're also one of the most intelligent, gifted, loving people I know," Lexi told me. "I just can't do it, Lex. I have to do this. I can't be her father. She deserves better."
I thought about what Lexi said, but I just wasn't ready to be a dad and that was the bottom line. Yeah, I know, I should've thought about it before I had unprotected sex with Alli. I still cared about Alli, but things were different now. She was happy with someone else, someone who already had a kid, someone who knew how to be a dad. I picked up the phone and called Alli. "Hello?" she answered. "Hey, can we meet up and talk? It's...it's about Belle," I said. "Yeah, sure, when? Where?" she asked. "I don't know. Here? Soon?" I replied. "Um. Okay...I'll be there soon. Do you want me to bring her?" she asked. "No...I don't think that would be a good idea," I replied. "Okay. Zacky, is everything okay?" Alli asked. Zacky...she never called me Zacky. It was always Zack or Z. Never Zacky. Things really were over between us. "Yeah...I guess. Just...get here as soon as you can, okay?" I said. I hung up the phone without saying goodbye and rubbed my eyes. This wasn't going to be easy. "You okay?" Lexi asked, rubbing my back. I looked up at her and shook my head. "Not really," I answered. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked. "It's for the best. For me. For Belle. For Al...I love them both, but I'm not fit to be that little girl's father, Lex. Craig's a good guy. He's got experience. I just want to live my life the way I want to. I don't want to feel like I have to watch every step I take because I have a kid. I'm not a fucking role model, Lex. I'm a goddamn rockstar. I live a rockstar life. I don't want my kid modeling herself after me. I mean would you want me as a role model?" I asked. Lexi just stared at me. "Dumb ass question. I am your role model," I said. "You are my idol, yes...but you're not a bad person, Zack. Maybe you're not ready to be a daddy just yet, but you're not a bad one. Sure, you party. You're a rockstar, yes. But you're also one of the most intelligent, gifted, loving people I know," Lexi told me. "I just can't do it, Lex. I have to do this. I can't be her father. She deserves better."