Abstract Sincerity

Kennedy’s eyes fluttered open to a room filled with light. At first she didn’t recognize where she was then she remembered that she was in Maryland. Not New York. She swallowed the lump in her throat and let her eyes droop shut as she turned over to her other side but she was not expecting to see Alex lying right next to her, with his arm draped over her.
She let out a little gasp, but a loud enough gasp to wake Alex up. He yawned, stretched, and rubbed his eyes. Kennedy moved a little closer to him without meaning to do so, but not upset that she had. He rewrapped his arm around her and cuddled a little closer. “Morning,” he said as she sat at his chest level, his head over hers.
“Hi,” she said. She couldn’t remember what had happened the previous night. She was sure that it was just because it was early in the morning.
“How did you sleep?” he asked, his eyes shut.
“Soundly,” she answered. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” he said then yawned again.
“Will you remind me what happened last night? I can’t seem to remember,”
“You don’t remember?” he asked, an amused tone colored his voice.
She shook her head. “Not really. I remember kissing you but that’s really all.”
“It was a great night, one of the best I’ve had in a while,” he told her and she looked up at him. She didn’t want to sleep with him – not while he had a girlfriend.
“You mean we slept together?”
“Would that be a bad thing?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered honestly. He was taken aback and looked down at her.
“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t have sex,”
She let out a little sigh of relief.
“Now can I ask you a question?” he asked, scooting away from her so that he could look her in the eye. His blonde hair was in front of his eyes again and Kennedy stroked it out of the way for him.
“Yeah,”
“Why would it be a bad thing if we had sex? You used to love having sex with me. Is it because you found someone better in bed so you feel like you’d be down grading?” he asked. He was trying to play it off as playful, but she could sense a hint of seriousness.
“I still love having sex with you, I do, but it would be bad because you have a girlfriend, Alex. We’ve done that before and I didn’t like it. It was different then when we were in high school because it didn’t really matter, but we’re in our twenties, Alex, we can’t pull petty shit like that anymore,” she told him.
“If Lisa and I weren’t together would we have had sex?”
She chuckled and bit her bottom lip, “More than likely,” she told him and he gave her a crooked smile.
“Is it wrong that I absolutely love and adore Lisa every moment of every day… until you walk into the room, until someone mentions your name, or until I hear your voice?”
Kennedy didn’t know what to say. She was the exact same way with him. Her heart stopped whenever she heard one of their songs on the radio or when they were talking. It was exactly like they were back in high school.
“Kennedy?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Alex. I’m sorry that you have a girlfriend and I’m sorry that we can’t be with each other now that you’re off of tour and we’re both grown up. I’m sorry,” she spouted.
Alex looked at her with sad eyes, “I don’t want you to be sorry,” he told her genuinely.
She chuckled.
“What?” he asked, amused at her unwarranted amusement.
“I’ve been here for a day and we’re already back to our old ways. I can only imagine what will happen when I’m going to be here for the next five or six months,” she said and he chuckled with her.
“Old habits die hard,” he said as though it were an excuse for their behavior.
“Do you feel bad?” she asked, turning on her back and looking at the ceiling.
“For what?”
“For toying with Lisa this way,”
He stayed silent for a minute. He thought about and processed her question. “I do, I do feel bad for putting her though this emotionally, but most of the time she doesn’t even know what’s going on between us. Sure, like last night, she’ll pick up on little things, but she doesn’t know, not really. So from that aspect, from her aspect, there’s nothing to feel bad for,” he told her.
She nodded because she understood. Most people wouldn’t understand what he was talking about, but Kennedy did. She understood what he meant and that he wasn’t trying to be mean about it, just honest. The two get mistaken too often.
“You know, I miss you every day,” he told her.
“I know that. I miss you, too. Luckily, most of the time my mind is distracted by work, so I try not to think about it too often because whenever I do it hurts,” she told him.
Everything was happening so rapidly. She’d only been here for a day yet both of them had fallen right back into step.
He turned on his side and she followed suit. Every inch of their bodies were touching, down to the toes, and she leaned in first this time and kissed him. She felt him on her leg and it brought back old memories of high school. He knotted his fingers in her hair and was starting to get really rough with her.
“Alex!” a voice yelled from downstairs. Alex’s face went straight and he jumped out of bed.
“Shit,” he cussed and put on his jeans and shoved his t-shirt under her pillow and ran out of the room without another word.
Kennedy laid there and bit her lip. She knew that she should leave because obviously this was going to be very tough to be with him and not be with him, but on the other hand she wanted to stay so that she could watch everything unfold.