Abstract Sincerity

Kennedy put on a pair of jeans and a smoky purple, long sleeved, knitted sweater before heading downstairs. She re-braided her hair off to the side in a casual way then walked down the stairs, waiting to see if she could hear Alex and Lisa talking about anything that she shouldn’t be hearing, but eavesdropping on.
She didn’t hear anything so she figured it was safe.
She didn’t see them in the living room so she continued on past and she walked into the kitchen to see Alex pressed up against the counter with Lisa leaning into him, on his chest, and tilting her head upward to kiss him. Kennedy felt a pang of jealousy that she was used to, but she cleared her throat in a loud, obnoxious manner and Lisa jumped back, startled.
Kennedy’s eyes connected with Alex’s and then she looked down at the ground. She really had no right to be jealous or upset, and she knew that, but her rational, logical thought didn’t stop her from feeling what she felt. She felt like Alex was hers and that Lisa had no claim on him even though that was very far from the truth.
Lisa sucked in a deep breath and gave Kennedy a smile, “How did you sleep?” she asked, obviously strained to make conversation since neither she nor Alex were talking.
“I slept fine, thanks,” Kennedy told her, but didn’t know what to ask back so they all just sat there in an awkward silence.
Lisa inched in towards Alex and he draped his arm around her, without even realizing he was doing it, but Kennedy noticed. Lisa touched Alex’s stomach the way couples do.
The way they touched each other, the way they moved with one another reminded her of her and Mike with each other. She no longer felt a pang of jealousy for Alex but a pang of heartache from missing Mike.
She started breathing heavily and her throat contracted and she had to stop the tears that we swelling in her eyes from dropping in streams down her face. She bit her bottom lip, looked down at the ground, and walked to the fridge to get water to help her throat.
“So,” she said and cleared her throat, “what’s the plan for today?” she asked after taking a big swig of her drink.
Lisa and Alex exchanged a look and then looked back at Kennedy.
“What?” Kennedy asked, not sure what the bad news was, but she knew it was bad news.
“Well, you see, we actually have plans with Lisa’s family today so we’re going to be out all day,” Alex told her slowly and apologetically, but only Kennedy caught it.
“Oh, I see. Well, that’s fine. I, just, um…,” she trailed off, thinking of what she could possibly do while Alex and Lisa weren’t in the house. She felt stupid for thinking that while she was there that Alex would spend every waking moment with Kennedy – she knew that was a dream, but she hadn’t really thought about it up until this point.
“I’m sorry, Kenne, but I have to go,” she told him.
“No, I don’t not want you to go,” she told him, knowing that her sentence made no sense, “I just need to think of something to do,” she finished.
“Well, we’re taking Alex’s car over there, so you can borrow my car for the day and then you can give it back to me when you get back tonight. We’ll probably be home around ten o’clock,” Lisa told her, nicely. Since Lisa was just so nice, sometimes it made it difficult for Kennedy to hate her.
“Are you sure? That’s very nice of you,” Kennedy told her.
“Absolutely I’m sure. I’m taking your friend away for the day and leaving you all by yourself, so absolutely – just take my car and I’ll get it back from you when I drop Alex off tonight,” she told her, giving her a smile while Kennedy returned. Lisa took the keys out of her purse and handed them to Kennedy.
“Thank you so much,” Kennedy told her and gave Lisa a hug. Luckily, they were about the same height so there was no awkwardness in it.
“It’s no problem,” she said and then they sat there for a moment in quiet. “Well, you should probably get ready, Alex, we need to go,” Lisa urged him and then Alex looked alert and gave Lisa a peck on the cheek before running out of the kitchen and up the stairs to change in his own bedroom.
Kennedy and Lisa stood in the kitchen awkwardly, neither of them really knowing what to say. They had been good friends at one point, but it was a little different now since Lisa knew all the intimacies of Alex’s and Kennedy’s previous relationship.
“Kennedy?” Lisa said, looking apprehensive about something, but deciding to go forward anyway.
“Yeah?” Kennedy asked, a little worried about what Lisa had to say.
“I know that you love Alex,” Kennedy went to protest, but Lisa held up her hand to stop her, “you don’t need to deny it from me – Alex may be oblivious but I am not. As I was saying, I know that you love Alex and that he loved you at one point but I want to make sure that if I don’t put up a fight about you being here that you will not try anything with my boyfriend. He and I have been dating for a very long time and have not had anywhere near as many problems as you guys have – we both know that I’m the better choice for him. I can’t lose him, Kennedy, I love him way too much and I rely on him too much, emotionally. He’s my everything and my entire world would come crashing down if you took him from me. So?” Lisa asked, looking up at Kennedy with sad eyes.
“I promise you that I will not do anything with Alex,” Kennedy said, hoping that she could keep that promise.
“Okay,” Lisa said and let out a big sigh. “I’m hoping that I can trust you, Kennedy. You’re going to be living here with Alex for quite a long time from what I understand and I would really like it if we could just start over. We used to be good friends, but then it just kind of stopped when everything happened,”
“Yeah, I’d really like that, too,” Kennedy told her sincerely.
Alex came back into the kitchen, his hair in his eyes and panting. “What’d I miss?” he asked.
Kennedy and Lisa smiled at him, “Girl talk,” Lisa told him.
“Nothing you’d be interested in,” Kennedy added.
Lisa and Kennedy giggled.
Alex’s face went straight and his eyes went wide, “I don’t like the sound of that – I knew I shouldn’t have left you two along together,” he said in a panicked voice.
Lisa smiled and shook her head, “Come on, we got to get going,” she told him, walking breezily past Kennedy and towards Alex.
“Okay, you go get the car started, I need to talk to Kenne for a minute,” Alex told her and looked at Kennedy.
Lisa paused in the doorway and gave Kennedy a meaningful look before walking out of the room and outside. Alex ran his hands through his hair in a frustrated sort of way.
“What do you need to talk about?” Kennedy asked, wanting to keep her promise to Lisa as much as humanly possible.
“I’m sorry about all of this,” Alex told her softly, taking a few steps closer to her and placing his hands softly on her upper arms.
“About what?”
“About last night and then just leaving you alone today like this. I totally forgot about today,” he told her and tilted his head down and kissed her forehead.
“Don’t do that,” she told him and backed away, hurting that she had to make him stop.
A confused look spread across his face. “What? But last night…. What did Lisa talk to you about?” he asked in an accusatory tone.
“I can’t do that to her again, Alex. She loves you so much and she means so much to you,” she said and backed away a little more.
“You means so much to me, Kennedy – you mean more to me than anybody ever will,” he told her, taking the steps she’d taken away from him towards her.
“Alex, don’t. You need to go and be with your girlfriend who has never fucked you over or hurt you,” she told him. “I’ll be here when you get back and we… can talk then,” she told him with a shrug of her shoulders.
The look on his face was serious but he knew that she was right.
“Okay, but don’t expect to get out of it,” he told her, pointing a finger at her.
“I promise,” apparently she was making promises all around today.
“Give me a kiss and then I’ll leave,” he told her and bent in towards her. She stood on her tippy toes and gave him a barely-there kiss on the lips and then he said goodbye and left the house with his girlfriend.
Barely there for a day and already everything was so complicated.
Her phone started ringing from the other room and she jumped up to get it. “Hello?” she answered.
“Kennedy? Hey, I need you to check some of the files you have because we need one of the statements you have for a case,” her boss told her over the phone. Luckily, her work bag was still downstairs so she grabbed it and started going through the interviews.
“Which one?”
“Lauren Vertkin,” he told her. She searched through her bag until she found the document of her statement. Kennedy read it off to him and told him that she’d fax it as soon as possible.
She got off the phone and bit her bottom lip again.
She started searching through her contacts throughout her phone and saw Jack’s number. She pressed call and it rang five times before she heard a, “Hello?”
“Jack? It’s Kennedy,” she greeted him merrily over the phone.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I was just wondering, what are your plans for today?”

[.x.x.x.] [.x.x.x.] [.x.x.x.]

Kennedy sat in the coffee shop that she used to go to all the time when she was in high school and she nursed a 16 oz. nonfat latte. Memories of her, Alex, and Jack sitting in the café came flooding back to her. She couldn’t believe that after so much time and after so much had happened, that she was back here – the place she had so long desired to get away from.
“Hey there, pretty lady. You new in town?” asked a guy with a southern drawl from behind her. She turned around to see who was hitting on her, but it was Jack with his hand on the back of her chair and a smile spread wide across his face.
She giggled, “Your southern accent has greatly improved since high school,” she told him as she got up from her seat to give him a hug. His arms wound tightly around her and she took in the scent of him – it hadn’t changed since he was a teenager.
“Well, I do give it great practice,” he told her as they both pulled away. He took the seat across from her. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course,”
“Giving you hugs is more awkward than giving Lisa hugs,” he said with a laugh and shook his head.
She laughed with him, “Why do you say that?” she didn’t know whether or not to take offense. Was he saying that he felt more uncomfortable giving her hugs than Lisa?
“Because you’re shorter than Lisa! I never thought anybody would be shorter than Lisa,” he told her. The way he said it stung her a little bit. She was getting territorial with her family, Alex and Jack – they were her family, but she felt like they’d be taken over from her by Lisa. Which, when she took a step back and thought about it, made no sense because Jack and Alex hadn’t been her family for a very long time. She’d hardly kept in contact with them for the past five years and now she felt like someone, who’d been dating Alex for those five years, was stepping in on her territory.
“How are you doing with being in the same house as Alex?” he asked, just like nothing had ever changed. It was like they were still back in high school and Alex and Kennedy had just started their first round of their secret relationship.
She gave a smile, “Its fine,” she told him with a shrug. Even though everything was like it was the same, she knew that it wasn’t. She knew that nothing was the same as it was when they were in high school – she hadn’t talked to Jack in nearly five years and now he expected her to confide in him.
“Anything that the girlfriend wouldn’t approve of?” he asked, eyeing her in a suspicious way.
She was taken aback. How dare he accuse her of something when he hadn’t even had the courage to call her in the last five years. She knew this was a mistake because Jack was no longer her friend – he was a kind of friend, more like an acquaintance, but not a friend anymore. They would have to be together more often like back in the day to reach friend status again.
“No, Alex and I haven’t done anything,” Kennedy lied.
It hurt her to say that she no longer trusted Jack, but, truth-be-told, she didn't trust anyone from Maryland anymore - it was probably the New Yorker in her.

[.x.x.x.] [.x.x.x.] [.x.x.x.]

Kennedy had been sitting in Lisa’s car for a little over three hours in the parking lot of the coffee shop she’d been at with Jack earlier. She had the radio on and was listening to tons of depressing music, thinking over her relationship, or lack thereof, with Alex.
She knew that she should just call up Zack and ask if she could stay with him because, even though they hadn’t talked in several years, it wouldn’t take them nearly as long to get back into the swing of things as it would Jack and Kennedy. Not to mention that if she stayed with Zack she could pretty much guarantee that she and Alex would stop whatever it was they were doing.
She picked up her phone and dialed Zack’s number; her thumb hovered over the call button. She couldn’t press down on it, she couldn’t call it and ask Zack one simple favor.
She let out a sigh, shut her phone, and threw her head back so that it hit the head rest.
She looked at the time and realized that it was just after midnight. She started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot and started driving back to Alex’s house. She got lost along the way, but luckily she’d lived in Maryland long enough to figure out how to get back.
She couldn’t stop thinking of the night before; the way he hovered over her, their lips barely touching yet connecting so passionately, the way his hands crept up her sides and slid over her silky skin, the way his lips brushed against her collar bones and it sent her gasping. They were always so intimate without ever being really intimate. She thought that while all of that was going on, that that was one of the most intimate moments they have ever shared and they had shared a lot.
She pulled up into his driveway and got out of the car reluctantly. She stood on his porch for a minute and sucked in a few deep breaths, preparing to see Alex and Lisa making out and for her heart to be broken.
She opened the door and saw that the living room was empty. She knew that they were home – she had seen Alex’s car outside so she didn’t know where they could possibly be.
She checked the dining room and kitchen but they weren’t there either. She shrugged it off, set Lisa’s car keys down on the hip high table in the hallway and walked upstairs to her bedroom. She lounged on her bed and started pulling out case files when she started to hear some noises. She couldn’t place them and she couldn’t tell if they were even really there because they were so muffled.
She stopped moving and listened intently, waiting to hear more.
“Oh, god, Alex,” she heard Lisa cry from the next room over. Kennedy’s eyes widened and she pulled back a little. She heard a few more moans and squeaks and then a little bit o screaming on both parts. She didn’t know what to do, so she sat still, waiting for the noise to subside.
She’d never heard people having sex before, besides herself, and she never thought she’d find herself in a situation where she’d have to hear people having sex. She didn’t know how to react.
After she got over the initial shock of hearing people having sex, she came to the realization that it was Alex who was having sex with someone… who was not Kennedy. She slouched down and rubbed her eyes.
Just as Kennedy let out a sigh her phone started to ring. “Hello?” she answered because she was expecting it to be her boss.
“Where are you?” a female voice boomed over the other end of the phone. Kennedy smiled.
“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you,” she told the other girl.
“Psh, try me,” the girl told her, a wave of music coming in from behind her voice.
“I’m in Maryland,” Kennedy said slowly, enunciating each word.
On the other end, the girl screamed loudly in astonishment, “What the fuck? Why the hell would you ever go back to that piece of shit, podunk place?” the girl asked, obviously amused at the idea of Kennedy being back in Maryland.
“Audrey, stop. Alex invited me,” Kennedy told Audrey slowly.
There was no response.
“Audrey?” Kennedy asked to make sure she was still on the line.
“Alex invited you?” Audrey asked in a sly tone.
“Yes, he did,”
“Really? And how does Mike feel about that?” Audrey asked, laughing loudly.
“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him. I haven’t seen him in a while,” Kennedy told Audrey, hoping that Audrey wouldn’t pry but knew that that was asking too much.
“What do you mean you haven’t seen him in a while? You two live together! Is it because of both of your guys’ busy work schedules? Oh, speaking of which, how did you like your anniversary surprise? I helped him set it up,” Audrey boasted and Kennedy was trying not to think too much about Mike.
“Audrey, there’s something I have to tell you,” Kennedy started.
“What? You didn’t like the surprise? I thought you’d love it!” Audrey continued.
“No, it’s not about that,” Kennedy said, her tone getting serious which always alarmed Audrey.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Audrey asked, getting ready to hate whoever hurt her.
“Mike and I broke up,” Kennedy told her slowly, wishing that she didn’t have to relive the moment when he told her they were done.
“Why?” was all Audrey asked, but she asked it in a disbelieving tone.
“He said I worked too much and that he just couldn’t handle it anymore,” Kennedy told her, biting her bottom lip and letting her head flop back so that it was propped up on the purple wall behind her.
“I’m sorry, honey. But that doesn’t explain how you ended up in Maryland,”
“Well, a while after Mike broke up with me I got an out of the blue call from Alex inviting me to stay with him through March. I don’t know if I’ll stay that long, but I just needed to get out of New York,” Kennedy told her.
“Well, I hope you don’t stay though March because I miss you. I stopped by your apartment today to make you come out with me but you weren’t there so I assumed that you were working,” Audrey slurred. Kennedy could tell that Audrey was definitely getting hammered.
Kennedy chuckled, “Go have fun; I don’t want to ruin your night with my drama. Call me tomorrow or the day after,” Kennedy instructed.
Audrey laughed, “Yes, mom,” she said and then the line went dead.
That was one thing Kennedy could not stand about talking on the phone with Audrey – Audrey never said goodbye, she would just hang up the phone.
Kennedy shut her phone and set it down next to her. Her mood immediately went back down to lower than low and she heard a car roar to life outside of Alex’s house. She assumed it was Lisa’s car but she got up and peaked out the window just to be safe. It was.
Kennedy decided that she had had enough of this day and shut her blinds and walked and turned off the light to her room. She went and plopped down on the bed, kicking off her jeans and stripping off her shirt in the process. She cuddled with a purple pillow next to her since she had no guy to cuddle with her.
She wished that Alex would just dump Lisa again so that Alex and Kennedy could have the chance to do everything right with their relationship now that Kennedy knew what that meant. It took her a long time to figure out that she didn’t need to sabotage every relationship she was in – most of the time she did it unintentionally, but if she had another opportunity with Alex she would make sure to do it right and never hurt him again.
She contracted her body and wished more than anything that within the next twenty-four hours Alex would break up with Lisa, ask Kennedy to marry him, and they would live a happily ever after. She knew that that was not a plausible option, but nothing could stop her eight year old self who wanted the perfect princess/prince fairytale.
She rolled onto her other side, away from the purple pillow which had been neglecting her.
She heard her door squeak open and she knew who it was, obviously. Every single one of her muscles reacted. She felt happy, upset, and confused at the same time. Happy because Alex was sneaking into her room because he wanted to be with her – only her. He hadn’t chosen to sleep with Lisa, he had chosen to sleep with her. Angry because she felt like his booty call – like he could come in whenever he wanted, even if he’d just gotten done having sex with another girl, and sleep with her without there ever being a problem. And confused because she so badly didn’t want to want him as badly as she did.
She felt a body get in on the side next to her and come up behind her and wrap their arm around her. The chest was hard and the arms were toned. Kennedy shut her eyes, enjoying the feel of him. “I missed you today,” he told her as he kissed her neck and his bangs tickled her back and neck.
“You don’t get to do this, Alex,” she told him.
He moved back a little and she rolled onto her other side so that she could look at him while she talked.
“Don’t get to do what?” he asked, confused as to why she was rejecting him.
“You do not get to have sex with your girlfriend and then come to me twenty minutes after she leaves, hoping to either get laid again or even just have me to sleep with. It doesn’t work that way,” she told him passionately.
At first he just stood still, staring at her in the dark but then he let a smirk cross his face and he looked down, “I don’t care,” he told her simply and her eyebrows knitted together in confused.
“Excuse me? What do you mean you don’t care?” she asked.
“Kenne, I’m a guy – I like to have sex, I need to have sex, okay? Just because I had sex with Lisa doesn’t mean she’s the one I want to spend my night with, I want to spend it with you. That’s why I kicked her out and that’s why she drove off in such a huff – I wanted to sleep with you tonight. I used Lisa for sex because I was in the mood and I didn’t want to pressure you into having sex with me so soon after just getting reacquainted with you. Do you understand where I’m coming from?” he asked, looking her dead in the eye.
“I understand the male psyche way too much not to understand what you mean,” she told him.
He smiled and encompassed her again in his arms. She felt warm and safe there – like it was where she belonged.
“Alex, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he responded, tightening his wrap around her.
“What do you want out of this? Is this just for fun because I’m in town and you actually plan on marrying Lisa or do you want to be with me?” she asked and felt stupid. She felt like one of those girls who when her boyfriend cheated on her, she offered to do everything to change herself so that he would stay with her.
He remained silent for a minute. “Kennedy, what a stupid question,” he told her in a serious tone. She was taken aback and didn’t know what to say so she sat there, in silence, waiting for him to say something more. “You have known ever since we first got together that I would rather be with you. I would kill to be with you. I have missed you so much over the past five years,” he told her.
“But you don’t want to be in a relationship with me?”
“I would love to be in a relationship with you, but after what happened last time we were together, I don’t know if I can just hop into a relationship. I need to learn to trust you again, Kennedy,” he told her, looking down at her.
“Fair enough,” she told him.
And that was that. That was all that was said and exchanged.
Until, “I love you,” he murmured in her ear.