Lying As a Martyr

I watched him nuzzle down into the fluffy red chair of the coffee house, looking relieved but still slightly cold. He wrapped my jacket tight around him and I sat in the chair opposite of him. He pulled the Styrofoam coffee cup up to his lips and took a sip. Quickly, he slammed the coffee cup down really quick, throwing his hand over his lips and squinting.

“Dats hot,” he mumbled, sounding like he was talking with peanut butter in his mouth. I looked out the window as snow slowly drifted from the sky onto the busy Seattle streets. He picked the coffee back up again and carefully blew into the little hole.

“So what do you want?” he asked not looking up at me. “I charge 100 for the hour, but since you've been so nice, I'll make it 80, I mean, thats what you've been going for right? A bargain?” he mused taking another calming sip of coffee and staring down at the red marble counter top.

“What?” I asked confused, furrowing my eyebrows as I studied his facial expression. My eyes glanced under the table at his ripped up shoes then back up to his sad little face. “Oh... oh god, no.. I don't want to sleep with you, I mean, if that's what you mean, god no...” I said quickly shaking my head and watching his face look even more sunken in. “But, I mean, that's not a bad thing, I would sleep with you, just, I wouldn't pay you, well... I wouldn't like sleep with you right now, I'd like... get to know you...”

His eyes brightened up and look hopeful, a huge smile spreading from ear t ear as he now lent his elbows on the table and lent in, looking as though he was beginning to loosen up. He was still very tense, and from the looks, very cold, but I just long sip of my coffee and adored his tiny little face.

“How old are you?” I asked softly and he looked outside the window, watching a little boy and his mom pass, the little boy trailing behind and catching snow on his tongue. Kandi had a small smug smile on his face and I studied him for a moment before letting my eyes drop to my coffee.

“I'm 19,” he said finally swooshing his coffee around in his cup before blowing on it again and taking a sip.

He didn't look older than me. I was going to be 18 in two months. He looked down at a little Spider Man watch around his wrist that looked as if it belonged to an infant, but still fit loosely. His look became panicked as he looked outside and the sky was a deep black and Star Bucks was getting ready to close up. I raised an eyebrow and watched him stand up really quickly, spilling his coffee in the act. He squealed and went to get a bunch of napkins from the front and put them down on top of the spilled coffee.

“Are you okay?” I asked and watched him, not budging as he mopped up the wet mess. He took the dirty napkins and walked them to the garbage can then came back to me hurriedly, chewing down on his bottom lip.

“I gotta go,” he said softly and I looked at his frazzled figure. “I gotta go, I just... I gotta go...” he kept saying, his eyes turning glassy as his feet became reluctant to leave. He started to take my jacket off and I stood up, wrapping it tighter around him with a soft smile.

“Keep it,” I whispered and he looked shocked, his cheeks turning a deep red as he looked right passed me, out the window. He spaced out for a moment then looked back at me.

“You sure? It's a really nice coat...” he said in an almost whisper, looking around as if he were stealing something.

“I'm sure. Keep it,” I said and he smiled, rocking back on his heels then up onto his toes. He looked back down at his watch and bit down on his lip, swiftly leaning in and kissing my cheek. He whisked past me and I called out after him “Do you have a phone number?”

“I'll never see you again!” he called out behind him and he disappeared out the door into the snowy streets and into the blackness of the night.

I picked up my coffee and lingered for a moment staring out the window and let out a tiny sigh. “I'll never see you again,” I mouthed and slowly left the coffee shop, beginning again on my long journey back home.