God Bless the Broken Road

Things after Christmas got better, after the All Star Games I started my therapy. At first I wasn’t too keen on the idea of telling a complete stranger about my life, but then Eric pointed out that I had done that exact thing when I met the boys back in June. I knew he was right and once I met Dr. Jackson, I relaxed a great deal. She wasn’t my vision of a therapist, she was in her late twenties or early thirties and she talked to me, not preach at me. Another thing that caused me to relax was the fact that Eric kept his promise and attended every session he was able to make it to. Sometimes he would come into the room with me and sometimes he wouldn’t.

Days like today sucked though, the days that Eric had a road game and wasn’t with me. These days were usually the hardest because he was there to comfort me. These were the days I fell into a funk afterwards. I looked around the room I was sitting in and grimaced, I just wanted to get this over with.

“Mackenzie, you can come in now.” Dr. Jackson said, opening the door more. “No Eric today?” She asked, closing the door.

I shook my head. “Not today, he and the team are on a three day road trip.”

She nodded and took a seat behind her desk. “So how have classes been? Have you decided if you’re going to go to college or continue with your online classes?”

“I’m still not sure about that. I need to talk to Eric more about it, but I’m in not really worried about it right now. As far as classes go, they’re going.” I chuckled. “I’ve been having some trouble with my second level French class, but I’ve been getting some of Jordan’s friends to help me.”

“Jordan is Eric’s brother correct?”

I nodded. “Yeah, his younger. He also play’s professional hockey, in Pittsburgh.”

“And how is your relationship with Jordan?”

“He’s my best friend. I can go to him with anything. He was there for me when my dad died.”

“What about Eric? Was he there for you?”

I nodded, slightly confused as to where this was going. “The entire Staal family was there for me in more ways than one. If it weren’t for them I don’t know where I would be or what I would be doing right now.” I said a bit harshly. If there was one thing that got me upset the most it was when I was questioned about the Staals.

Dr. Jackson looked gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, I know that’s a tender subject for you.” She made a note before continuing

The rest of the session went on as it normally did, but today was a little more emotional then the others. Dr. Jackson had asked me about wedding plans and how I felt about my mom not being here. I had spent the last twenty minutes of the session crying because of the things I would never get to do with her.

I stopped in the bathroom before leaving because there was no way I would be able to drive in the current emotional state I was in. I didn’t bother looking in the mirror, I knew how I looked. It was a look that Eric, Jared, and I have grown familiar over a period of time. It was a look that I never wanted to see again. As I calmed down, I blocked all thoughts of the wedding and my mom out of my head and just focused on the fact that Eric and the boys would be back sometime tonight from their road trip. The sound of my phone buzzing caught my attention. I had a text from Eric.

How’d you’re session go? Sorry I couldn’t be there with you. Love you.

I smiled through the few tears that where still clouding my vision.

Hard. Can you call me tonight? I really just need to talk to you.

I slipped the phone in my pocket as I made my way to the parking lot. My ride home was silent and I used that time to think about what Dr. Jackson and I talked about. I couldn’t forget my parents completely, they are always with me, a part of me. It was just going to take time and that I was lucky that I had the Staals by my side. I smiled lightly, I didn’t need a professional to tell me that. The Staals were the reason I was still breathing to this day. If it wasn’t for them I would have lost all hope the day after my father died.

When I got home, Molly was crying in her crate, begging to be let out. I let her out and curled up on the couch, just staring at the ceiling. The sound of the front door unlocking caught my attention and I smiled when I saw Jared walk in. I had forgotten that he had the day off today and I was happy by that fact.

“Hey Kenzie, how was therapy?” He asked, slipping his coat off and hanging it up in the closet.

I took a deep breath. “It was tough.”

He sat down next to me on the couch and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I’m sorry, but at least you’re done for the week.” He smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

I smiled but didn’t say anything. I just sat there and tried my hardest not to think about what was talked about with Dr. Jackson. Sometimes I wonder if therapy will really help, if Dr. Jackson was going to keep bring up these memories or make me talk about my parents how was that helping? I felt like it was making things worse for me.

Jared picked up on my mood and squeezed my shoulders. “Other than therapy being hard, how was your day?”

“It was alright, I got some of my homework done. I had to call Kris to get help with my French homework, but he helped me.” I smiled.

Jared chuckled. “Am I going to have to warn Eric to watch out for you when it comes to the Penguins?”

I pushed him. “Not at all. I would never even think about doing anything with anyone else.”

“I know, I’m just messing with you. You know that.”

“I know, so how does pizza sound for dinner? Because after today, I want a nice cheesy pizza.”

“You know me, Kenz, I’m not going to turn down pizza.”

I chuckled and reached for my phone which had the local pizza place programmed into my phone. “That is why you’re my favorite Staal, you’re not anal about your diet.” I stopped talking when the other line picked up. I ordered a pizza and added an order of mozzarella sticks. “So how was your day?”

“It was alright, spent the day with a couple of the guys from the team.”

“That’s good. So tell me, when are you going to find yourself a girl?”

He shrugged. “I’m not really in a rush. I need to focus on building my skills in hockey.”

I sighed. “Jared, you can’t spend all your time on hockey, you need to have a life. You’re twenty years old.”

He sighed. “I’ll find one, don’t worry.” He smiled, kissing my cheek.

Just then my phone vibrated with a text from Eric.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. Of course I’ll call you, as soon as I get back to my room.

Don’t be, we knew that there were going to be sessions you’d miss. I’ll be waiting

“Do you want to watch a movie?“ Jared asked.

I looked up from my phone. “Sure, you can choose the movie.”

Jared put in the second Pirates of the Caribbean much to my delight. We were about fifteen minutes in when the doorbell rang. Jared paused it while I got the food. I always tried to answer the door when we ordered food and the boys always gave my name just to prevent an onslaught of people at the door. I paid the delivery girl and made my way to the living room, not worrying about plates or anything.

“Mackenzie, do you want a beer?” Jared asked from the kitchen.

“Yes please.” Even though I wasn’t of legal age in the United States to drink, I still did when we were in our own house and at other players houses since I was of legal age in Canada, plus Eric and Jared didn’t care.

We ate in silence with an occasional quote from me, then it was game time so we decided we’d finish the movie after the game. I watched the game, but I didn’t really pay attention. I just wanted the game to finish just so that I could talk to Eric. It still amazed me how much I really did need him, sometimes it even scared me because I swore that I wouldn‘t become one of those girlfriends. I’ve never been a dependent person, I was always on my own back home in Arizona. Even if I was with a group of people I would still find a away to be by myself.

“Mackenzie, are you okay?” Jared asked eventually.

I looked at him confused. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Because you missed over half the period, including a goal by Eric. You usually cheer so loudly for those.”

I looked back at the TV and sure enough there were eight minutes left in the first period and Eric had the only goal. I sighed and looked back at Jared. “I’m okay, I promise. I just can’t seem to shut my brain down today. Everything I’ve talked about with Dr. Jackson this week just keeps coming back to me. I just can’t leave it at the office.” I admitted.

All Jared did was wrap me up in a hug and the tears just came pouring out. All my frustration from school and wedding planning, the sorrow of doing all of this without my mom, and just everything else that was bothering me just released. Jared continued to hold me, whispering comforting words.

“You know what I think will help you with all of this?” Jared asked when I finally calmed down.

I shook my head and wiped away tears. “No, what?” I hiccupped.

“I think you need to get away and clear your head.”

“Go where?” I asked.

“Not back to the Bay. Maybe Pittsburgh with Jordy and Heather. Or New York with Marc.”

I sat there and thought about it. Leave Carolina for a little bit? I don’t know if I could do it, but going away sounded like a pretty good idea. But at the same time I didn’t want to run away from my problems and going away seemed like that’s exactly what I would be doing.

“It’s not running away.” Jared said softly. “You need a break from everything, Kenzie. I’m not forcing you to go, but I highly recommend it.”

I stood up and just stared down at Jared who was looking at me with the most concern ever. I wanted to yell at him for even thinking that I would consider leaving. I opened my mouth to do just that, but closed it again because I was going to say something that I was going to regret. So instead, I just turned on my heels and went to Eric and my room, slamming the door behind me. I laid on the bed and hugged Eric’s pillow, wishing he was here. I didn’t really blame Jared for suggesting that I need to get away, I would have done the same thing if the situation was switched.

I sighed and reached for my phone and sent a text to Cellina because I needed to talk to someone about this. We went back and forth for a while before my phone rang.

“You get tired of texting me?” I joked as I answered the phone.

“Never.” The voice on the other end said.

“Marc, why are you calling me from my best friend’s phone?” I laughed.

“Because mine is in the bedroom and I’m lazy.”

“You don’t have to tell me that twice.” I smiled. “So may I ask why you called?”

“I was reading over Cellina’s shoulder. Did Jay really suggest you get away for a little bit?”

I sighed. “Yeah he did, I’ve been having a tough week.”

I heard movement on the other end and I knew Marc was moving away from Cellina. “What’s going on Mackenzie? You’re not one to run away. What’s wrong?”

“At the moment, I feel everything is wrong.” I whispered. “I feel like therapy isn’t helping me at all, if anything it’s causing more problems.”

“Have you talked to Eric about it?”

“No because I just came to the conclusion today after my last session. Plus, he’s been gone all week.” Tears began to sting my eyes.

I heard Marc sigh, “Is that what this is all really about, Kenz? Eric not being home?”

“Not really no, but it is playing a factor in everything” I admitted, a tear slipping down my cheek.

“Sweetie, you know that’s his job, that if he could stay home with you he would.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I snapped. “I understand that Eric travels for a living. I don’t need him here all the freaking time!” By now tears were pouring down my face.

“Mackenzie, calm down. You need to calm down right now. I think Jared’s right, I think you need some time away. Distract yourself from everything, but what you need to do is talk to Eric.”

I didn’t answer, I couldn’t as sobs took over me. I heard Marc talking to my, trying to calm me down but I didn’t really hear him. Just like before with Jared I just broke and everything just came out.

**Jared’s POV**

I shouldn’t have opened my mouth, I shouldn’t have suggested that Mackenzie leave. She didn’t need that right now, what she needed was someone to be there for her. I grabbed my phone and sent Jordan a text. If anyone was able to talk it was him.

I fucked up with Kenz

What’d you do? Is she ok?

I sighed and responded.

idk if she’s okay. Jord she’s a mess. I told her that I thought she needed to go somewhere for a lil bit

I went to the kitchen to grab another beer and I could hear Mackenzie on the phone with someone and then all of a sudden she was yelling at them, then she started sobbing. Slowly I opened the door and what I saw broke my heart. Mackenzie was clutching Eric’s pillow for dear life sobbing uncontrollably. The phone was still at her ear but she wasn’t holding on to it. I walked over to the bed and took the phone.

“Hello?” I said into the phone, not sure who she was talking to.

“Jared, is that you?”

“Marc?”

“Yeah, is she okay?”

I looked at the girl in front of me who was clearly not okay. “No, she’s not. I have to go.” I didn’t wait for his response, I just hung up on him and climbed into bed with Mackenzie with out a second thought. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest and let her cry herself out. Eventually she fell asleep and I continued to lay there with her. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I carefully fished it out.

What do you mean she’s a mess? Jordan’s text read.

I mean for the second time tonight she was crying uncontrollably. She’s asleep now, but she’s a mess.

I looked down at Mackenzie and realized that she looked horrible. She was pale and has lost some weight. I was worried about her and I knew the rest of the guys were as well, Eric especially. Slowly I pulled away from Mackenzie and went back to the living room and began pacing again. Kenzie needed help and I didn’t know what to do.