God Bless the Broken Road

Things have been crazy around our house lately, Eric was finally back on the ice after about a month of recovering from his concussion and I was trying to balance being a mother to two newborn babies, being a student, and a wife. While I was thrilled Eric was back playing, I was scared. Every time he left for a game, I replayed the hit over and over again and no matter how many times he reassures me, I still worry. I also was afraid to be left alone with the twins. Recently my depression was playing a factor and I was afraid to go to therapy again. Having Eric around not only made caring for the twins easier, but he also helped me through my rough days. I knew I had to learn how to be alone with them and keep my depression at bay, but everything was still new.
Today was a very rare quiet day in the Staal household. Eric was at practice and the twins went down for their nap and they were at the stage where they slept for a while. So I was taking advantage of the quiet to work on some assignments for school. I sighed and leaned back in my chair thinking back to the conversation Eric and I had a couple of days ago regarding my schooling.

“Can you be on baby duty tomorrow? I have homework I need to get done.“ I asked Eric, resting my head on his chest.

He shifted and brought me closer to him. “Why don’t you just drop this semester?” He asked.

“Why would I do that? I’ve managed to get my work done and turned it. I’m passing.”

“Do you really need to go to school?”

I sat up and turned on the light, looking at Eric. “Yes, I need school. I need to get my degree. You know I want to be a journalist.”

He sighed. “I know you do, but I think you should just put off school for a little while. Spend the time with the babies.”

“Eric, I spend plenty of time with the babies! School is the only thing I have. You know how important school is to me. You know this.” I whispered, tears filling my eyes.

“You know I make enough money that you wouldn’t even have to work.”

“This is not about salaries. I don’t care how much you make, you know this. Remember when we met? I had no idea who you were. I. Don’t. Care. What I care about is having my own life and career. I will not become one of those WAGs that rely on her husband for money. Hell, I don’t even go out enough to need money from you. Eric, I want to go to school and get my degree.”

“I’m not saying you don’t have to never go to school, but why are you so set on getting it done now?”

I sniffed. “Because Elizabeth and Jason aren’t going to be babies forever. Eventually they are going to go to preschool and then elementary school. I don’t really want to spend all that time in school. With journalism, I can spend time at home too.”

Eric didn’t say anything at first. I knew he was choosing his words carefully. “Nevermind, I can see that this is not going anywhere.”

“You know what, fuck you Eric.” I turned off the light and rolled over.

The ringing of my cell phone broke me out of my growing anger. I glanced at the screen and saw that it was Heather.

“Heather, how are you?” I asked my soon to be sister-in-law.

“How did you do it?” She asked in a mildly panicked voice. “How did you manage to plan a wedding and a reception? I’m losing my god damned mind over here.”

I chuckled. “We hired a wedding planner. I may have married young, but I was not your typical teenage girl who had her whole wedding planned out down to the linens.” I smiled. “Relax, that’s your first step and then you need to just take it one step at a time. What has you so flustered?”

I sat and listened as Heather ranted about her failed attempts to planning her and Jordan’s wedding. They were shooting for this summer, but now she wasn’t sure if she wanted it this summer or not.

“What does Jordan say?” I asked, getting up and checking on the twins.

“He is giving me free reign. I’m ready to scream!”

“You have any vacation time?”

I could hear here flipping through something, a calendar I assumed, and then she sighed. “I have a few days. I’m saving the rest for the wedding and honeymoon.”

“Why don’t you come down here for a weekend or something and we can work things out together? It’s easier that way. I will also call your bonehead of a fiancé and bitch him out for not helping. Maybe extract a few ideas from him.”

“Please?!” She begged. “Because I can’t even get him to agree on a color. It’s like he wants nothing to do with this.”

“Eric was the same way. I had to practically sit on him for him to help me.”

Heather sighed. “Glad to know I’m not alone in this.” She chuckled. “Enough about my wedding disaster. How are you and the babies?”

“They are getting so big. I can’t believe they’ll be a month old next week.”

“I can’t believe it either. I miss them.”

“You can baby-sit when you come down.” I hinted with a laugh.

“Okay! I bet you and Eric need some alone time. Especially since he’s been injured. How’s he doing? Jordan has been meaning to call, but has been really busy.”

I sighed. “He’s doing okay. He’s at practice right now. I think he was more upset about missing games than anything. Also as horrible as this sounds, I’m sad he’s back on the ice. It was nice having him around here to help.”

“You need to learn to be with them on your own.” Heather pointed out.

“I know and I am looking forward to it, but since this is their first month home it was nice having help. Once they get a bit older it will get a tad easier.”

“Kenz, I have to go. Jordan just got home and he doesn’t look happy. I will talk to you this weekend about coming down.” As if on cue, Elizabeth started crying.

“I need to go too, Liz just woke up which means Jay isn’t too far behind.” I sighed, getting up and heading to the nursery.

“Tell those babies, we love them and miss them. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

I slipped my cell phone into my pocket and walked into the room. Jason was still sound asleep and I wanted to keep it that way, so I scooped Elizabeth up and took her to the master bedroom where we had an extra changing table. I laid the still crying baby down and quickly changed her diaper.

“Lizzie, calm down baby girl. You’re going to make yourself sick.” I told her, bouncing lightly trying to get her to calm down. “Let’s see if you’re hungry.” I took a seat in the rocking chair and began nursing her. Half way through her feeding, Jason began to wail in the nursery. I groaned, he couldn’t have waited another ten minutes to wake up, could he? I glanced down at Elizabeth who was staring up at me, her eyes still swimming with tears.

“Kenz?” I heard Eric call from the living room. I was about to call to him when I heard him over the baby monitor with Jason. “Where’s your mommy and sister?” He asked the one month old. I could hear Jason cooing as Eric talked to him while changing his diaper. He told him about practice and how excited he was to play in tomorrow’s game. The monitor went silent and I looked up to see Eric and a content Jason standing in the doorway. Eric was giving me a look that I have become familiar with since having the babies. “I love watching you do that.” He whispered, walking further into the room and kissing me.

“Have I ever told you that you are a lifesaver?” I chuckled. “He is so much like you and he isn’t even a month old yet.” I said lovingly, glancing at our son.

“Did he just wake up?”

I nodded. “About five seconds before you walked in the door.”

He nodded and took a seat on the edge of the bed, rocking Jason who was starting to fall asleep again. I sighed, Jason was the easiest of the two. He only cried when he needed his diaper changed or was hungry, he was relatively quiet. Elizabeth on the other hand cried for no reason at all sometimes. Linda said that eventually we will be able to differentiate between cries and know when to just ignore them. As a new mother ignoring any cry seemed like a cardinal sin.

I glanced up at Eric and saw that he was staring at me with a small smile on his face. I stuck my tongue out at him causing him to laugh, before burping Lizzie. She quickly fell asleep in my arms and I sighed in relief. I joined Eric on our bed, but moved so that I was leaning against the headboard as I held the baby. Eric moved too and we sat side by side as the twins slept. It was moments like this that I loved, just the four of us together.

“How was your afternoon?”

“Busy. It took me a while to get them down for their nap. Jason was very content with pulling my hair rather than laying down.” I chuckled. “I got some homework done, but not much.” I held my breath because every time I mentioned school work, Eric would make a comment. Something that was starting to piss me off. This time though he kept his mouth shut and I relaxed. “Heather also called, apparently Jordan is not helping at all with the wedding and she is starting to freak out. They changed their date again because Jordan doesn’t want to get married this summer. Now it’s next summer.”

Eric shook his head. “I need to call him and talk some sense into him.”

“You should, but just remember that you weren’t all that helpful in the beginning when we were planning ours.” I giggled. “I do remember begging you to please help me and there were lots of tears.”

Eric shuddered and kissed the top of my head. “I helped….eventually. You had most if it done.”

I rolled my eyes, but smiled. “Anyway, I told her to come down here for a weekend or so, that way I can help her. Give her some ideas.”

“That sounds like a great idea. I will still call Jordy and talk to him.”

“Also she said she would baby-sit.” I sing-songed

Eric raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Date night?”

“Yes please!” I exclaimed and then frowned. “Is it wrong that I am looking forward to that? That I’m looking forward to some time away from the babies?” Suddenly tears were filling my eyes.

Eric wrapped his free arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. “It’s okay to feel that way. Every parent deserves some time away from their children, especially when they are infants. It can get crazy and it will be crazier for you because I won’t always be here.” He kissed the top of my head. “No one expects you to spend all your time with the babies.”

“Yes they do. I am a mother. My time is supposed to be spent on them.” I took a deep breath. “I’m also a young mother. If someone sees me out they are going to start saying that I am an unfit mother and then they are going to start talking crap about you. I know how the fans get.”

“You’re twenty years old and married. It’s not like you went out and got knocked up by some random guy. You conceived with your fiancé and we were already getting married the next month, so it was a nice surprise.” He kissed me again. “I’m not worried about what the fans say. Let them talk their shit, we all know you are a wonderful mother and wife.” He smiled.

I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. I really did love these moments. I needed to get up though before I fell asleep. I still had things to do around the house and I really needed to get more homework done. Slowly, I got off the bed and placed Elizabeth in the playpen in the corner of our room. When I straightened up, Eric was staring at me.

“Nap with me?” He asked quietly.

I shook my head, walking over to him. I took Jason out of his hands and laid him next to his sister. “I have things I need to get done. You nap though. I have the monitor out there.”

Eric didn’t say anything, he just nodded and slid down so that he was laying on his back. I rolled my eyes, leaving the room. I clipped the baby monitor to my pants as I passed the kitchen table and started the laundry. As I sorted through the clothes I let my mind wander.

Things have been getting stressful between Eric and I ever since he got hurt last month. I have no idea what the problem was, but we’ve been fighting a lot more than we ever have. The biggest issue seemed to be me continuing with my degree. For some reason Eric doesn’t want me to finish my classes and doesn’t want me enrolling for next semester. Every time I asked about it he either ignored me or gave me the ’we already talked about this’ sigh. It was pissing me off and I wanted to talk to him about it, but I didn’t want to fight with him. I was hoping that the date night coming up when Heather comes will be good for us. I think we were both just exhausted and stressed out with the babies and the season. I hope.