Dimples

Through the crack in the door, between the spots of faint lamplight, I could see them fighting.

Mom and Dad.

Mom’s mouth stretches open into some grotesque form of hatred and Dad’s eyes grow sad and dark like they do. Mom’s all red, Dad’s all blue.

And I hate it.

I hate it when they yell like they don’t love each other, like they never have.

It gives me this feeling deep in my gut like I’m not supposed to exist. Like I should stop existing so it’s all okay again.

I feel like it’s my fault.

Is it?

“—I don’t understand you anymore, John! Why—why did you do this? To me…. To your children, John. You’ve made a fool of yourself! Why?!” Mom thrusts the blouse she’s been wringing in her hands onto the floor and agitatedly moves out of my line of sight.

Dad moves with her so I can just see the back of his polo. “Baby I—“

“Do not call me that.” Venom in her voice.

“Hon—Trish. Please. Hear me out. It was a mistake. I… I—“

“You? You what, huh? You won’t do it again? You promise?” She spits out the words like they’re poisoning her tongue.

“It won’t happen again. Just… Give me one more chance, baby, please. I promise it won’t happen ever again.” Dad sounds very sad and I can hear his esophagus knotting up.

“You promise. You promise. You fucking promise! I don’t want your promises! I’ve had them for years and I’ve watched them break. I don’t want them anymore, you hear me?! I’m through with them and I’m through with you!”

“Baby, no, no, no—“

“Don’t touch me! Don’t you dare lay a fucking finger on me, so help me God!” Her voice rips from her throat like a potato peeler on bare, baby skin.

It’s quiet and I can see dad’s back trembling.

Mom sniffles heavily. I imagine her sitting in the chair in the corner of their room, carefully rubbing her fingers under her eyes.

It’s quiet for a while and I almost think it’s over. Almost think it’s time to go to Marney’s and tell her to come out from her castle.

“Why did you do it?” she says.

“What?”

“Tell me why you did it.”

“Please look at me,” he whispers.

“Why did you do it?”

“Why won’t you say my name.” It’s a statement.

“Fucking why did you get drunk and climb into your fucking car?! You promised! You promised, you promised, you promised! But you did it anyway, huh?! You did it! You fucking bastard! You---“ Her voice breaks into heavy sobs and Dad moves out of my sight. Light pattering sounds- skin against skin- follow.

“Trish! Trish, I love you. I love you and the kids so much and I could not stand to be away from them. Please, don’t take my children away. Give me this last chance. Please.”

“No.”

“Tri—“

“No! You!... You have made a disgrace of this family. What made you think it was okay to get drunk in the middle of the morning and pick up Marney, huh? You could have killed her! Do you understand that? My little girl!”

“Our.” Quiet.

“What?”

“She’s ours.”

“You think so? Well, not after this one. You’re out. You’re gone.”

More quiet.

“What...? Trish, please. Let’s—”

“You heard me. I’ll give you a day to pack. Then you’re going to leave this house… And I’m going to file for a divorce.”

The words hit like a million tons of rock hurtling towards Earth and just so happen to land on my chest.

A little sob of surprise escapes my throat, I cover up my mouth like I could take back the noise.

But Mom and Dad are right there, looking down at me. Dad blue, Mom red.

“Elijah,” Mom hisses. “Go to your room.”

I stare up at her, mouth wide open. Then I fall back on my haunches and whisper with as much malice as I can muster.

“I hate you.”

And I run.



I was gone for a long time.

Running and running till I didn’t recognize the street signs and it was dark and quiet all around except for the dogs barking.

I found my way home at ten o’ clock at night.

They are still in their bedroom.

I go into Marney’s room. The lights are off except for the faint one from under the fortress of blankets Marney calls her castle.

I open up the flap and peek my head inside.

There is a small little girl with thin light brown hair curled into a ball, her hands clutched around a Barbie and a floppy eared dog named Scooter in the crook of her arm.

She is asleep, but she was crying. And I never came back to tell her the fighting was over and she could be happy again like she deserves to be.

I was too busy with myself and my feelings and I forgot about this innocent little creature, too perfect to be a human like the rest of us.

And I left her behind.

I abandoned her when she needed me most.

And I hate that.

I hate that I did that.

I hate Mom and Dad for doing this to us.

And I hate myself too, I think.

Because I forgot.

But at least I know better than red and blue. I know when to love.

“I’m so sorry, Marney,” I whisper to her and kiss her on the forehead, something I haven’t done for over five years.

My heart aches for her.

I leave the tent, throwing a blanket over her and leaving on the light, so she would know I was there and that I cared.