Sequel: Mature ›
Adolescent
Letters
Jimmy sat at the dining room table, scratching endlessly at the paper he was writing on. He was trying to think of just some sort of chorus to their new song, but nothing came to him. He mumbled under his breath in frustration as he continued to scribble out little things.
“That doesn’t sound right,”He groaned and threw down his pen.
He was always so good at finding the words to their beats, so good at getting things just right for their album. But this time, he just couldn’t think. It was going to bother him severly until he got it just right. He rubbed down his face with both hands before he got to his feet. He needed a drink, something smoother and warm, not alcohol.
Over the past couple of years he faught over his addiction, giving in at the worst times. When he found out Leanna passed due to terminal cancer, he couldn’t handle his life anymore. She was his world and more. He opened his rusting fridge and peeked into the back of the cold storage. He traced over milk and iced tea, but nothing came to mind.
Coffee. That’s just what he needed to get his kick back in writing. He set up his coffee pot and let it slowly brew. He leaned over on the island and sighed quietly. It was quiet in his small one bedroom home with Leanna. Very quiet. He could picture back at the letters he wrote to her when on tour, telling her about his unconditional love for her.
Jimmy snapped back into reality when he remembered the letters. They sat in a dusty old box under his bed, unread for the past couple of years. Maybe his wife’s sweet words could throw a chorus or verse in there for him. Jimmy scampered up to his bedroom and gently pushed open the door. Memories flew back at him like a freight train, only sending a heart broken smile to his lips.
He knelt down on the side of his bed, reaching underneath and pulling out the old, torn up box. It had been a long time since he eyed down the letters; he never wanted to remember his past thoughts, hence the addiction. He peeled off the top lid and smiled down at the tiny papers. With both hands he pulled them out, careful not to drop them.
It took nearly an hour as he sat and read through each one, laughing and tearing up at different moments. With a calm, genuine smile, he picked them back up and began to place them into the box. He stopped, however, when a sealed envelope crashed against his carpet. He eyed it down carefully, realizing the manilla colored paper had yet to be opened.
He placed the rest in the box and picked up the envelope. It was in perfect condition and he was almost afraid to tear it open. He hugged it to his chest and welled in tears. How could he have missed one? He made sure to open all of them at the time he received them. With shaking hands, he ripped open the top slowly.
Out came a small, pure white paper, writing scribbled across it in neat lines. He starred down at it, wondering why it was dated over four years ago. He had stopped touring when he found out Leanna had cancer. This letter dated two weeks before her death. Jimmy swallowed hard and after building up the small courage he had, began reading.
Dear Jimmy,
You’re the love of my life, my better half. And to explain this to you makes it so hard. We’ve shared secrets, we’ve shared our demons. This last one though, happens to be my last demon. Please forgive me. I do not mean to tell you through a letter.
I was sixteen, you were almost eighteen. We had the fun teen life; parties, hookups, the such. But what I have to tell you will most likely make you hate me. Maybe not trust me anymore, but sweetheart, I have to do it.
Before we got married, I found out I was pregnant. It was a small pregnancy, only a couple weeks in. But I was scared. Terrified. I thought I couldn’t tell you. I just felt the need to get rid of it. You had just taken off and you were on tour for almost a year by then. I know you trusted me, and I couldn’t find the words to tell you.
It was your baby, Jimmy. One hundred percent. But your career had just taken off and I didn’t want to burden you. While you were away, I managed to sift through the pregnancy, no problems at all. We had a healthy baby girl, and I named her. Her name is Hillari Sullivan. I knew you loved that name, so I did the honor of naming her. A couple weeks after her birth, she was given a home. Within two months you were back home with me, and it was like nothing had occurred.
Jimmy, baby, I am sincerely sorry for what I put you through. I did not mean to hurt you in anyway, shape or form. I just hope you know, regardless if you still think of me or happily moved on, I love you. I always will. Don’t let me bring you down. You were always such a wonderful, sweet man.
I wanted you to know about our daughter, and maybe, just maybe, you would like to find her. The last location she was found at was a couple towns away in Huntington Beach. I know you would do the right thing, but baby, please don’t do anything wrong. She had nothing to do with this. Take care, Jimmy. I’ll see you soon.
Love Always And Forever,
Leanna.
The letter slipped from his hands as his eyes grew warm. A glimmer of hope flashed in his watery eyes; there was a small hope that he could find his baby girl and bring her home. There was that small part of him that screamed to find her. He could almost picture her now. Did she look more like him, or did she resemble her mother in every way?
Jimmy suddenly dropped his hope and grew angry. Why would Leanna be so afraid to tell him? He loved her with all his heart. Out of all people she should be the first to know that he would do no such thing to harm the baby or herself. That wouldn’t push him away, only make him closer. He would love his new baby girl, or boy for that matter.
Jimmy quickly put back the letters and pushed them under his bed. He sat at the edge and rubbed down his face with his hands. A million thoughts ran through his mind; good and bad. Before he knew it, he found himself sobbing into his hands. His world had come crashing down on his once again, only this time, he didn’t know what to think.
“Leanna,”He moaned.”Leanna, baby.”
He whimpered loudly into his palms, taking in short, quick breaths. How could he have let not only Leanna slip through his fingers, but his precious baby girl? Would Hillari even want to meet her father? Or did she think that he was another one of those drug addicts that got rid of her because she was an accident?
He could only hope that Hillari would accept him, regardless of what crossed his mind. He was going to find her and with all the love in the world, show her that he really cares. He was going to make a relationship with his little girl and take her out. He was willing to buy the world for her at this moment. He would kill just to see her smile.
Jimmy curled up in his bed, wiping his swollen eyes. He sniffled through the tears and hugged his pillow, feeling nothing but the hallowness of his heart consume him. He managed to make it through the tears, and within an hour fell asleep on his queen sized bed. He wouldn’t know where to start, but he knew one thing for sure; he needed the guys’ help.
“That doesn’t sound right,”He groaned and threw down his pen.
He was always so good at finding the words to their beats, so good at getting things just right for their album. But this time, he just couldn’t think. It was going to bother him severly until he got it just right. He rubbed down his face with both hands before he got to his feet. He needed a drink, something smoother and warm, not alcohol.
Over the past couple of years he faught over his addiction, giving in at the worst times. When he found out Leanna passed due to terminal cancer, he couldn’t handle his life anymore. She was his world and more. He opened his rusting fridge and peeked into the back of the cold storage. He traced over milk and iced tea, but nothing came to mind.
Coffee. That’s just what he needed to get his kick back in writing. He set up his coffee pot and let it slowly brew. He leaned over on the island and sighed quietly. It was quiet in his small one bedroom home with Leanna. Very quiet. He could picture back at the letters he wrote to her when on tour, telling her about his unconditional love for her.
Jimmy snapped back into reality when he remembered the letters. They sat in a dusty old box under his bed, unread for the past couple of years. Maybe his wife’s sweet words could throw a chorus or verse in there for him. Jimmy scampered up to his bedroom and gently pushed open the door. Memories flew back at him like a freight train, only sending a heart broken smile to his lips.
He knelt down on the side of his bed, reaching underneath and pulling out the old, torn up box. It had been a long time since he eyed down the letters; he never wanted to remember his past thoughts, hence the addiction. He peeled off the top lid and smiled down at the tiny papers. With both hands he pulled them out, careful not to drop them.
It took nearly an hour as he sat and read through each one, laughing and tearing up at different moments. With a calm, genuine smile, he picked them back up and began to place them into the box. He stopped, however, when a sealed envelope crashed against his carpet. He eyed it down carefully, realizing the manilla colored paper had yet to be opened.
He placed the rest in the box and picked up the envelope. It was in perfect condition and he was almost afraid to tear it open. He hugged it to his chest and welled in tears. How could he have missed one? He made sure to open all of them at the time he received them. With shaking hands, he ripped open the top slowly.
Out came a small, pure white paper, writing scribbled across it in neat lines. He starred down at it, wondering why it was dated over four years ago. He had stopped touring when he found out Leanna had cancer. This letter dated two weeks before her death. Jimmy swallowed hard and after building up the small courage he had, began reading.
Dear Jimmy,
You’re the love of my life, my better half. And to explain this to you makes it so hard. We’ve shared secrets, we’ve shared our demons. This last one though, happens to be my last demon. Please forgive me. I do not mean to tell you through a letter.
I was sixteen, you were almost eighteen. We had the fun teen life; parties, hookups, the such. But what I have to tell you will most likely make you hate me. Maybe not trust me anymore, but sweetheart, I have to do it.
Before we got married, I found out I was pregnant. It was a small pregnancy, only a couple weeks in. But I was scared. Terrified. I thought I couldn’t tell you. I just felt the need to get rid of it. You had just taken off and you were on tour for almost a year by then. I know you trusted me, and I couldn’t find the words to tell you.
It was your baby, Jimmy. One hundred percent. But your career had just taken off and I didn’t want to burden you. While you were away, I managed to sift through the pregnancy, no problems at all. We had a healthy baby girl, and I named her. Her name is Hillari Sullivan. I knew you loved that name, so I did the honor of naming her. A couple weeks after her birth, she was given a home. Within two months you were back home with me, and it was like nothing had occurred.
Jimmy, baby, I am sincerely sorry for what I put you through. I did not mean to hurt you in anyway, shape or form. I just hope you know, regardless if you still think of me or happily moved on, I love you. I always will. Don’t let me bring you down. You were always such a wonderful, sweet man.
I wanted you to know about our daughter, and maybe, just maybe, you would like to find her. The last location she was found at was a couple towns away in Huntington Beach. I know you would do the right thing, but baby, please don’t do anything wrong. She had nothing to do with this. Take care, Jimmy. I’ll see you soon.
Love Always And Forever,
Leanna.
The letter slipped from his hands as his eyes grew warm. A glimmer of hope flashed in his watery eyes; there was a small hope that he could find his baby girl and bring her home. There was that small part of him that screamed to find her. He could almost picture her now. Did she look more like him, or did she resemble her mother in every way?
Jimmy suddenly dropped his hope and grew angry. Why would Leanna be so afraid to tell him? He loved her with all his heart. Out of all people she should be the first to know that he would do no such thing to harm the baby or herself. That wouldn’t push him away, only make him closer. He would love his new baby girl, or boy for that matter.
Jimmy quickly put back the letters and pushed them under his bed. He sat at the edge and rubbed down his face with his hands. A million thoughts ran through his mind; good and bad. Before he knew it, he found himself sobbing into his hands. His world had come crashing down on his once again, only this time, he didn’t know what to think.
“Leanna,”He moaned.”Leanna, baby.”
He whimpered loudly into his palms, taking in short, quick breaths. How could he have let not only Leanna slip through his fingers, but his precious baby girl? Would Hillari even want to meet her father? Or did she think that he was another one of those drug addicts that got rid of her because she was an accident?
He could only hope that Hillari would accept him, regardless of what crossed his mind. He was going to find her and with all the love in the world, show her that he really cares. He was going to make a relationship with his little girl and take her out. He was willing to buy the world for her at this moment. He would kill just to see her smile.
Jimmy curled up in his bed, wiping his swollen eyes. He sniffled through the tears and hugged his pillow, feeling nothing but the hallowness of his heart consume him. He managed to make it through the tears, and within an hour fell asleep on his queen sized bed. He wouldn’t know where to start, but he knew one thing for sure; he needed the guys’ help.