Adolescent

Music pounded throughout the room, forcing the sweat beads forming across my hairline and body to dance across my skin. I was almost out of breath, but I never lost that little smirk pressed tight across my lips. Ariel’s house was crowded with multiple people, but I wasn’t alone.

Devin pressed himself against the corner of the room, a cigarette clinging loosely to his lips. His hungry eyes watched as I moved across the room, drink in hand. He chewed on his bottom lip as I danced across the room, grabbing tightly at the back of Renee’s shirt and pulling up slowly.

It wasn’t like me to be so fierce and exciting, but I was feeling different tonight. It was time that I changed things around a little bit and I don’t think anyone was going to complain. From what I could tell, everyone was enjoying themselves as much as I was. I pulled away and stomped toward Devin himself.

In an instant a smirk was plastered against his lips. He knew I was coming for him and he accepted it with open arms. I reached in for a playful kiss, but he pushed his cigarette in between my lips and laughed. I took a long, painful pull from his cigarette and crashed my lips against his.

Smoke crawled from my mouth into his and I smiled into the kiss. I pulled away, feeling content with the kiss. I was feeling fiery and ready for anything; my drink wasn’t spiked or mixed with anything special. It was just my get go attitude. I wanted to stay this hyper and happy as long as I possibly could.

I placed the cigarette between his lips once more before dancing away into the crowd. I took the last couple of sips from my drink and threw it down, ordering Ariel to pour me another cup of Rum and Coke. I dug my hand into my front pockets of my jeans shorts and pulled out my crushed pack of cigarettes.

Ariel smiled weerily over at me, wondering on whether or not she should pour me another cup. She leaned back, grabbing the bottle of Rum and walked over. She leaned over the counter and smiled down at me. I eventually lit my cigarette and inhaled deeply on it.

To tell you the truth tonight was going to be one of those black out drunk nights. I was always good and watched my liquor amount, but at this moment I was in no mood for caring. Hands placed themselves tightly against my hips and I looked back, smiling crazily at Devin.

“You sure you need some more to drink, love?”She shouted over the music.

“Of course babe!”I smiled.”I’m doing pretty well if I must say so myself.”

“I don’t know, babe.”Devin interrupted.”Maybe you’ve had enough.”

I turned in his tight grasp and took a drag from my Newport. With a grin I blew the smoke from my lungs. I pointed a finger in his direction and stated, “Don’t try and stop me muscles.”

He laughed at my comment and shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m in demand tonight!”I turned back to Ariel and looked from my cup to her.”Come on, Ariel.”

With a shake of her head she leaned the bottle over, pouring more liquor into my red cup. My smile grew wider as my cup filled up. She stopped, pouring a quarter of soda into it, making it a perfect mix. I sipped heavily from the drink, ignoring the obnoxious burn in the back of my throat.

The night went fast; people came and went, joints passed in every direction and drinks went down people’s throats like water. My cup fell from my hands as I fell against the wall, covering my mouth with my hand. I wound up interrupting my dancing for a break.

It was late into the morning and normal people would be getting up for work by now. I hiccupped into my hand and groaned quietly. My headache tomorrow was going to be more than migrane painful. I stumbled slowly to the side, in search for Devin. I wanted to go home.

I walked outside, finding the cool morning breeze to be very comforting. I slouched over and took in a deep breath. I wasn’t feeling sick; my whole world was just on a spinning wheel. It would be fine within a couple of minutes. I slid to a seated position and reached in my pocket for another cigarette.

I was a chimney smoking son of a bitch when I had a couple of drinks. I sucked in a deep breath as I lit my cigarette. It sat on my side until I got enough strength to reach my arm up and to my mouth. I lazily took a drag and exhaled very slowly. Where was Devin at a time like this?

I was surprised to know he didn’t suggest we leave yet. He normally wanted to leave a couple hours into the party. The front door opened and a man stepped out, looking confused. I looked up and smiled, finding Devin before my eyes. It seemed like relief crawled over him when he saw me.

“Where have you been?”He knelt down and looked me over.”You look like you’ve been through hell and back, Hillari.”

He chuckled softly and watched as I took slow, random drags of my cigarette.

“Where have you been?”My words danced into a slur and he shook his head.

“Lets get going, Hillari. You can sleep at my place, okay?”He reached for my wrist, but I pulled back suddenly.

My phone was going off and it nearly scared me to death. I reached into my other pocket and pulled it out cautiously. For some odd reason, I could swear it was screaming at me.

“Hello?”Devin opened my phone and pressed it to my ear.”Hello?”

“Hillari?”The voice was questioning.

“That’s me.”I smiled as I spoke.

I knew this voice from somewhere, but I couldn’t place it. It was so familiar, but so distant in my mind.

“How are you sweetheart? Were you sleeping?”I couldn’t think straight, I had to ask.

“Who is this?”I growled.

“Jimmy.”He seemed hurt, but not until I was done with him.

I could feel every fiber in my being grow angry and upset. I wanted to get up and start swinging, but I wouldn’t go after Devin. He had no part in this; it was all him.

“Jimmy.”I slurred his name angrily and took in a deep breath.

Devin watched me carefully. I knew he could feel me grow angry, but he didn’t know what to do. Would he grab the phone out of my hand and close it? Would he get on it himself and tell Jimmy I’d call back when I sobered up? What would he do?

I felt everything crash down on me at once and I began to shake softly. I had so many questions to ask, but I couldn’t spill them all at once. I wanted to accuse Jimmy of leaving, for letting me fall out of his life without so much as a see ya. I wanted to make him hurt like I did when I found out I was adopted.

“You son of a bitch.”I growled lowly.

“Are you okay?”He whispered softly.”Hillari, what’s the matter?”

I eventually climbed to my feet with Devin’s help and clenched my free hand into a tight fist. How should I start this out? Do I start yelling, or start off calmly and result to yelling in the end?

“Hillari, wait,”Devin began.

“You know what it’s like to not have a real father in your life?”I spat.”Why did you give me up? Was it some other broad or was it the drugs? Because I have to be honest,”

Devin reached for my phone, but I pulled away from him angrily. I pushed him in the chest, making him stumble back slightly.

“Hillari,”Jimmy began.

“Why did you give me up?! What’s the matter with you? Did you take one look in my eyes and realize I was a liability? Did your band not make it and you wanted to make someone elses life a bitch over it?”I growled.”You’re a piece of shit. You’re -”

Devin grabbed my around my waist and I pulled away, trying to keep the phone in my grasp. I wasn’t done with Jimmy yet - he deserved to hear it all.

“I hope you rot in hell you prick!”I cried loudly as Devin jerked me to the side, forcing the phone to slip from my fingers.

My cigarette bounced deadly against the concrete and I tried to push away from him.

“Hillari!”He shouted.”What the fuck was that?!”

I squeezed from his grip and pressed both hands to his chest, pushing him back slightly. He angrily grabbed my phone and snapped it shut, ending the conversation in seconds. I felt the need to hit something and it was exactly what I was going to do.

“Give me the phone.”I warned.

“You need to go to sleep. I don’t know what’s wrong with you tonight, but don’t plan on having anymore drinks. I don’t want you drinking this much again. Ever.”He glared.

“You can’t be the father I never had.”I smirked.

I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as he pushed my phone into his pocket.

“But I can sure as fuck stop you when you get out of hand.”He lunged forward, pushing his shoulders into my hips and forcing me to fall over.

He pulled me effortlessly over his shoulder and started his stomp to the car. I slammed my fist down onto his back, angrily cursing him out over the scene he was causing.

“Devin, I,”I covered my mouth, feeling the liquor hit me like a runaway train.

“You can wait.”He snarled.

“I’m gonna,”I swallowed hard, knowing it was now or never.”I’m going to be sick!”

I hit my feet in seconds and I turned, spewing the alcohol all over the street and grass. I fell to my knees, hoping I could stop the world from spinning for just one second. Devin grabbed my hair, pulling it out of my face. I wasn’t angry anymore; I was regretful for what I just pulled.

My eyes teared up and I shook my head in embarrassment. After I had finished emptying out my stomach, Devin pulled me back to my feet. I locked myself around his chest and hugged him like I would never see him again. He reluctantly wrapped his arms around me and sighed softly.

“You need to apologize right away.”He whispered.

I could only shake my head in response. I had been so good, keeping back the bad questions and trying to learn about my real father. But after tonight, I would be lucky if he even kept the same phone number. It replayed over and over again in my head. What have I done?