Adolescent

I sat at my desk, contemplating my defenses for the other night. It had been two days since I had made that wretched mistake of yelling at Jimmy. It had been two days since I had spoken to Matt aswell, but I’m just going to pretend that that conversation never happened in the first place.

I pushed my new glasses back up the bridge of my nose with my pointer finger and sighed softly. I was sitting here, starring at my phone like I was afraid to touch it. To be honest, I kind of was. I played with it occasionally and let it sit here and there. I didn’t know how to explain myself to him.

I looked at the time, not realizing I had wasted an hour sitting by myself, trying to build up enough courage to call Jimmy. It was almost two o’ clock; I had to do it now. I picked it up, hesitantly dialing Jimmy’s phone number. It rang a few times, but stopped at the fifth ring.

“Hello?”Jimmy sounded a little apprehensive.

I couldn’t blame him.

“Hey, Jimmy.”Was that I could come up with?

“Hillari.”His voice made him sound almost relieved; was he not expecting me to call him?

“I-,”I sighed quietly.”I wanted to apologize for what I did to you the other night.”

I took in a deep breath, waiting to hear him get angry. I chewed on my bottom lip as tears welled in my eyes. I now know I would cry for his forgiveness. If that doesn’t tell you anything, I don’t know what does.

“I just want to know what happened.”He breathed.

“This is no way an excuse, Jimmy, but I had been drinking.”I whimpered.”A lot. I answered the phone and you just so happened to be on the other end. I promise you I didn’t mean anything that I said. I was angry. I’m so sorry.”

I covered my mouth with my free hand, sobbing quietly into it. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, attempting to stop my pathetic self from going overboard. The phone stayed silent and I pulled it from my ear. He hadn’t hung up. He was only giving me the silent treatment.

“Jimmy?”I choked.

“I’m here.”He seemed upset aswell.”I forgive you, Hillari. I expected hostile comments. I expected even worse, actually, but that never happened. And I want to thank you.”

“For what?”I wiped my eyes, sniffling softly into the phone.

“For giving me a chance.”He cleared his throat.

“I want,”I didn’t know what to say to him; he was such a sweet man.”I want to get to know you, Jimmy.”

“I would love that, Hillari. I really would.”A smile eventually made it’s way to my lips.

I wanted to spill what I had wanted to say as of lately, but I couldn’t do it just yet. I think it would be too soon to ask to meet in person. Like Matt had said, he was nervous. I was nervous aswell and I didn’t want to break our relationship. We were both trying hard to make it work.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked, “How about some questions?”

“Ask away.”He chuckled.

“Just like the second day we spoke. Remember that?”I asked.

“I certainly do.”He said.”What’s your question?”

“Wait, there has to be rules.”I smiled.

“Rules? Rules to asking questions? Okay, lets here it.”I tried to picture him during the conversation, but it was very difficult.

“You have to tell the truth.”I said.”And we have to take turns. So I ask, then you ask. And I guess, be random. Ask about anything.”

“Who goes first?”He questioned.

I laughed into the phone before stating, “You go first.”

“Alright. Do you drink often?”I should have expected that one.

I thought for a moment, but shook my head from my thoughts. I couldn’t sugar coat anything, so I simply stated, “More than occasionally, but not every day.”

“Fair enough.”He said.

“Let’s see,”I tapped my fingers on my desk, trying to think of something to ask.”Do you drink?”

“No.”He had to be lying.

“One of the rules was not to lie.”I frowned.

“I’m not lying. I gave up drinking a long time ago.”He said.

“Why?”I asked.

“It’s my turn for a question.”He said.

“Alright, alright.”I huffed.

“What do you look like?”He almost whispered it.

I stopped for a moment, taking a glance in the mirror on my dresser. My hair was pulled back into a messy bun, my make-up stained my face from all of the crying I had done. I was a wreck, in general.

“Brown hair, blue eyes. I guess I’m not heavy. Not skinny, ether.”I said.

“Well at least they feed you.”He chuckled.

“Now my turn.”I said.”Why did you stop drinking?”

I could hear him sigh on the other end. I think I hit a deep spot for him and I instantly wanted to take back what I had asked. I cringed, not wanting to upset him.

“I can ask a dif-”He cut me off within a split second.

“No, you deserve to know.”He breathed.”I quit drinking because I finally realized I was going downhill. My friends noticed my down fall and made me quit. I wouldn’t have started if,”

He stopped and cleared his throat. His voice became shaky, but he continued on.

“This is not an excuse to my habits, but I started because of it.”He whispered softly.”I started drinking when your mother passed away.”

I sat in silence, shocked slightly by what Jimmy had to say. It really was true about my mother; she had passed away when I was born. I coughed into the phone, trying to make the silence go away. I wanted this conversation to turn and quickly.

“Well,”I sighed.

“Can I ask one more question?”Jimmy asked.

“Anything.”I said.

“This is going to be quite sudden, but answer however you want, Hillari.”He said.”Do you ever want to meet me?”

I stopped for a moment. Was he suggesting we set up a date to meet each other? Or was he simply implying that he wanted to meet me soon? I opened my mouth to speak, but no words were able to flow out. I tried once more, but I got the same response.

“Are you there?”I brushed my hair back, wondering what I should say.

“Yeah.”I choked.”Yes, I do want to meet you, Jimmy. I really do.”

“Can I cheat and ask one more question?”He sounded like a little kid.

I only shook my head. Even though he couldn’t see me, he most likely took the silence as approval. His voice boomed into the phone as he asked, “Do you want to set up a lunch date?”