Adolescent

This was Matt I was dealing with; he had given me no reason to snap or become confused. I was simply angry at the fact that I let my walls come down for this man. This man who took the time to come into my life and speak with me. It wasn’t that he was famous that riled me up; he never contacted me again after we first met.

I was worried that it was a scam. A quick meet and greet with some hidden pictures on the side. Did he want more people to know who he was if the media found out he had a daughter? Was he honestly going to drop me that quick after just starting to know me? I didn’t find myself as a bad person.

My eyes welled in tears at the heart breaking thought. Was I wrong to think this way? Was it so bad to have a sliver of doubt? I wiped down my face as I neared the park. I shoved my hurt fist deep into my jeans pocket as my other hand dug dangerously for my cigarettes.

I stormed through the sand, occasionally losing balance as I walked toward the swing set. Devin sat on his swing to the right, looking hurt and worried. I sat down next to him and lit my cancer stick. Anything at this point that could relieve stress was welcomed in my book.

“I’m sorry, Hillari.”He whispered quickly.

I let his words flow through my mind as I tried to muster up my own.

“Why?”I took a long drag, wanting the burn more than ever.

“Those articles. They’re about a year old.”He frowned.”Some of them are older. Maybe this was a bad idea.”

“It doesn’t matter how old they are, Dev.”I looked into his beautiful eyes.”It matters that you found Jimmy out. It matters that you showed me who I was dealing with. It matters to me.”

My voice slightly cracked at my emotional state and he let his head drop slightly. He sighed quietly and wiped his face down roughly with both hands. He stood from his swing and looked over at me.

“Journalists lie, Hillari.”He said quietly.”They lie and connive people into believing things that are bad about famous people. I should have taken the time to find everything out before I sent them to you. Please, don’t stay mad, okay?”

I starred down at the floor, occasionally taking a drag from my cigarette. I didn’t hide my tears at this point, I let them free fall. I was upset, but so utterly confused that I couldn’t make sense of anything. Should I give Matt another call? Should I apologize to him and see if I can get in contact with Jimmy again?

Maybe this whole thing wasn’t for attention or more fame. Maybe he had cold feet and felt weird talking to me so soon after he met me. I flicked my cigarette to the side and found Devin still on his feet. I looked up and said, “Matt called me on my way here. Twice. I just hung up on him after a couple of seconds.”

“What did he say?”He quickly perked up.

“I didn’t give him a chance to speak. He wanted to meet up and talk about what’s going on, but I got mad and closed my phone out.”I whimpered.

“Call him.”He stepped forward, taking my shoulders lightly within his large hands.”Please, Hillari, do yourself this favor and call him back. Maybe he knows something. Then you can sit down with Jimmy and talk about the articles.”

“I don’t kno -”He gripped my chin softly and whispered quietly.

“Please, Hillari. I didn’t think sending you those links would have fucked this up so badly. He called you for a fucking reason. He would have had that phone wired and tapped if he wanted more fame. You would have pictures and articles by now about you if it was a set up.”He said.”Please.”

I shook his hands from my shoulders and stood from my swing. I weighed my options for a couple of minutes before stating, “I’m gonna go home. Do this in privacy. I’ll call you later, alright?”

“Do whatever you need to do.”He smiled as he grabbed my hands.”And I promise I’ll mind my own buisiness and let things happen as they should. I’m sorry I caused to much trouble, Hillari. I really am.”

I pulled out of his grasp and wiped my stained eyes. I smiled warmly before nodding my head.

“Thankyou, Devin.”I kissed him softly, feeling his hands eventually crawl to warm my cheeks.

As we pulled away he whispered softly, “I love you. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I love you too.”I walked away from Devin and started my walk home.

It was worth a shot calling Matt back and apologizing. I’ll promise myself not to get so worked up again and hopefully things will fall back into place. I eventually made my way back to my house and stepped through the front door. My raging heart was the only sound within the house as I made my way to my room.

I was so nervous calling him back. Would he yell at me and hang up like I had twice before? I do admit I deserve it. Anything he had to say, actually. When I knew I was safe from all eyes and ears I slowly pulled my cell phone from my pocket. I dialed Matt’s number, but my thumb only hovered over the send button.

What do I say? How do I react if he gets angry with me? Should I prepare myself for horrible news just in case the articles read true? Should I expect to never see Jimmy again after this? I looked back down at my phone and went to hit send, but before I could, my phone began ringing. In large, bold letters read the name Jimmy.