Adolescent

Going to Jimmy’s house alone isn’t one of your best ideas, Hillari. I like the guy, but I don’t like him that much.

Devin’s fingers entertwined with mine as he drove down the highway. Jimmy had set a date to have a barbeque with him and his friends. I was beyond excited, but definatley had the fear of not being welcome by his friends. Matt may be an exception, but then again you never know.

That was another smack in the face - I was more nervous to meet Matt than any other of his friends. They could turn out to be nice guys, or absolute douche bags who’s egos’ were shoved so far up their ass they ate it for breakfast, lunch and diner. I rubbed down my face, sighing quietly.

My stomach tensed with every bump in the road; every turn and every hill. I was hoping for the best, but I couldn’t see into the future. I had yet to realize it, but I had tightened my grip severely on Devin’s hand. He looked down and smiled warmly.

“Is there any reason why you’re cutting the circulation off on my fingers?”He asked.”Or is it just for fun?”

“Sorry.”I let loose, but still held his hand.

“No one is making you do this, Hillari.”He mentioned.

“I want to do this.”I choked.”I’m just unbelievably nervous.”

“That’s okay. Think of how Jimmy feels right about now.”He smiled.”You’re going into his house.”

“Yeah, but still.”I frowned.

“It’ll be okay.”He squeezed my hand assuringly and took the next exit on the highway.

“I’m kinda hungry, though.”I grinned.

“You’re always hungry.”He laughed.

“You got lucky though. If I had any food in my stomach I think it would be on your dash board.”I smirked.

“I caught God on a good day.”We both laughed.

The drive seemed to last a long while, traveling up and down windy roads, passing stores upon stores. This was definatley a good time to learn more about Jimmy and his friends, but what’s a seventeen year old girl to thirty something year olds? I swallowed hard and dug nervously in my bag.

I pulled out my cigarettes and was eager to light one. Devin looked over and released his hand from mine. He asked, “Mind if I get one, babe?”

I handed it over and lit another for myself. I knew Devin was nervous aswell; he only smoked occasionally. More so when he was stressed or nervous about something. I reached for the radio, playing with the stations until I finally got to an alright station. Nothing good was on.

It would be harder to erase my mind and stomach of my nerves at this point. Devin took one last turn before the gps announced that our destination was on our right. I watched as the houses grew larger the further down we went. He stopped only three houses down and I let my head fall back.

I stole a pull from my Newport before looking over at Devin. He smoked heavily on the cigarette I had given him; he was already at the filter. He squeezed my hand once more before stating, “You ready to do this?”

“I think so.”I chuckled out of nerves.

I put my ear to the window and arched my brow. Was I hearing Miley Cyrus?

“I hope he doesn’t think I like Miley Cyrus.”I smiled.

“I think everyone knows you don’t like Miley, babe.”Devin opened his door and stepped around my side.

I stepped out aswell, each of us simultaneously stepping out our cigarettes. He grabbed my hand softly, pulling me easily from the car. I looked around the front lawn as he shut the door and smiled warmly. The lawn was large and decorated, but not over the limit.

The house was two stories and a decent size. I cleared my throat, attempting to find any sort of courage within me. This was our final moment in our relationship. This would ether make me or break me; I was leaning toward breaking me. Devin walked with me to the front door and I reluctantly rang the doorbell.

It felt as though my legs were going to give out on me. I was shaking and trying to keep calm. If this went on any longer I would soon be hugging the bushes and throwing up everything I’ve eaten for the last week, plus some. The lock on the door bolted open and I jumped.

It swung open, revealing Jimmy in the doorway. His face lit up like he hadn’t seen me in a long time. He cleared his throat before saying, “How are you, Hillari? Hi, Devin.”

“What’s up, Jimmy?”Devin smiled.

He grabbed my hand, startling me slightly.

“Come on in. I’ll show you the house before we head outside, alright?”We followed him in, shutting the door behind us.

I could feel the bial rising up in my throat and I painfully pushed it back down. I clutched my stomach lightly with my free hand and followed Jimmy through the kitchen and into the living room. It was a nice house, until my mind clicked. I had realized that if I hadn’t been adopted, this would be my home.

There would be no need for a tour of this house. I would most likely be found out with friends or watching a movie. You never know; I could always be out snorting coke or shooting up. I shook the thoughts out of my head as we headed up the stairs. At the top was a bathroom, his bedroom and a guest room.

Jimmy stopped at pictures sitting on top of a dresser and smiled warmly. He picked up a picture and turned, handing it over to me. I released my hand from Devin’s grasp and looked down at it. As I laced my fingers around the edges I nearly choked on my breath.

“That’s your biological mother, Hillari.”Jimmy said softly.

It was like it hurt him to tell me about this beautiful woman. I traced over her eyes, her jaw and her shoulders with my fingers. Devin gasped softly. Most likely at the features I had gotten from her.

“She looks just like you, Hillari.”He said quietly.

“She’s,”I choked.”beautiful.”

“I know. You took after her very well, sweetheart.”His smile was hiding his hurt.

It was almost like starring into a mirror. This woman had my nose, my full lips, my hair. She was much more mature looking, but I can guarentee looking back ten years she was identical to myself. I chewed on my bottom lip and felt my eyes well in tears. This would be as close as I could ever get to my mother.

I pushed the picture in Jimmy’s direction, but in no way disrespecting him. I cleared my throat loudly and said, “She’s very pretty.”

It stayed silent for a few seconds before Jimmy turned back to Devin and myself. He clapped his large hands together and stated, “Ready to head outside?”

I shook my head, despite my nerves telling me to turn and leave the house. I took hold of Devin’s hand and followed Jimmy down the stairs and to the back door. I could hear through the door the music and laughter, but I couldn’t help but feel nervous and slightly nauseous.

Jimmy stepped through the door and looked back at the both of us. I stepped away from Devin and followed after him, trying to hide myself behind his lanky and tall frame. I could see his friends dancing around the yard and partying, but I didn’t want to ruin their good time.

“Hey, guys!”Jimmy waved them to calm down and they all turned toward Jimmy and myself.

I choked slightly on my breath as smiles slowly met their faces. That must have been a good sign, right? I stepped away from Jimmy slightly as he turned and looked down at me. His smile held all the happiness in the world, plus some. He grabbed my hand tightly and looked back over at the guys.

“This,”He bit down on his bottom lip; his eyes started welling up.”is Hillari. This is my little girl!”

Devin stepped out behind us and crossed his arms over his chest with a smile. I looked down at the ground as they stayed silent, but was suddenly taken back when the guys started cheering. I let my eyes trace up the ground and Jimmy’s fingers tightened around my hand.

He smiled wildly, feeling almost euphoric at the event. I found the courage to look at the guys and slowly, a smile came to my lips. I felt welcomed in their world. I felt like they accepted me in their lives before they even got to know me. My eyes welled up in tears and I looked up at Jimmy.

As he looked down I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. This was the first time in a long time that I could honestly say I was happy. This was the first time in a long time that something new and wonderful came into my life. I chewed on my bottom lip as he hugged me back.

As I pulled away from him the guys died down, allowing me to introduce myself. Before I spoke, however, a large, built man stepped up to us with a smile. He had similar looks to Devin, but you could tell the difference. He stuck out his hand and said, “Finally nice to meet you, sweetheart. I’m Matt.”