Anaesthetic Heart

I woke up warm and happy in the arms of Faron wrapped tight in his sweater as we sat on the couch, a movie menu flickering on the screen in the now dark living room. Faron was asleep, his mouth slightly open and a soft echo of a snore coming from his chest. I couldn’t bear to wake him, he looked so peaceful. I smiled, and ran my fingers through his crimson locks, marvelling at the soft texture. His hair felt like butter, and I continued to absent mindedly stroke it as I looked around the darkening room to find a clock, my eyes landing on one that read six o’ three.

My family would be home any minute, if they weren’t already. I shyly listened to the house, for the sounds of life and movement. Satisfied that no such noises existed, I looked again to Faron. I was sitting half in his lap, my legs across his with his arm wrapped around my back. I was higher up than him, and his head rested in the crook of my neck. He was warm, God was he warm, and his cheeks were flushed from sleep.

I smiled to myself, and leaned down to gently peck his lips. When I went to pull away, his big arms tightened around me, holding me fast to his chest, “No,” he mumbled sleepily into my lips, “Don’t you run away on me yet.” His lips pulled on mine as I giggled. I kissed him again, this time little more energy shown and he returned the enthusiasm two-fold. It was a funny feeling, something new and unique. I didn’t know how to describe it, but I liked it. I giggled again, and Faron kissed me gently once more.

“Everyone will be home soon…” I trailed off, as I got lost in the dancing steel of his eyes as they creaked open from sleep and contentment. The way the outside of his irises physically moved kept me so entranced, I missed his response. I shook my head a little and refocused my gaze on the tip of his nose, “what did you say?”

“I said ‘I know, are you hungry?’” He laughed, and I felt his chest rumble beneath me as he did so.

I smiled, “A little.”

“Good,” He pulled me up with him as he stood, and I felt the blood quickly rushing to my head both from the feeling of his hands around my waist and how fast we stood up. It was like every time he touched me, my skin would spark with pleasure, something I knew he did on purpose to drive me crazy. I couldn't help but smile as he led me by the hand to the kitchen.

He let go of me, as I hopped up onto the kitchen counter and he went to the fridge, “What do you want to eat?” He asked me, his head buried inside the fridge.

“Surprise me?”

“Sure,” He laughed, pulling his head out of the fridge along with a bundle of food items. I pulled my legs up, now sitting cross legged on the counter, as he set to work his back to me as he started making food.

“Tell me something?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah?” He didn’t raise his head, but I saw him steady his shoulders, like he was preparing himself for something.

“When did you know?” My voice was gentle, and measured as I tried to convey the honest curiosity in my voice.

“Know what?” The curiosity was doubled in his voice.

“That you liked me?” I felt nervous, but the little guilty bud inside me was pushing me to ask, the words pouring out of me as the bud of curiosity and guilt exploded in full bloom.

Faron’s shoulders relaxed almost instantly, “When did I know?” I heard a hint of amusement tickling his voice, “Do you remember the first day you got here? You and Mack were unloading his truck, and Gran and I had just got back from the doctors. She threw a snowball at you while you were arguing with Mack. Do you remember that?”

I smiled, “Yeah, I think I do.” I broke into a laugh, remembering the slush sliding down my back and the wacky dance I did trying to get it out, “And then she hugged the crap out of me, right?”

“Exactly,” I could hear the smile in his voice, “Well, I had a feeling then, that you were just something else… something special. That’s why I helped you with your bag; I wanted an excuse to talk to you.”

“You did?” I was confused, and giddy as butterflies exploded in my stomach.

“Of course I did, a beautiful girl like you?” He chuckled and I blushed so hard I could almost see the red off my cheeks, “Anyways, I brought your bag up stairs and you were looking around your bedroom, you had this look… of pure amazement and wonder. It was adorable, and the simplicity of it…” He trailed off, and I tucked some hair behind my ear trying to hide the bubbling feeling in my stomach.

“I remember that,” I whispered.

“That was when I knew,” He said gently, as he paused what he was doing, “The way you ran your fingers across your old belongings and the innocence in your eyes… I was captivated by you.”

I smiled, “Well I’m pretty captivated by you too.”

“I’m glad,” He laughed, as he turned around with two bowls in hand, a smile on his face. He leaned in slowly and gave me a peck, and I knew in that moment that his lips against mine, was all I wanted. He was standing in front of the counter top, his lips hovering at mine as I tried to lean in and sneak another kiss. He laughed at me as he moved just out of range, and bumped my nose with his before pulling back entirely and handing me a bowl, “For you.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, and looked at the bowl of salad and chicken, catching his eyes as he hopped up on the counter beside me, and put his hand on top of my knee. He let it rest there, as he deftly balanced his bowl on his own knee and ate with one hand, staring off pensively at nothing.

We ate in relative silence, our own happiness feeding off of each others, as smiles played at our features. I finished before him, and hopped off the counter excitedly, clearing away my dish.

“Do you know what I just realized?” I asked, now bouncing with glee in front of him as he smiled and put a piece of chicken into his mouth.

“What?” The amusement was evident, as he watched me.

“I just realized that everyone is going to be home tomorrow!” I clasped my hands onto his knees, as I bounced on my heels, “Everyone is going to be here, including Dad, and Gran, and Mack, and Lizzie too! It’ll be the first time we've all been home in a while.”

Faron grinned, placing his bowl beside him, and gently grasping my face, “You’re right, Danny.” He murmured softly, watching me, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” I giggled, trying to look away, but he held me fast.

“Look so innocent,” He smiled, his face tender as he watched me, “You’re eyes lit up, and sparkled… and all because your family would be home.”

“Yeah, well!” I blushed, giggling nervously, “I love my family, and I like being with them! We spend so little time together, and it feels like with all the fast moving changes, I'll never readjust to being home. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a step in the right direction, y'know?” I started to giggle, but was cut off.

Just then, we could hear the front door slam open, and yelling come in with the wind and the cold.

“Cibrian, so help me God, I do not give a fuck about your services or payment! Either you find a fucking solution, or have hell to pay by my hands! You did this bullshit to my daughter, and you will fucking make her life as easy as possible!” My father roared, and I instantly froze. My bouncing seized and my hands stilled as an inky darkness spread over me. I knit my brows together, trying to concentrate on what they were saying.

“Really now, Marcus, is that necessary?!” My mother shrieked, “I know we’ve been in the wrong here! I get that! But must you be so barbaric and straight?”

“You were the barbaric one when you did this to our daughter,” My father barked back, “So you’re new, sniveling, conniving, low-life husband can fix this and help our daughter, because if I have to hear from my mother one more time that Danielle is suffering due to your piss-poor parenting and this curse, so help me God, someone will get it. And I know just who it will be.”

I backed up slowly, detangling myself from Faron and wrapping my arms around myself, trying to get a grip on the inky darkness that was spreding through my rib cage, the same darkness I felt every time they fought. Which seemed to be often, lately. Their voices carried so well, their anger as sharp as if it was in the kitchen with us and not down the hall in the entryway. I bit my lip, forcing away the tears that welled in my eyes. It’s been like this for days; no one can get along, and the eight of us living under one roof made nothing any better. Everyone is so hostile, everything is so loud. And so many people are hurting, not just me.

“I won’t do shit that I don’t want to!” Cibrian shouted loudly, his voice like fire spitting back at my dad.

“You will do whatever the fuck I want you too! Or you will do it anyway!” My father growled, his voice low and aggressive.

A few tears slid down my face. And I was surprised, because Faron was right there, pulling me into his chest. “It’s okay,” He whispered into my hair, squeezing me tightly. I just shook my head no; I had no way to tell him how guilty I felt, like this was all my fight. I was the cause of all this fighting, and I didn't think it was going to stop anytime soon.

“Men, must I remind you that there are so many other things to be concerned about! Must you really be fighting over this?” Gran asked loudly, her voice the only one of reason.

“You can’t make me do fuck all, Mutt.” Cibrian hissed, “If your precious daughter is suffering, all the better for me! I hated her anyway, she was just an obstacle in my way!”

“Cibrian!” My mother gasped in horror, her voice high pitched and whining.

There was a loud crash, followed by a series of bangs and gasps. And then nothing but dead silence.

I buried my face in Faron’s chest, trying my hardest to stifle my sob. Why do we all fight? Why do we all have to hate each other so much? I felt like the darkness of hatred, regret and guilt would swallow me alive.

“Listen here, Sparky,” My father snarled, his voice controlled and steady, “You will find a fucking solution, or I will choke the life straight from your pathetic body and you won’t have to worry about anyone suffering again.”

I heard a gurgling sound, distressed and grasping. My brain went frantic with what was happening in the hall, just beyond the view of the wall. I knew that my father was in control, his voice a low and authoritative grumble, that resonated strength and sheer anger. And I could only imagine, Cibrian in complete desperation as my father violently asserted his power, his Alpha side coming out as he forced his dominance.

“You... Can Just…” Cibrian gurgled low and throaty, “Fuck. Right. Off.”

“You’ll regret that,” My father sneered, before another loud crash. I gripped Faron’s shirt with both fists, letting my tears fall harder, as his arms wrapped tighter around me. More loud crashes followed, the sounds of new sprung fighting filling the air, so loud I thought there was storm raging just feet away.

All I could hear Gran yelling words of dissent and unhappiness, my mother shrieking, and the accelerated breathing of Faron as he held me. Gran was shouting about something I couldn't quite hear, but Faron could as he called back to her loudly, “In here!”

Seconds later, someone burst through the door. I couldn't see who it was, I kept my face buried in Faron’s chest; but when they spoke, I knew almost instantly.

“Oh, thank God.” Lizbeth breathed, her voice shaky. I could hear that she was crying, and if she wasn't, she was seconds away from bursting into tears.

“Give her to me,” The softest voice graced my ears, right above my head. A gentle hand grazed my back, and I turned my tear streaked face up to meet the concerned eyes of Mack, his lips curled into a reassuring my smile that I've seen nearly a thousand times over the years. I vaulted out of Faron’s arms, and into those of my best friend. His voice was an instant comfort as he wrapped his arms around me lending me his warmth, “Breathe, Hun. I’m right here.”

I let the darkness crash over me, as I took huge breaths trying to let him heal my aching heart. I realized I was sobbing incoherently and took a few desperate gasps, looking up at him. “M-Mack,”

“It’s okay, Hun. Your father is okay,” He wiped some tears, and placed his hand on my cheek. Without breaking eye contact, he said, “Faron, go help.”

“But I-“ Faron hesitated.

“Go, now.” Mack slowly dragged his eyes from mine and made contact with him, “You need to go, they could use your help.” His voice wasn't mean, but I could tell there was a double meaning to the edge in his voice. I heard Faron sigh, and slip quietly from the room.

I kept crying; it was like a flood gate had opened, and no matter how hard I tried I could not stop the flow that was coming. It was a raging flood, of emotion and angst, bubbling over and consuming me.

Mack held me closer, the way only he could. Years of friendship comforted me, as one hand gripped my back, and his soothing fingers stroked my hair. “You’re wrong,” Mack whispered, “You didn’t do this, Danny.” It was then I realized I had been blubbering aloud, about my lack of worth and fault. I pushed back and stared up at Mack’s face, twisted in pain by my self-loathing in my words.

I was blaming myself, and I wasn’t going to stop, “Mack, y-you’re never even ho-home anymore. Y-y-you’re always go-one, and you n-never see w-what happens. I could-d stop everything, if-if-if I just left. I-I s-seem to al-always c-cause the prob-problems. It is a-all m-my-my fault. If I was-wasn’t here anymore, if I h-had died with the curse, e-everyone w-would be ha-ha-happier.”

Mack suddenly grabbed me, hugging me close with such force that I gasped out loud.

“Don’t you ever say that,” He growled, his fingers knotted in my hair as he squeezed me to him with such force I thought he was going to crush me, “Damn it, Danielle. I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.” His fierceness in his words broke me.

I cried, for all that I was worth into the arms of the one person who knew me the best.

Mackenzie never questioned my merits, or my reasons. He never sought anything but love and respect from me, and had never treated me any differently. He loved me, unconditionally; and that would never change. Yet, he’d been absent for so long. I knew he had to deal with Graghat just as well as I, but now when I needed him at home, to help me he wasn’t there. He hadn’t been home in weeks except for the last time I broke down and he came home. I felt so lost in his embrace, but guilt hung to my mind as I clung to him. I felt like he was only here when I was a mess, we never got to laugh anymore, we never got to smile anymore, and it made my heart ache.

“M-M-Mack,” I sobbed, “I’ve m-missed you. P-please stay home, th-this time s-so we can h-have s-something good for a while? I m-miss y-your smile.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Danny.” Mack murmured softly, “I’m not going anywhere.”