I Left My Heart in San Diego

Billie and I were laying on his bed, me laying on top of his chest, his hands clasped around my waist, my hands on top of his.

"The basics," I said. "Do you have a middle name?"

"Nope. What's yours?" Billie asked.

"Leigh. L-E-I-G-H."

"That's pretty," Billie said, raising his head to give me a kiss in the crook of my neck. I shifted uncomfortably. "What is it?"

"That's my weak spot," I murmured.

Billie laughed. "You're going to regret telling me that."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not gonna forget it."

I rolled my eyes. "Anyway...when is your birthday?"

"February 17. Yours?"

"August 14. Smack dab in the middle of summer vacation," I answered.

Billie chuckled. "Do you have any siblings?" he asked, one of his thumbs rubbing back and forth over my stomach.

I shook my head. "No, it's just my mom and I. My dad left when I was ten," I said.

There was a moment of silence before Billie spoke again, and when he did, he spoke very quietly. "At least you have a father."

I rolled over onto my stomach to look at his face. "What do you mean?"

Billie sighed, and I saw a single tear slide over the side of his face. "My father died when I was ten."

I gasped, and shoved my hands underneath Billie's back, trying to hug him. Understanding my gesture, Billie arched his back so I could put my hands where I wanted.

I squeezed him tight, and as I squeezed, I could feel Billie's spastic chest movements: He was crying. "I'm so sorry, Billie," I whispered.

Billie wrapped his arms around my back as I brought my hands out from under his back and rested my head on them. A few seconds later, one thumb was rubbing back and forth over his chest, like Billie had been doing to me earlier. "It's okay, you didn't know."

I brought my head up to look at him. The sides of his face were streaked with tears, and I could see some of the tears had gotten into his hair. "If you don't mind me asking, how did he die?"

Billie sniffled. "Cancer."

I sighed and put my head back down, my thumb still rubbing back and forth over his chest. "I can't imagine what that was like."

Billie was silent for a moment. Then, he said, "Do you remember when you walked into my garage this afternoon?"

I brought my head up to look at him again. "Yeah, when you were sitting on one of the stone benches with an acoustic guitar by yourself, sheets of music spread out in front of you?"

"Yeah," Billie said. "Remember the song I was finishing?"

"I remember what it sounded like. You didn't notice I had walked in, and you started crying."

A small smile flitted across Billie's face. "And you came and sat down next to me. When you put your hand on my back, I freaked out. When I saw it was you, I relaxed, but I was so embarrassed."

I giggled. "I know. You told me so."

Billie smiled. "I remember that. Well, that song was about my dad," he said.

I sighed, watching the tears silently falling into his hair. "I'm so sorry, Billie," I repeated.

Billie smiled slightly, and then looked down at my face on his chest. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"It may be a little out of line, so don't get mad at me, okay?" I hesitated a moment before agreeing. "Now that you know that I've lost my dad...," Billie started.

"Go on...," I prompted.

"Would that make you any more...um...willing to...um...."

"What, Billie?" I was getting anxious.

"Would you be any more willing to" -- Billie took a deep breath -- "Would you be any more willing to have sex with me now that you know I've lost my dad?"

I laid my head down on Billie's chest, a big smile spreading across my face. "Izzie?" Billie asked. I started giggling, escalating into full-blown laughter. "What's so funny?"

"Your question!" I answered when I could find my voice.

"Why is it funny?" Billie asked, trying to look down at my face.

I looked up at him, the smile still on my face. "Because that is so something I imagined you would ask, and the broken way you asked it was just the icing on the cake," I explained.

Billie sighed and rolled his eyes. "So is it a yes or a no?"

"That was a serious question?"

"Yeah."

I stopped laughing. "Billie..."

"I'm leaning toward no."

"No, it's just--"

Billie perked up. "So it's a yes?"

"No."

"So what's your answer?"

I swung my legs in front of me to sit up. I looked into Billie's jade green eyes. "It's not yes and not no."

"What does that mean?"

I sighed and arched my back to stretch. I came back to center and looked into Billie's jade greens again. I slid back down on top of Billie, sliding my hands over his chest teasingly. I stopped when my face was level with his. "It means that I want my first time to be with you, but I'm confident enough to tell you that I'm not quite ready yet."

Billie lifted his head up to meet mine in a tender kiss. "Okay, but you tell me when you're ready, okay?" I nodded, letting my head down to kiss him again. After a few kisses, Billie broke off. "Can we fool around to make up for it, though?"

I laughed and quickly kissed him. "You take the lead. I'll admit I really don't know what I'm doing."

Billie laughed, lifting his head up to kiss me again, this time a little fiercer. I squeaked, and Billie gripped the sides of my waist, flipping us over. I giggled, and Billie nipped at my bottom lip.

Granting him permission, our tongues proceeded to explore the yet unexplored corners of the other's mouth. This certainly wasn't new to me; the new part came when Billie slipped one of his hands underneath my shirt, although still keeping it on my waist. I pulled back, my eyes searching Billie's face. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's just that your hand is really cold," I said.

Billie laughed and kissed me. "Well it'll get warmer being against your waist."

I laughed and started kissing him again. We resumed our previous...fun...and Billie slipped his other hand under my shirt, keeping them both at my waist. It took Billie forever to start moving his hands, but once they did, they moved very quickly up my side, resting on the sides of my bra.

I decided to try something. I know I told Billie I wasn't ready yet, but saying something and doing that something are two completely different things, and Billie can be very...persuasive.

My sleeve was bunched up by my shoulder, and I started to wiggle my right arm out. Coming to no avail, Billie broke off, panting slightly. "You said you didn't want to."

"My wanting to take off my shirt doesn't mean anything, Billie, I'm just experimenting."

Billie shrugged and helped my arm out of my sleeve. He kissed me into a sitting position, and coaxed my other arm out of its sleeve. I slowly raised my arms over my head, a smile blooming on my face.

Billie pulled my shirt over my head, kissed me for about five minutes, then pulled off my undershirt, leaving me in my bra, jeans, and socks. "Okay, Billie, you're not getting me that easy." I jabbed him in the chest. "This is coming off."

He sighed. "Okay, but I don't see how this is delaying the inevitable." His shirt joined mine in the small pile on the floor next to the bed.

"Oh, you'll see," I singsonged. "So where were we?"

Billie smiled evilly, slightly freaking me out. His hands on my shoulders gently pushed me back down onto his bed. Leaning over me with his face about an inch from mine, I could smell that intoxicating pot-and-something-sweet breath of his, heightening my excitement. "You're incredibly beautiful," Billie whispered, his lips crashing onto mine. My back arched slightly in pleasure, and Billie took advantage of this opportunity to slip his hands under my back, his fingers squished right beneath the clasp of my bra. With one swift motion, he unhooked it, and I broke off. "Sorry," he murmured.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I closed it, opened it again. "Just go a little slower, okay?"

"Slower? This is as slow as I know to go!" Billie protested.

"Well learn to go slower if you want to see this" -- I pointed to my unhooked bra -- "come off."

Billie sighed. "Alright, alright." I wasn't moving. "Well?"

"That doesn't mean you have to go backwards." Billie smiled again and leaned down to kiss me. We played an extensive game of tonsil hockey before Billie asked to remove the only thing between him and feeling my naked breasts against his naked chest.

I didn't answer, and Billie broke off. "Please?"

I opened my mouth to say no, but staring into those gorgeous yellow-greens, seeing those flecks of jade green and golden yellow, it was hard to say no. "Those eyes are impossible to resist."

Billie grinned and his hands moved oh-so-delicately to my shoulders, starting to remove the strap pinned beneath my right shoulder. Sensing his struggle, I sat up. "Thanks," he whispered. Both of his hands rested gently on my shoulders as his thumbs rubbed over them, taking my bra straps with them.

When it fell into my lap, Billie discarded it it onto the pile, and we just sat there for a moment, watching each other. A few minutes later, Billie lowered me back down, hovering over me in push-up position. He lowered himself onto me slowly, wanting to savor the feeling of my naked breasts against his naked chest. I gasped lightly upon first contact, and Billie smiled slightly, my breasts now pinned beneath his chest. "It's okay," he whispered. "I won't hurt you." I grinned and lifted my head up to kiss him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and asked for him to flip us over. Billie obliged, I now on top, a bit of relief washing over me with my breasts no longer pinned beneath him.

With many more opportunities, Billie took near an hour exhausting all of them. When he ran out of new things to do, he moved back to my mouth, continuing to kiss me. I could feel Billie's slight excitement as he returned to my mouth, and, frankly, it scared me, but Billie didn't seem to be doing anything about it, so I let him go.

A few minutes later, I felt Billie's thumbs at my hips, and my pants leaving them. I grasped Billie's wrists, breaking off abruptly. "No," I said, shaking my head vigorously.

Billie heaved a big sigh. "Alright."

"You're disappointed."

"Honestly, yes, a little bit." I released his wrists. "But that doesn't mean you have to push yourself just because of me. If you're uncomfortable, I'll stop, I understand." This put a big grin on my face. "And I realize I'm moving fast, but that's just the way I am."

I chuckled, yawning. "What time is it?"

Billie checked his clock. "One a.m."

"Yikes, how long were we going?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if it's been a couple hours. Wanna stop?" I nodded. "Okay. You want any of your clothes back?" I shook my head. "Alright."

And with that, Billie climbed over my legs, wrapped his arms around my waist, and started planting soft kisses at the base of my neck until we started to fall asleep. "Goodnight, Izzie, babe."

I smiled faintly. "Goodnight, Billie."