I Left My Heart in San Diego

CURRENT STORY DATE: 5/30/11; 5:00 AM

Another cry came from across the hall. Billie tightened his grip around my waist and mumbled something into my shoulder blade. I turned my head as far as I could over to look at him. "What was that, babe?" I asked.

Billie brought his head out of my shoulder blade and rested his chin on the top of it, his eyelids still droopy with sleep. He sighed and blinked once. "Nothing. Go take care of Cadence," he replied.

I smiled and kissed him lightly. "I'll be right back."

"It's not like I was planning on going anywhere," I heard Billie mumble as I walked out of his room and across the hall to where Cadence's crib was set.

I walked up to her crib, her cries subsiding as I approached. I picked her up from her crib and cradled her gently in my arms, and she stopped crying. "Hi sweetheart," I soothed, bouncing her lightly. I sat down in the rocking chair next to her crib and started rocking back and forth.

I rocked her gently for a few moments and then decided to place her back in her crib. She started whining as soon as I started to place her down, so I figured she just wanted some attention. Longing to back in bed with my husband, I took Cadence back in my arms, turned out the light, and walked back down the hallway to what had become Billie Joe's and my bedroom.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and swung my legs over the side, stretching them out next to Billie's sleeping form. He groaned and rolled over, and upon seeing Cadence in my arms, he sat up, smiling. "Well, I see you brought a visitor," he whispered.

I grinned and looked over at his smiling face, nodding. "I know she's probably hungry, she hasn't been fed all night, but I decided to come in here because you hardly ever see her, with all your practices and stuff lately."

Billie nodded and placed his finger in the grasp of Cadence's tiny fingers, watching her wrap them around his finger. I knew it was one of his favorite things to do as a new father. I think it was the sheer fascination of seeing something so fragile and knowing that you helped bring it into the world. I smiled as I watched him and Cadence, and then Cadence started to whine, letting go of Billie's finger. I smiled and shrugged off the left strap of the nightgown I was wearing, letting Cadence suckle gently. "I guess having a baby wasn't all bad for you, babe," Billie remarked quietly, leaning his head on my shoulder.

I looked over at him, rolling my eyes, but still smiling. "And I guess having a baby didn't change your mindset at all, Billie," I replied.

He just smiled and laid down, watching from Cadence breastfeed from an angle.



"Billie, you and I are married now! And are you forgetting that we have a daughter?" I reasoned as calmly as I could manage.

"Izzie, it's not like I don't want us to be together, but I'm part of a budding band! We have to get our music out there if we want to continue to be successful!" Billie replied.

I sighed, placing my head in my hand. "Billie...What about Cadence? What about me?"

"Izzie, baby, I'm sorry, but the mini-tour we went on back in September of last year was cut short by us getting in that accident and it never resumed. The fans that were looking forward to seeing us in the cities that we didn't visit were so disappointed that they weren't going to get to see us. Then we knew that you were pregnant with Cadence, and I decided it was time enough to ask you to marry me, which we did do, and life kinda caught up with us. But now, Mike, Tre, and I all have to get back into a band mindset and think about what we're going to do about the rest of the tour that we didn't get to finish."

Tears started falling from my eyes, landing silently in my lap. "Billie..."

He came closer to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Izzie. Sweetheart. Don't cry. You survived a week without me before the accident, and look, I survived that."

I cut him off by looking him straight in his yellow-green eyes. "Yes, but then you told me the worst news I had ever heard. You almost broke my heart, Billie Joe. Did anyone ever tell you that?" I asked, barely audible.

Billie stepped away from me slowly, staring at the floor. I saw tears falling silently, landing with the quietest splash, only being able to be heard by two people as quiet as we were. Billie finally shook his head, looking up at me with yellow-green eyes now bloodshot and red from crying. "No," he whispered. "No one ever told me that, Izzie." He looked back down at the floor, more tears falling.

I nodded. "That's why I was so reluctant to trust you again. You almost broke my heart, Billie. It's hard to trust someone who almost broke your heart," I said.

Billie looked back up at me, his eyes even redder and more bloodshot. He nodded and walked over to me, placing a finger gently under my chin and turning my face up to his, kissing me very lightly. He walked around me and placed his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Arizona, baby." He turned his face to meet mine. "If I had known I had hurt you that badly, I never would've asked you to marry me."

I turned around in the seat I was in to fully look at Billie. I smiled weakly and he kissed me firmly, his tears running down my cheeks, and mine down his. When we pulled apart, I kept his face close to mine by holding it. "I want you to finish your tour, Billie Joe. I want you to do whatever you have to to keep Green Day alive. That band was the closest thing you ever had to a family after your dad died and before you met me. I can see that in your eyes when you talk about anything having to do with the band, and especially when you play your guitar. That guitar is practically part of you, Billie Joe. I love you, so much, and I want to see you do what you love. If that requires you being separated from me, so be it."

Billie didn't say anything in response right away; he just kissed me again and enclosed me tightly in his arms, making us both release a wave of fresh tears into each other's shoulders. "I love you, too, Arizona. And thank you," he whispered, squeezing me tightly.