I Left My Heart in San Diego

CURRENT STORY DATE: 07/14/11

"So where do you wanna start, Arizona?" my mom asked, hands on her hips as we stood in the doorway of my bedroom with piles of boxes right behind us.

I shrugged and smiled widely at my daughter in her crib in the corner of the room. "I dunno. I guess we can just start packing things into boxes. Do we have the bubble wrap up here?"

My mom quickly scanned my room and the area outside the door. "No, I don't see it," she said. "Want me to go get it?"

"Yeah, because I'll need it for the stuff on top of my bookshelf and the snow globes and stuff," I said.

"Are you sure you're gonna have room for all of your stuff over at Billie's house?" my mom asked.

I shrugged. "I dunno, I haven't been there in a while because Green Day's out on tour; I don't have much of a reason to be over his house except for every once in a while to say hi to Ollie. If there's not enough room in the bedroom, I'm sure Ollie can find a way to make the extra stuff look nice around the house."

My mom smiled. "Alright then. I'll be right back. Why don't you start bringing things together ad packing them up?"

I smiled back at my mom. "Alright. I'm gonna put on some music."

"Not too loud," my mom called form the stairs. "Your very young daughter is still in the room."

I sighed with a smile as I docked my iPod and put on some quiet music. I kind of hoped that Cadence would get mine and her father's music interest when she grew up. I walked over to Cadence's crib and let her hold my finger for a few minutes. I smiled as she waved her little hand around and I gently stroked her sparse head of hair a few times. "We're moving out, Cadence, sweetheart. We're starting our own life, finally," I murmured to her. I leaned in and kissed her forehead gently.

"I thought I told you to start getting stuff ready," my mom said, mock annoyance in her voice.

I chuckled. "Yeah, well, I'm a mom, too, I do have to remember that," I said. I noticed the roll of Scotch tape on my mom's finger. "Oh, good, you got tape, too."

My mom smiled. "Now, really, Arizona, where do you want to start with all this stuff of yours?"



One hour and half a roll of bubble wrap later, my mom and I had one box packed full of the little things that adorned my furniture. Cadence then started crying, drowning out the quiet music I had put on when we started. I sighed and stood up, walking over to her crib. I picked her up out of it and held her gently to my chest. Her cries continued after a few minutes of being held, so I then knew she was hungry. I sat down on the edge of my bed, and held up my shirt for Cadence. She eagerly latched onto my exposed breast and began to suckle. I looked over at my mother. "It seems we're taking a bit of a break," I said, smiling.

After a moment, smaller cries could be heard from the guest bedroom. "That must be Alaska," my mom said. She stood up and walked towards my bedroom door. "I'll be right back." My mom walked out and I looked down at Cadence, still suckling, but not as intently. When my mom came back with a whining Alaska, she sat down next to me on my bed and smiled over at me. "I never thought this would happen to me," she said.

"What's that?" I said, glancing over at her while she lifted her shirt for Alaska.

"I never thought I would be sitting side-by-side with my daughter while we both nurse our children. It's kind of...magical, I suppose," my mom explained.

I grinned. "Yeah, I guess it is a once-in-a-lifetime thing," I agreed. I felt a released pressure on my breast, and looked down to see Cadence had detached from me. I rolled my shirt back down and just held Cadence for a little while while my mom continued to nurse Alaska.

When she finished, we switched babies; I held my baby sister, and my mom got to hold her granddaughter. We were cooing respectively at them, smiling widely and watching them smile back at us, toothless. "Wait until you'll be babysitting them both together, Mom," I said, laughing.

My mom laughed in response. "I could say the same to you."

I laughed back at my mom. "When I'm not busy with my kids," I said.

"Kids?" my mom asked.

"Fuck," I muttered.

"Kids?" my mom repeated.

I rubbed the back of my neck in nervousness, a habit I had sort of picked up from Billie. "Yeah, I, uhm, kind of forgot to tell you that I'm pregnant again," I said hurriedly.

"Forgot?" my mom exclaimed.

"Heh..."

"Arizona, how do you forget to tell someone you're pregnant?? I'm your mother for Christ's sakes!!" she shrieked.

"Mom! Calm down!"

"How can I calm down, Arizona?? My 18-year-old daughter has a two-month-old daughter, and she's pregnant again!"

"Cadence is three months old, Mom. And I'm almost four weeks pregnant," I corrected her.

"Three months? I thought you had her in May."

"April sixteenth."

"Okay. So when is your next baby due?"

"February twenty-seventh."

"That's soon after Billie Joe's birthday," my mom remarked.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I know. It's okay, though. I was just happy I wasn't due right around Billie's birthday!"

My mom chuckled, too. "Yeah, I suppose that's a good thing, too. Alaska was born close to Aran's birthday, so his last birthday wasn't perfect, but he still said it was."

"That's what he's supposed to do, Mom. Besides, you just had Alaska. Of course he said it was perfect; she's adorable," I assured her.

"Thanks, sweetheart," she said, smiling.

I grinned back at her. "We've been up here for two hours and we haven't packed anything yet," I said.

My mom glanced back at the clock on my nightstand. "Well, moving out doesn't take an afternoon, Arizona. Even when you're only moving across the street."

"Well, yeah, this is true. And it takes even longer when both you and your mom have children under a year old."

"Alaska's almost a year old, can you believe it?" my mom asked.

"Really? How old is she now?"

"Ten months. She was born on September tenth."

"Wow. Time flies, huh?" I said.

My mom smiled. "Yeah. One moment my little girl is going off to her first day of school, the next she's married and has kids."

"Aw, Mom! You're gonna make me cry!" I exclaimed.

My mom laughed. "I'm just glad you're happy, Arizona. That's all I've ever wanted for you, no matter what that ever meant for me."

"Seriously, Mom, I wasn't kidding. But I appreciate that. And I'm glad you're happy again, too." I smiled at my mom, rubbing her shoulder lightly.

"Thank you, Arizona. Aran and Alaska are the best things that have ever happened to me since your father left us."

"Honestly, Mom, I almost never thought you would move on from Dad."

"There are times when I still think about your father, even now."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I just wonder what he's doing with his life."

"You still wonder if he cares," I said.

My mom looked at me and was silent for a moment before she said, "I suppose."

"Don't try bullshitting me, Mom. I can tell you still care for Dad, and you wonder if he still cares for you," I told her.

She sighed. "I'll be right back." I snorted. Typical of my mother, I thought. I stood up and put Cadence back in her crib. I stood there for a moment, watching her move about in her crib. She looked at me, and I smiled. I felt someone else kneel on the edge of the crib, and I looked over. It was my mother, and I had to resist sighing out of disappointment. "Sorry, sweetheart," she said.

"For what?"

"Getting your hopes up." I laughed humorlessly and looked back down at Cadence. "He'll be back in a month."

"August twenty-fifth. He's not gonna be here for my birthday."

"Cadence will be. I will be. Aran and Ollie will be. The rest of the Armstrongs will be. Your friends will be, Ziera and Mary Jane."

I smiled lightly. "Yeah, thanks, Mom," I said, turning to her and hugging her.

She hugged me back, and when we pulled back, she was smiling. "Now why don't you pack some of the things in your closet in that box, and go take them over to Billie Joe's. Let Ollie know you'll be living there from now on."

"Mom, she already thinks I live there. She's thought that for a long time. She's even questioned why I don't have many of my things over there multiple times," I said.

"Well, this will just make it official, then." I smiled at my mom again. "Now, let's really get packing."

"Yeah! But can we eat first?" I asked.

My mom just laughed at me.