Tinsel and Bulbs.

“Merry mother fucking Christmas!”

I shot forward from my bed, in a startled, half-asleep daze. The blood rushed to my head, making me instantly dizzy and started my day off with a lovely headache. After my eyes stopped burning from the sun, shining through the window, and I could see somewhat clearly, I found Jimmy sitting at the foot of my bed.

“James Owen fucking Sullivan, why the hell are you in my house?!” I exclaimed. After a second of questioning Jimmy being in my house, I thought of something more important. “Wait. How the hell did you get in my house?”

Jimmy just gave me a large, happy grin.

“Well, one day, we stole your keys when you and Zacky were boning, and we all have a copy of your house key. Front and back door.”

I gagged a little and stared at him. “Jimmy, I love you, but get the fuck out of my house...”

I groaned, and fell backwards against my pillow. From downstairs, I heard Matt, howling with laughter, and Zacky screaming something. I assumed Matt was just calling him a fat ass or a fudge packer, like every other day.

Why should Christmas be any different? Calling Zacky fat was almost as usual as calling Johnny short shit, nowadays.

He shook his head no. “Nope, we have a Christmas surprise for you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “‘We’?”

Honestly, it scared me sometimes when it’s more than just one of them contributing to presents. I’ve known them since I was fourteen. You’d think I’d be used to this shit, but, even to this day, I am not used to their antics and crazy ideas.

“Bath time!” he yelled, instead of answering my question. He jumped up from his spot on my bed and grabbed my wrist, pulling me up from my warm, comfortable spot on my bed. He hurried me into the bathroom that was attached to my room.

“But–”

“Bath time!”

“Jimmy–”

“It’s bath time, Lyndsey . Get over it.”

I sighed, in defeat. I glared at him as I slammed the door shut.

---

Within forty-five minutes, I was clean, my hair was dry, I was fully changed in grey sweatpants, a Vengeance University shirt and an Avenged Sevenfold hoodie, and standing in what I assumed my living room, with Jimmy’s hand cupped over my eyes.

“Jimmy, what are we doing?” I asked, curiosity coating my voice. I played with my phone in my hoodie pocket, since I had nothing better to do.

“Well, little Lyns, we are waiting.”

“Waiting for...?” I asked, waiting for an answer. When I didn’t get one, I sighed. “James, what the hell are we doing?!”

“Waiting for your present!” he exclaimed. Then, he laughed his ass off. I didn’t question anything. Instead, I just stood there. What else could I do?

“I am not going out there,” I heard Zacky huff, from my kitchen.

“Zachary, get out there and please your woman!” Matt exclaimed in reply, and Johnny and Brian erupted laughing. Even Jimmy chuckled behind me.

“Yeah, Zacky,” Johnny said, in a mocking tone, “get out there and please her!”

Why did I have a feeling this was going to be bad? It was mainly the way Matt had said it that made me want to start worrying about what the hell they were doing in the kitchen.

“Fuck no, man!” Zack yelled.

“Zack, don’t make me fucking do it—Oh, son of a bitch, Zack. I’m doing it.”

I heard a bit of a struggle. Actually, it sounded like a dying raccoon trying to run away from its predator. As in, pots falling and my table moving and scratching against the floor. Bangs and crashes were heard, echoing throughout my amazing kitchen.

Then, I heard them walking out into the living room, Matt, Brian and Johnny snickering, Jimmy stifling a laugh, and Zacky mumbling some inaudible words.

“Okay,” Brian started, “we’re going to leave now. Lyns, don’t open your eyes until the door shut. Zacky, don’t fucking try to run away, or Lyns will call us and we will hunt your naked ass down!”

“Brian, did you just say–”

“He said nothing!” Johnny interrupted me. I opened my mouth to argue, but shut it quickly. What the hell was going on in here?

Jimmy lifted his hands from my head, and someone—I’m assuming it was Matt, considering he had huge fucking hands—moved my hands up to my eyes, where Jimmy’s hands were just resting. Matt kissed my head.

“See you later, Lyns. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Matty Boo,” I replied. I could imagine Matt’s huge grin, plastered across his face.

“She loves me more!” Jimmy screamed.

“Love you more, Jimmy,” I stated, rolling my eyes.

“Hey!” Matt yelled, before stomping towards the door. “Let’s go, motha fuckas! Let the woman enjoy her greatest Christmas gift we’ve ever given her.”

After about fifteen seconds of laughter, I heard the door shut. Then, I heard Matt’s huge SUV roar to life, and then I heard them peeling out of my driveway.

They should go back and learn how to drive again.

“Should I be afraid to open my eyes?”

Zacky, again, mumbled something I couldn’t understand, so I opened my eyes, and almost died.

I covered my mouth, trying to stop myself from giggling, and he shot me a death glare from hell. He said something, which sounded along the lines of: “If you don’t fucking help me right now, I’m going to kill you.”

I shook my head no, before pulling my cell phone out of my pocket and snapping a quick picture, before he could try to run away.

He looked beyond pissed off. Actually, he looked so pissed it probably hurt him.

Nothing a little make-up sex couldn’t solve.

Standing in front of me was my boyfriend, with hot pink duct tape over his mouth and handcuffed behind his back.

He wasn’t wearing anything but blue tinsel, with silver and blue bulbs dangling down from it.

Best Christmas present.

Ever.