Don't Get Sentimental On Me

The only thing I had done all weekend was go over to John's house and watch him write music. I didn't tell him about my Kennedy problems. They were in the same grade, and quite frankly I just didn't trust John enough to let him know how much I liked Kenny.

After hanging out at his house, I went home and tried to do my math homework that was due the next day. I knew that neither Pat or Garrett would be able to help me with it. I didn't want to talk to Kennedy quite yet, but he was the only person I knew to call.

"Hello?"

"Hey...," I said, my voice hoarse.

"Adri? Are you okay?" he asked.

I was quiet for a minute, "Hugh? Yeah, I just need some help with my homework."

"I'll be right over," he said.

Usually Kennedy would just answer all my questions over the phone. He rarely came over to my house. He wasn't even good at math...but I couldn't help but go to him. I couldn't help but remember him asking me if I would require his "awesome" math skills.

When he came over, he came straight up to my room. I was distracted by my complicating thoughts which wouldn't allow me any breathing room. He cleared his throat in my doorway, causing me to turn my head and stare, my mouth agape. He smiled half-heartedly.

"Ugh...hey," he said.

"Hey, Kenny." Why were we both so quiet?

"So what did you need help with?" My heart.

"Ugh, this radicals...sheet," I said, waving it in the air.

"Well...I think the problems you are expiriencing are due to the fact that this isn't radicals...it's a review on exponents," he chuckled, taking the paper from my hand.

"This is the paper...sorry," I said, taking out the correct paper.

"Well, you can just enter this into your calculator and it will do the work for you."

"But I can't have the calculator on the exam," I smiled with tired eyes, looking up into the boy's face, now darkened by the shadows formed across the room.

"You know I'm no good at this stuff," he laughed nervously before sitting down next me on my bed.

"Then why did you come over?" I mumbled.

"I don't know. I think I just wanted to," he said, now breathing down my neck as he grew closer to see the paper better.

"I'm never going to get this homework done, Kennedy."

"I just wanted to come over and make sure you were okay - we were okay," he sighed, "That's all I wanted."

"Well, we're okay."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

"Adri, this is really hard."

"What's so hard? You can't own up to your own feelings?" I asked, now sitting up towards my headboard.

"Adrianne, look, stop acting so hurt."

"Well, I'm going to be at least a little hurt. You completely rejected me, and I put myself out there for you. I was completely vulnerable."

"Why are you getting so upset over this? You just wanted to go as friends."

"If you aren't here to talk about homework, then you should just go back home."

"I came over here for you."

"No. You didn't." I said.

We just stared at each other for a few minutes before Kennedy stood. He was still looking directly at me, his brown eyes dark and his lips formed a thick line. He went to the doorway, turning his back on me before turning and looking at me for another second, his eyes saddening before exiting, shutting the door behind him as he went. I waited until I could hear him drive away in the dead silence before shoving my face into a pillow and screaming, crying hysterical tears of wanting.

And I never got that damn homework done.
* * * * *
"So...after all that he just left?" Garrett asked.

"Yeah. He fucking left," I said, running a hand through my hair.

"What's wierd is that even though you both subtly hinted at it, you never actually admitted feelings for each other."

"I know, Garrett. This is the last thing I want to think about."

"Have you guys spoken to each other since then?"

"No. Not really. I didn't even go to his last soccer game." I always went to his soccer games...I was always there for him.

"Wow. You're his good luck charm!"

"Did they win or lose?"

"Win, but that's beside the point."

"You know what the worst part is?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What?"

"I don't even have a date to that stupid dance tomorrow."

"I'll take you," Garrett said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I thought you weren't going to go."

"You're one of my best friends. I'll go with you."

"Thanks, Garrett."

"And if you want, we can make Kennedy jealous by making out. I wouldn't object." I punched him in the shoulder as we both started laughing.

I went to my next class, which was with Kennedy. I planned to ignore him just like everyday this week. We both seemed to be unaffected by our sudden separation, but I was really dying. I couldn't take sitting next to him, knowing that we both felt some kind of feelings that we just couldn't admit to each other. The sound of the bell, once a painful sound came as a pleasurable release to go to my next class and to get as far away from Kennedy as I could.

It was getting so much harder to get through these days.