So Let's Cause A Scene

Things were supposed to get better. I had talked to Ryan after he had kissed me. He had been drunk. He told me that he hadn’t meant it, that it was a mistake. I just smiled and told him that he had nothing to be sorry for. I told him that he had nothing to worry about, that everything would back to normal.

It was a week later and I had expected things to get better. It was hard not to wish that things would get better. After that night I felt more depressed and alone. Even Lily noticed – and she never noticed those things.

We had decided one night to go out for dinner together. She thought that it was finally time to do something together just the two of us. So we went to the movies. But nothing good was playing – absolutely nothing. So every half hour so we would change to a different movie. Sometimes we watched nothing but credits, others all the previews.

I had no idea what was happening in any of the movies, but it was much more entertaining that way than actually watching yet another horribly done movie. Movies were going to the dumps, the only good thing was the previews the popcorn.

Popcorn was my favourite food in the world. And movie theater popcorn was the best kind there was. The very best.

After we had gone to all the movies we saw Ryan and Brendon. Actually, it would be more politically correct to say that Lily and Brendon ran into each other, causing everyone's popcorn to fly into the air. I helped Lily up off the ground while Ryan helped up Brendon.

It was one of the most awkward conversations. Ryan and Lily didn’t want to talk to each other, I didn’t want to talk to Ryan, and so I just sat down on the ground and said, "Poor popcorn."

Everyone gave me really weird looks while I pouted at the ruined popcorn. I stayed on the floor until Brendon and Ryan left. I had watched Ryan, wondering how he was reacting. He hadn’t seen Lily in months. It must have been killing.

However, if it was, he wasn’t showing it. He had a smile on his face as he looked at Brendon. My eyes made there way over to Brendon, wondering if he was doing something that would cause him to smile. However, Brendon was just looking at Ryan, a smile on his face. It was as if they were sharing a secret between the two.

Once they left, I got up off the ground and went and bought more popcorn. I swear, popcorn was more addicting than any drug could ever wish to be.

That was three days ago. Tonight, however, I was going out on a blind date. Set up by none other than Brendon. He seemed to realize that Ryan wasn’t the only depressed one. I was just afraid that he would hook me up with Jon. Jon scared me sometimes. I loved the kid, but he had some problems.

Plus, I think he's with some girl named Ellie, and I would to get between another friend and the person he really loved.

As I was getting ready, I did my best to pretend that it was just like another night. I knew that if I thought about the fact that I was going out with some guy I didn’t know I would either go a little crazy while I got ready or I would go into a mental breakdown.

So instead I pretended that I was going to hang out with Brendon. And because of that, I ended up looking like I mess. I never cared what I looked like when I visited Brendon. I was wearing a pair of purple pants and a yellow shirt that didn’t match. My hair was being weird and uncontrollable again. I tried to brush it, but it didn’t help. Then, because I took so much time trying to fix my hair, I had no time to do my make-up.

I went to the restaurant where Brendon said the guy would meet me. I walked into the restaurant and took a seat at the bar. I ordered a martini and drank it all down in once gulp. I looked around the restaurant. Everyone looked so happy, even the waiters had smiles on there faces – most of which didn’t look fake or forced.

I did my best to put a smile on my face, too. I didn’t want to make it seem as if I was overly depressed, could almost never get a decent night sleep, as if all of people closest to me didn’t betray me or leave me feeling like I betrayed them.

I wanted to look as if I was happy to be alive. I didn’t want to stand out in a crowd. The smile on my face grew – big and forced. Thing was, an hour and three martinis later, my smile couldn’t even mange to be forced.

I had been stood up. Stood up by one of Brendon's friends! I would have expected this from someone I met off the internet or something, but I had hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe, something good would come by way.

I guess wishing is kind of stupid, isn’t it?

After drinking my third martini, I placed the empty glass on the table. I paid the bartender a wad of money, not caring how much there was within the wad, and left.

I was happy that I didn’t have the temptation to drive home. I was so drunk that I could barely walk, driving would have killed me. I almost never drove anyways, way to afraid that I would go into a coma again. I had just gotten my license renewed once more. It was taken away because of what a reckless driver I had been two years ago.

The problem with the lack of car and lack of money was that I was having such a problem walking. It was obvious that I was drunk. I rarely ever drank, but when I did it didn’t take much to get me drunk. My house was normally a ten minute walk, but I knew it was going to take me longer in my drunken state.

Then I spotted something that would make my night. I almost jumped for joy, but restrained myself, afraid that I would fall onto the ground once the jump was finished. I walked inside, just the smell itself lifting my spirits.

Oh how I loved Starbucks.

Now, I know that coffee doesn’t make you sober or anything, but there was nothing holding me back from trying. Well, until I realized that I didn’t have money. I sat down at a table and began to bang my head against it. I did that for about five minutes without anyone or anything interrupting me.

I was about to go for my sixth minute when I heard, "Michelle?" I turned my head, which was resting on the table, towards the voice. The voice sounded so familiar yet I could place where I knew it. However, the moment I saw the person's face, I immediately knew where I knew the voice from.

Who knew someone's voice could sound the same as their moan.