Don't Deny Me

It's been two weeks since Brian helped me sneak into that bar. Not too much has changed really. I mean, we still have our moments when we get annoyed with each other but I find myself staring at him.

Sometimes it's from frustration and sometimes in admiration and sometimes I just can't seem to help myself. Let's be honest, Brian is very attractive. And, well, I'm just a girl who can't help her hormones.

"What would you do with that if you had the chance?" Bree nodded to Brian one day as we did our early morning set up. I looked up through messy hair to see Brian walking with another band member, talking with his hands. I immediately felt my face burn at the thought of sexual contact.

"I don't know!" I exclaimed, my voice was high as I tried to defend myself, nervous laughter giving me away.

Oh, how I wish I was so much more confident around males.

Bree chuckled, sucking his teeth, he wiped a table and shook his head.

"Lord, what I would do to him..." He would have went on and on all day but we had a job to focus on. I wasn't normally this much of a prude, I swear, but recently I found myself nurturing a small crush on Brian. A small crush I was stupid enough to tell Bree about. He'd been teasing me for a few days while I prayed he wouldn't say anything around Brian.

"Let's not go there." I ran my hands through my hair, pulling out my phone and fixing some flaking mascara through the reflection.

"Why don't you like to talk about him?" Bree questioned while he went about his duties. Almost instantly my palms got clammy as I tried to busy myself with organizing since Valentina and December were engaged in some other project for the day.

"He's a pain." I lied, attempting to wave off the conversation as my brother was passing by the tent.

"Danny!" I screamed so he would hear me. It felt like forever since we had hung out, naturally I was a little excited.

Lucca turned from his chat with my brother to look at me but Danny didn't.

He must have heard me. Why was he ignoring me?

"Danny!" I called again but this time he turned slightly as he paused from walking and talking.

I waved at him frantically, a small sick sensation was growing in my stomach as he very reluctantly came over to the booth Bree and I were attending.

"What did you want?" Danny asked, or rather he asked the floor. For some reason my own brother couldn't even look at me and I was completely clueless as to why not.

"Um, hi, it's me.... your sister. Can you look at me?" I folded my arms around my chest, my heart was trying not to race. It felt like it would drop at any moment.

Danny fiddled with his fingers then looked at me. His eyes were shifty like he was scared someone would see him talking to me.

"What do you want, Lexie, I don't have all day."

That's all it took for my breath to catch and for my heart to fall.

"What happened to you?" I could barely breathe.

"I can't be around you. You'll mess up everything, it's bad enough your boyfriends assaulted Lucca." His eyes were darker than I had ever seen them.

"We're going to be signed and that's huge. I can't have you mess this up for me. Sorry, but, maybe you were better off not coming."

I.....what...?

"Danny?" My eyes burned with tears. My arms reached out to stop him from leaving but at the contact of my fingertips on his arm, Danny shrugged me off brutally.

Bree made a few coos of reassurance but I didn't really hear much of it. What the hell just happened? Danny and I were close, I mean I thought we were. How could he just ditch me like that? I thought he promised me that family was first. And were did that leave Bree? Was he going to be kicked off my brother's bus too?

It was hot today but I had chills up and down my arms and bare legs.

"C'mon Lexie, why don't you just take today off?" Bree tried to rub away the gooseflesh.

I should have excepted his offer but I didn't want to seem weak. I couldn't.

"I don't want to be the cry baby." I assured him I would be able to pull myself together.

Sucking in shaky breath, I shut my eyes to deny the tears that wanted to spill. God, I was so sick of crying on this tour.

"You know what? I'm going to change." I sniffed, my hands pulled the stray hairs from my face. I had caught sight of Valentina as she practically threw herself in Brian's arms. He seemed glad to see her but not as ecstatic as she was.

"I'm gonna be like her." I nodded to Val.

Bree sucked his teeth while he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You don't have to throw yourself, doll." He looked on in disapproval for her flirting style but I sort of admired her for it.

She was sort of a slut with guys but she was confident enough to let guys know exactly what she was thinking of them.

That was how I wanted to be from now on, I was sick of being hurt by men and their stupid egos. Why couldn't I just blindly screw someone over too?

"Tonight Bree. Tonight, on the bus, I'm going to throw myself at Brian and we're going to.... to have sex!" I declared with much more confidence than I felt.

What Danny had told me was cruel and had me in enough shock.

If I was going to be accused of fucking something up then I may as well actually do something.

****************

After a long and particularly rough day, it came time for all of us to get back on the bus.

The declarations I had made earlier in the day also came flooding back during this time, my cheeks decided to flush violently as butterflies danced vigorously in the pit of my stomach. I laughed when I pictured moshing butterflies in the "pit".

All of Avenged were sitting in their leisure clothes on the couches with drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces from sharing some stories.

Being around them like this was nice, it was sort of like being part of a family. Not the most traditional family but it was great to belong to someone since my blood had decided to be a dick and betray me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I decided I wanted to try the Valentina approach and be bold.

I would go outside of my comfort zone tonight.

With a deep breath, I set my shoulders and sat myself right next to Brian. Well I was practically on his lap.

There was no telling how stupid I felt, the other guys didn't really seem to notice the change in my behavior but Brian did. His eyes widened in a sort of challenge. Whatever he thought I was trying to do, I wanted to let him know that the ball was definitely in his court. We had some sexual tension, anyone could tell but neither of us had acted on it.

I rubbed leg on his and tried to brush my breasts on him more than I had too.

I think the guys were trying to get crazy drunk because not long after my little hints, they went in search of more stuff to funnel down their throats.

Zack and Johnny left to one of the bunks while Jimmy said something about taking a shit. Matt was stuck with Brian and I but one look at us and he muttered something about a phone call he had to make.

It was just Brian and I.

My breasts were very much on him and my leg was practically wrapped around his. When would he pounce on me already?

"What exactly are you trying to do?" Brian asked after taking in some of his drink. He didn't sound upset only curious and slightly amused.

Be daring.

"I'm giving myself to you. Isn't that what you want?" I tried to be flirty and coy, even positioning myself to sit on my knees on the couch so it would be easy to straddle him.

"Whoa, I thought you hated me and didn't want to be associated with psychos or whatever?" Brian held me by shoulders, his chuckle made me feel my age. My fearless mindset was quickly fading.

Instead of answering him, I quickly glanced at where the guys would be coming from and shot myself at Brian hoping that somehow our lips would meet.

To my complete surprise and to be honest, to my delight, our lips clashed together.

It was a clumsy first kiss but I had a mission. Fuck this man and focus on a different reality.

The kiss itself was more than nice. His lips were thin but he was a surprisingly gentle kisser. Or maybe he was just shocked at my force.

He quickly pushed me away, "Lexie, look, I'm... I'm flattered but I can't."

After deciding I would sacrifice, not only my first kiss but my virginity with him and he refused me. I couldn't help but feel distraught.

I slumped down from practically being in his face to being by his side. I was a sad sight, a young naive girl who thought she knew the game better than the Master.

"Lexie, we both know you aren't a slut. What brought this on?"

Rather than being surprised by his Jekyll and Hyde act, I spilled. I told him everything, about my brother, how out of place I felt and still feel and even about my confusing crush on him.

I didn't want to go spill my guts and especially to him but I guess sometimes a girl can get fed up and just in need of a shoulder to cry on. Lucky for Brian, he was going to be my shoulder.

"You were trying to be like Valentina?" He tentatively rubbed my cheek and smirked, "That wasn't going to work, contrary to popular belief, I don't dig girls who throw pussy in my face."

He held my gaze and winked. We laughed together and he actually made me feel better.

"I like a challenge Lexie." Brian whispered in my ear as the guys started to pour some drinks for themselves.

For about half an hour as the guys played drinking games and just continued to have fun, Brian tried to include me and overall was being really sweet. Still, I felt kind of funny, I had my first kiss and it was total lip rape.

Brian must have seen the forlorn haze in my eyes because he told the guys he was going to be back but he pulled me up by my arm and took me with him to where our beds were.

When we were safely hidden from the rest of the guys, Brian pushed me tenderly against the wood frame of the bunks. He held up some of his weight with his right arm so we were close enough to feel each others breath. His was calm and even while mine was choppy.

That smirk came back to his lips as he placed his calloused hand on my cheek.

I was about to ask an obvious question but just as I sucked in air to speak, he wet his lips with a quick brush of tongue on flesh and pressed that onto mine.

His eyes were closed so I took his lead and did the same.

It was like small explosions were playing out on the back of my eyelids. My stomach felt like it did when I went on a roller coaster and it was time for the huge drop.

Something that felt suspiciously like his tongue softly touched my bottom lip. I figured he wanted me to open my mouth so I did but I wasn't too sure on how to kiss with tongue.

He sought out the velvety warmth in my mouth and I awkwardly tried to meet his grace. After a moment he pulled away to look me in the eyes.

"We can try the tongue stuff another time." Brian's voice became seductive, raspy and smooth all at the same time.

My cheeks burned with a blush at how horrible I must have been if he didn't even want to pretend to continue.

He kissed me again with a soft lingering sweetness that made my knees weak.

"I didn't mind being attacked by your lips earlier, but some consent is nice huh?" he teased me lightly.

It was here, in the back of a man filled tour bus, that I had my first real kiss with a man thousands of girls and women and maybe even men alike wanted to ravish.

I would never forget this.