Don't Deny Me

Being in the pit was definitely something I needed. Valentina totally knew how to mosh and even taught me a few things I would have to remember next concert.

To say I was sad when the set was over was an understatement, I had such a blast forgetting all my problems and surrendering myself to the music.

"You're a natural girl, I think I saw one of the guys you hit fall on his ass!" Valentina laughed as she wiped beads of sweat off the bridge of her nose. Her eyes crinkled as she fanned herself.

"Are you serious?! You kicked major ass!" I gushed, trying my hardest not to fidget and try to fix my hair too much.

Valentina patted some guys on their shoulders and led me to the parking lot where the buses were.

I have to admit, when I walked with her, I felt a very strong sense of confidence in myself. I loved it at the same time, I could only fear that it would all be gone in a matter of time.

"Hey so get showered and we'll go out and have a drink with the guys?" she instructed with a happy but tired smile.

"I would love to but I'm not twenty-one." I placed a hand over my body and held on to the opposite arm.

Her face fell slightly, "We can bring the drinks back here and get trashed!"

I laughed but didn't want to be the cause of a change of plans.

"Don't worry about it, I'm pretty tired. I think I'll just shower then knock out. Tell my brother I love him, ok?" I gave her a sweaty hug and proceeded to the correct bus I was now forced to be on.

I knew loads of young women and girls who would love to be in my position. I got to share a bus with five men they adored and in some cases worshipped.

I ,however, couldn't help but feel trapped in that bus. My family was somewhere else and I was stuck with 5 men I barely knew. Jimmy was quickly becoming a great friend but Matt was always stressing about something, Johnny was always either sleeping or drinking and Zack was always roaming around exploring.

Syn on the other hand, he was one I couldn't even understand. There were times he would stare at me like I was a bug that needed to be killed quickly. Then there were times when he couldn't take his eyes off me. I hated to sound full of myself but that was the only way I could describe it.

All together, this trip which was of course exciting, had turned into some big soap opera. I would never have guessed that musicians have so much baggage.

---------------

That night, I had kept to myself in my little cubby bunk. Call it hormones or whatever but all I wanted to do was be alone and just nap or do something that involved not interacting with people.

I was minding my business, browsing on some social networking site on my phone when I heard the gentle strumming of a guitar.

The clock said it was a little passed two in the morning.

"Who's awake?" I whispered to myself, the guys all turned in early this night. Well, early for them.

The strumming went on, nothing really in particular that I could recognize, just mindless playing.

I peeked out of the curtain but couldn't see anyone. Of course I was also in the middle of a corridor but still.

Curiosity got the better of me. I quietly made me way out of my bed and tiptoed to the sound of the guitar.

What I saw almost broke my heart.

The badass I've learned to call Synyster Gates looked so sad and lonely as he strummed, lost in his memories.

He snapped out of whatever he was thinking in a hurry and wiped at his eyes.

"You fucking scared me." he said, his voice thick as it wasn't in use.

I was going to back away and leave but I found some courage. I wouldn't run tonight, I would talk to him, this bizarre double man.

"Sorry, I heard you playing and decided to come see." instead of standing awkwardly like I was by the windows, I made my way to sit next to him.

The bus jostled slightly, making me walk funny.

"Can't you even walk normally?" Syn sighed, more annoyed than was necessary.

I felt myself start to turn red. I swallowed and looked anywhere but at him. What was his problem?! All I did was sit down next to him.

"Sorry that was fucked up." He chastised himself, setting the guitar down and adjusting himself so he could sit down and still face me.

"I guess we don't really know how to talk to each other." he murmured, just the right amount of pink on his cheeks to show he was apologetic.

It was more than awkward as we swayed with the moving bus, some snores were heard in the small distance. It was most likely Johnny, I'd learned he was totally one for sleep.

I opened my mouth to say something at the same time he did as well. We laughed and tried to get the other to start the conversation.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not even sure what to call you." I admitted, tucking some hair behind my ear, wanting nothing more than to perfect my appearance.

He smiled ruefully, scratching at his colorful arm.

"Brian. You can call me Brian." he answered after a long moment.

I wondered what it was about his pseudonym that he felt he had to hide behind it. I realized I did the same thing with my appearance. We all had something to hide, I was only starting to see this.

"What are you doing up?" I finally asked, many questions swirled in my mind but this was one the easiest to answer.

Brian took a deep breath and stretched his arms toward the ceiling, his shirt lifted and I saw a small hint of a "V" on his lower torso. My eyebrows raised accordingly but I tried to focus on him.

"Um, not to sure. I had too much to think about I guess." he cracked his knuckles then picked something out of his eye.

He was such a fidgety person I couldn't believe it.

"Want to talk about it?" I offered, my helpful nature taking over.

If you didn't know what I had just asked him, you'd think I asked to see where he hid the corpses of his victims. His eyes widened as he turned pale.

"No! Nothing to talk about!" Brian stood and attempted to walk away but we hit a bump. The turbulence caused him to stumble and he looked comical as he tried to storm off.

I couldn't stop the giggles coming out, he looked so childish!

Clutching my sides, I fell over on the couch laughing, not even sure why I was laughing so hysterically.

Brian stopped in his tracks to turn back to glare at me. His glare was short lived, he knew he looked foolish.

He too chuckled despite himself.

Brian laughed so hard he sank to his knees and crawled over to where I was laying on the couch, still letting some stray giggles loose.

He sat on the floor next to my head, his laughter suddenly gone as he stared at me. It wasn't an angry stare for once, it was full of curiosity. I realized I must have been looking at him the same way.

"I needed that." Brian murmured, his breath on my face, smoky but not unpleasant. I could also smell the faint aroma of his shampoo. I giggled again, earning his smile.

"What?" his eyes were the lightest I had ever seen them. Happiness suited him well.

"Your shampoo smells good. Fruity."

As soon as I said it I cracked a smile, I wondered if all this sexual tension was what was making me giddy. My body shivered in anticipation.

I wasn't even sure what I was waiting for.

Nibbling on my bottom lip, I studied his expression. It was thoughtful, his eyes, the color of warm cocoa, were at once comforting. I smiled wondering how many others stared into these eyes from under him. How many girls had the pleasure of seeing those eyes when they closed theirs for a kiss?

"Lexie?"

My heart fluttered in my chest, the way he even said my name was electric. How could I have not foreseen that he had some kind of feelings for me? I must be such an idiot!

"Yes?" I whispered, inching myself to him ever so slightly, getting ready for a kiss…my first kiss. My eyes were already half closed in anticipation.

"It's late. I - I'm going to turn in. Maybe we can talk another time." Brian's voice took on a colder tone. Not the one I was used to, but it seemed to be in his control now. He got up hastily, walked away and that was it.

I was left on the couch with no giggles, no resolution and sure as hell, no kiss.