What is This Feeling?

It seemed to take forever for Gerard to return. Mikey and Ray sat in strange silence, every so often sighing or changing positions. Sometimes they would whisper things to each other but they were talking to low for me to hear. I sat still, my eyes glued to the door. How could Gerard be such an ass? Would it kill him to be somewhat decent towards me? Even the mentioning of my name causes him to leave mad. I don't even know what I did to him! Unlike Frank, Gerard wasn't the most social person. I understand that, but still, with most people he ignores them. However that's not the case for me. Not only does he acknowledge me but he likes to demean me, spit on me, curse me, throw things at me, and every other kind of physical pain you can think of. Too bad he can't fight.

Example.

The time Frank and Gerard thought it would be funny to kidnap me as his 'birthday present'. Funny my ass. As I said before, Frank ended up in the hospital for two weeks. At least he had put up a good fight. It took about ten minutes to really beat him senseless. As for Gerard, well, one kick to the head and he was out cold. Maybe I hurt his masculinity?

Stupid oaf.

My thoughts were interrupted by Gerard's return. All three of us jumped at his sudden appearance.

"What?" He asked acting as if he didn't just cause a scene and run out like the coward he is. Tentatively, Mikey spoke.

"Gee," he paused while Gerard took a seat across from him. "We, Ray and I, are worried about Jamie." Gerard opened his mouth to say something but Mikey cut him off. "Stop. We both know how you feel about her and we don't care. You need to get over things that have happened in the past." Once again he opened his mouth to protest but Mikey continued to talk. "All we want to know is if you know anything about what happened." Both Mikey and Ray stared at Gerard. Squirming under their gazes he complied.

"Well I would know as much as Ray would since we went to pick up Mrs. Iero while you went straight the hospital." He sat in one of the black leather chairs, arms crossed and looking extremely put out.

"Didn't you see anything?" Ray asked.

"Well that's what I'm worried about," Mikey paused lost in thought.

"Spit it out Mikes, I don't have all day," Gerard growled.

"Actually Gee you do. Frank's gonna be here a while and you said yourself that you were staying." Gerard glared.

"Anyway, what I'm worried about is, I saw two ambulances rush to the hospital." He looked at Ray and Gerard and sighed. "Two ambulances mean that two people were hurt. I never saw Jamie leave." He stopped again, letting his words take effect.</p><p> "That means she left in one of the ambulances," Ray whispered.</p><p> "So what? I bet she got a little cut and made a big deal out of it." Gerard's nonchalance seemed to evoke an anger in both Ray and Mikey.

"How could you be such a dick?" Ray screamed. "For all you know she could be lying in a hospital bed breathing her last breaths." He stood and began to advance on Gerard who had shrunk back into his chair watching Ray with wide eyes.

"Ray. Sit down. Gerard, shut up." Mikey's voice was firm. Ray, who stood not five feet from Gerard's quivering figure, suddenly realized what he was doing. Ashamed he walked back to his chair and sat mumbling 'sorry'. "Don't apologize Ray. He'd deserve being hit."

"Gerard, you don't understand how important this is." Mikey turned once again toward Gerard. "I heard gunshots." His words hung in the air and finally took his desired reaction in Gerard.

"W-what do you mean you heard gunshots?" Gerard's voice shook.

"I meant that I heard gunshots. Now will you shut up and let me finish?" Gerard nodded and Mikey continued. "Well I got to the alleyway just before the ambulances came. I had run the entire way there from where you guys stopped the car so I had to use my inhaler. That was when I heard gunshots and a guy screaming. It wasn't Frank, Gerard don't worry." Mikey subdued Gerard's evident panic.

"It was so dark. I-I couldn't see very well. I just remembered hearing gunshots and then panicking. I ran." He stopped, thinking over his next few words. "When the police and the ambulances came it was easier to see." He stopped again. "I-I saw...she was...ugh" He ran his hand through his hair.

"Its okay Mikey." Gerard reached his hand out to pat his shoulder.

"NO! NO ITS NOT!" Mikey stood and hit Gerard's hand away from him. "I saw Jamie lying in the middle of the street! He shot her!" Mikey was in hysterics by this point.

Ray and Gerard stared at Mikey wide eyed. Mikey collapsed back down onto the couch, his head in his hands. Gerard and Ray, who had stood earlier, looked at each other, helpless to Mikey's pain.

They think I'm dead? Enough was enough.

I sat forward on the couch and, after making sure my hood still covered most of my face, spoke.

"Mikey," I dared to look up to see the three looking over at me in alarm. "I'm fine. I wasn't the one who was shot." My voice was raspy since I hadn't spoken in so long. I was surprised that they could even hear me let alone understand what I was saying. I looked up again to see three different reactions. Gerard's was a mixture between shock and anger, his eyes were burning into my own. Mikey's face was some shock but mostly relief where as Ray's was just pure happiness.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" Ray screamed while running towards me and engulfing me in a hug. He twirled me around causing me to wince in pain. Immediately he let go and held me at arms length. "Are you okay?" His eyes boar into my own.

"Yeah. I'm..." What exactly could I say? I was almost killed by an underground drug dealer who is/was involved with Frank. I didn't really think that that would be the best thing to say. So, I settled for, "fine." I smiled wearily at him, hoping he wouldn't realize just how much pain I was in. The painkillers that I had been given earlier had completely worn off causing searing pains to shot up and down my arm, head, back and leg. Not to mention how dizzy I was becoming.

Maybe standing up wasn't that great of an idea.

Clutching at my head, I stumbled towards the couch that was closest to me. It was the couch where Mikey and Gerard were sitting staring, or Gerard's case glaring, at me. Ray guided me over to the couch, for which I was extremely thankful, and sat me down next to Mikey. However, Gerard, as I approached had moved to the chair on the opposite side of the glass table that now separated us.

Glancing back at the clock I sighed again. This time in relief. Five more minutes Another awkward silence dawned on us until another burning sensation traveled up my arm. I winced.

"Are you sure you're alright." This time Mikey spoke. Gently he placed his hand on my right arm, right where the bandage was. I let out a small cry and pulled my arm into my chest. I have no idea what he did but the burning in my arm was becoming almost unbearable. Breathing heavily I tried to regain some composure. I hung my head, hiding the tears that were beginning to form.
Both Ray and Mikey went into panic mode, which, if I hadn't been in so much pain, would have been funny.

" Do you need a nurse?" I shook my head. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe she needs some water?" I shook my head again but Ray ignored this. As he stood from the couch I pulled him back with my left arm. Head still down I said,

"Ray I'm fine. Really. Its just a little pain." I brought my head up to look at him and gave a half smile. He returned it.

"Oh please guys. Your not honestly buying this?!" Gerard looked at Mikey and Ray in utter disbelief.

"Buying what Gerard?" Mikey's voice was dangerously low as he glowered at Gerard.

"She's not hurt. She's just faking to get attention." He breathing became heavy as he continued. "Besides, Frank is the one we should really be worried about. He's the one laying in a hospital for fucks sakes. NOT HER!"

The next minute or so felt like hours. Gerard's hot stare on my face was causing me to shake in both anger and fear. How dare he! I am notattention seeking in the slightest and even if I was, I wouldn't be seeking attention from them. Although he's got a point. Frank is the one laying in the hospital bed. They should be paying attention to him not me. Besides, his injuries are far worse than mine.

"Gerard, that was out of line" Mikey growled.

"No Mikey he's right." My comment made everyone's heads snap toward me. "No really. Gerard has a point. No offenses to you or anything but we've never been on the best of terms. So why pay more attention to me when my injuries are far less severe than Frank's?" I began to stand and walk over towards the couch that I had been sitting on recently. I bent down to pick up my bag and after fighting the dizziness walked back towards the group.

"Gerard, even though you think I'm attention seeking, I'm not. Frank wasn't the only one who got beat up badly." After saying this, I pulled back my hood, showing my face. Audible gasps could be heard from all three of them. I know that my face looked awful and I could tell that it made an effect on them all. Even Gerard. After I thought my cuts, bruises, scabs and the small bandage on my head proved my point I pulled it back over my face and began to walk out the door. However before I could reach the door a hand pulled me back.

I turned to see Gerard's face, void of any emotion, very close to my own.

"This doesn't change anything." He murmured. I shook his arm off of me before replying,

"I know."