What is This Feeling?

I began to panic. What should I do? Should I run? No. I couldn't leave Frank even if he was the biggest jerk on the face of the planet. But what was I supposed to do?

Call the cops.

I smacked my forehead for being so dumb. Quickly, I picked up my bag and searched through my purse. I let out a breath of relief once I found it. However that feeling soon left as my phone died on me. I stared in horror as my last hope failed me. I considered looking for the Iero's phone but I was too scared to move. Another loud bang came from downstairs followed by a groan. I was still frozen to my seat.

Finally I got up. I couldn't leave Frank. Quietly I snuck into the kitchen looking for the basement door. Before I could find though, two figures came up the steps. Panicked I ran and hid beneath the island in the middle of the Iero's kitchen. Fear gripped at my throat making it hard to breath. My face felt hot, I started sweating. My heart pounded in my ears. I looked around for something that could help me. I was in a kitchen for crying out loud! There has to be something in here to help me.

Glancing around I saw pots and pans of all sorts but finally my eyes landed on what I wanted. Mrs. Iero's kitchen knives. I smirked before crawling towards them. The one figure from what I could see had a limp and was walking through the kitchen. Opposite him was another figure on the ground. Upon further inspection, I saw that the figure on the ground was none other than Frank. I held in a cry as I saw his limbs twisted in all different directions. I looked back over towards the other figure to see Julian glaring out the window opposite me. Quickly I sat back down, my back to him, and leaned my head against the island. Numerous curse words rang through my head repeatedly as I assessed my situation. I could run and leave Frank. I could wait for Julian to leave, or I could stay and fight. I was being pulled in all different directions. My selfish attitude wanted me to run and leave Frank.

He's never helped you. So why should you help him

My mind kept repeating this over and over again. On the other hand my timid self wanted to curl up in a ball and hide; hoping that he would just leave. However, every other emotion was telling me to stay and fight. I was utterly pissed from out last encounter and how it had affected me. I intended to end it here.

Swiftly I stood, grabbing one of the knives before falling back down to the ground. I waited until Julian walked by me, his limp and cane making his footsteps sound odd. Soon he turned the corner, where I was. Alarmed he stepped back, but I was too quick for him. I plunged the knife into his leg and pulling it out I shoved it into the back of his neck. Blood squirted out of his wounds and onto the floor. It was splattered across my face, but I didn't care. As Julian fell dead to the ground I felt an enormous pressure lift off my chest. I could breath easier. I stared down at his lifeless form. His cold blue eyes held my brown as I breathed heavily.

I don't know how long I stood there but finally I remembered Frank. Spinning quickly on my heel I turned to see Frank's figure gone. I felt panic wash over me once more. Where was he? I began to walk forward when a small 'click' made me stop. I shut my eyes and turned, realizing too late my mistake.

There Frank stood, gun in hand, pointed in my direction. A small smile hung at his mouth, but his eyes were dead. I stared in shock and contempt. I felt betrayal. It stabbed me through the chest making me feel as if I were drowning.

We stood staring for the longest time before I broke the silence.

"Why?" I asked. My voice was strong, lacking fear. In my heart I knew that Frank would kill me but I had to know why. His smile only grew bigger lighting up his once dead eyes. My right hand reached for the knife on the island and grasped it. He saw my movement but made no attempt to stop me.

"Good bye Jamie," he said before pulling the trigger.

~.~.~.~

I awoke with a start.

I've had the same dream since the 'event', although sometimes I throw the knife back at Frank hitting him in the stomach. However three things stay the same. I kill Julian, Frank betrays me and then he kills me. I've woken up countless times expecting to see the gunshot wound in my stomach. The blood pouring out of my stomach seeping through my shirt, making it stick to my stomach. I excepted to see the blood on my shaking hands, I could feel it in my dream. I could feel it traveling up my throat, cutting off my air supply. The only thing that I didn't feel was the pain from the gunshot. For that I was very grateful. There are sometimes I don't wake up as he pulls the trigger. Sometimes I'm afraid that I won't wake up.

After these dreams had kept me up, I researched dreams. In more than one book, I've found that if you are killed in your dreams you're supposed to die in real life. Well I've watched the blood pour out of my stomach and onto the floor at Franks feet and I breathed my last breath at least eight times. So someone please tell what that's supposed to mean. I've considered going to a psychologist but decided against it. I didn't want my mom to worry.

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair. I tried to focus on my math assignment but my dream made it impossible to concentrate.

"Damn it," I cursed. Deciding that I needed some fresh air I walked to the front door and onto the Iero's porch. It was dusk. The sun's last rays were brushing across the sky touching random objects. Gazing at the sky, I saw its pink, blue and orange colors dusted with small specs. I leaned onto the wooden railing beneath me, picking out the constellations. A soft breeze blew through my hair, brining with it the sweet smells of fresh cut grass and the fragrances of flowers. I inhaled it slowly, enjoying its calming effect.

I watched as the sun set. A sight that I've grown to love. As the sun left, the moon came, taking its rightful place in the sky to reflect the sun's light. I've often wondered if the moon were real, would it feel second best to the sun? After all it doesn't produce light, only reflects it. Although I've always found the moonlight much more beautiful than the sun's light. It grazes your skin like milk, cool and refreshing. The sun is hot and burns, making you uncomfortable. But the moon is different. Its quiet and beautiful. Its mystery is magical. No wonder the Greeks worshiped the moon.

I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard my phone ring. Rushing back into the house I answered it, talking quietly as to not wake Frank.

"Hello," I answered.

"JAMIE!" a voice screamed at me. I narrowed my eyebrows before checking the caller ID. It was Lea and from the sounds in the back round it seemed she was at a party.

"Lea? I questioned.

"Yeah," she replied. "How are you?"

"I'm good," I lied. "You?"

"I'm fantastic thank you very much!" I laughed at her sarcasm." I just wanted to thank you for covering for me. I don't know what I would have done with out you."

"Anytime Lea," I smiled.

"Thanks. Well I got to go. I can barely hear you and I know you're probably doing homework since you never come to parties with me!" she stated. I laughed,

"You know I don't like Chris's parties. They're boring. But I'll go with you to the next one. Okay?"

She sighed, "Well alright. But you could at least where something besides jeans and a t-shirt to one of them."

"Good bye Lea," I said with a smile.

I hung up the phone before she could answer, laughing at her childish behavior. My throat was dry so I decided to get some water. As I pulled out a bottle of water from the refrigerator, I looked at pictures of Frank and his mom. There was one with a younger looking Frank and his mom eating vanilla ice cream. Frank's was smeared all over his chin and nose but he didn't seem to care. One in particular caught my eye. It was Frank and his dad on the living room couch, fast asleep. I resisted the urge to coo at its cuteness. They looked peaceful, something that I wish I felt.

Sighing I walked into the living room once again and began my math lesson. Within minutes, I was finished and completely bored. It was then I realized that I had no idea when Mrs. Iero would be back. I sighed again. I can't believe I agreed to do this.

At least I haven't seen Frank yet.

The next few hours consisted of me channel surfing and talking with Siena. We watched a muted America's Next Top Model marathon and commented on most of them. It was funny but I was worried that I had woken Frank up by the amount of noise that I had made. By eleven, Mrs. Iero still hadn't returned.

"I don't know if I should stay up and wait for her or just crash here," I said while yawning.

"If I were you, I would just stay. I'd be too lazy to walk back over." She yawned to.

I laughed, "I guess I'll stay then."

"Sounds good to me," she replied. "Hey Jame, I'm real tired. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, gnite."

"Gnite and good luck."

"Ha thanks. I'll need it," I stated.

"Bye."

I heard a click signaling that she had hung up. After I placed the phone down on the table next to me, I grabbed my red sweater and put it on. It hung off of me making it look like a dress instead of a sweater. I walked into the kitchen where I pulled out another bottle of water. After taking the painkillers I had been prescribed, I walked into the living room. Once there, I gathered up my things and placed them on the floor beside the couch, after which I turned off the lights and TV. Placing my ear buds into my ears, I relaxed into the music.

I drifted to sleep, hoping to avoid my dreams but my hopes were in vain. Again I was betrayed by Frank and again I experienced my own death.