What is This Feeling?

Sighing, I set the phone down. I hated the hospital enough as it is, now I had just finished making an appointment to see Dr. Winters. It was early Monday morning too. Hopefully, it will be worth getting up if he can tell me what is wrong with me.

It was late Saturday evening and I had nothing to do. After I had left Frank's house, I had done a few chores, cleaning the kitchen and mowing the lawn being the largest. Once done, I had made Holly and myself some lunch and finished my homework. After which, I had decided that I needed a shower.

Now, I was sitting on my front porch, watching the cars drive by. In other words, I was bored out of my mind. There had been thirteen in total, one green, six black, three red, two gold, and one white. Two of the red had been pick up trucks and one of the black and the white had been vans. The wind blew hot air over my face, bare arms and neck. I sighed again. I was restless. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my phone to check the time.

2:01

I brushed the curls out of my face as the wind blew again. It gave me an idea.

Walking towards the bathroom, I turned on my straightener and placed it onto the porcelain sink. I sat on the matching bathtub and turned on the small radio on top of the white windowpane. The window above my head was open, letting in the scents of summer. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall. Warm air blew over me, helping me to relax. Inhaling deeply I could smell cut grass, dirt, trees and what seemed like a barbeque. I sighed, allowing the peaceful atmosphere to lull me into a state of contentment.

What seemed like seconds later I could smell my straightener. I glanced at the clock radio and saw that it read 2:23. Quickly I stood, fighting the oncoming head rushes and raced towards the sink. I sighed in relief when I realized that nothing had been burnt. I nodded my head and sang along with the radio as I straightened my hair. The process itself, while it usually only takes me ten to fifteen minuets, took almost an hour. Partially, because I had to sit and since I couldn't see what I was doing it made the entire task much more difficult. Moreover, the fact that I was using my left hand didn't make it easier. Needless to say, I had burnt my head quite a few times.

After I unplugged it, I left it to cool and turned off the radio I began to walk towards my room for a change of clothes. The ones that I had on smelled like sweat, dirt, grass and cleaners, not necessarily the smell that I was going for. Upon entering, I saw Holly lying on my bed amongst the cushions. At first glance, she appeared like one of them. She rolled over onto her back when she saw me and began to wag her tail. I laughed. Sitting down on the bed next to her, I began to rub her belly. I looked around my room. The floor was cluttered with many different things, mainly dirty clothes. The lavender walls were scattered with pictures, posters and drawings. In the corner near my bed was a large dresser, on which sat a small TV, DVD player and stereo. White icicle lights hung from the ceiling, lining the border of the room and window. I leaned back against the wall, placing Holly on my lap. I gazed at the pictures reliving the happy memories in them. A few were of my mom and me. However, a vast majority were of Siena, Lea and me.

The most recent pictures that I had up of the three of us had been from my 15 birthday party. Siena had come up for the weekend as my gift, along with many books, soaps and hats. There were many pictures of Siena and I but my favorite from that day had to be of the three of us. We were standing in my backyard Siena on my right and Lea on my left. The sun's rays shined on us, lighting up our faces. It was one of the happiest days of my life, not because of some magical event or some random occurrence but because they were there with me. Of course, I still had Lea but with her work, school and brother we don't see each other that often. Then Siena lives in a different fucking state. Although we talk a lot on the phone, which is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going.

I looked over to Holly to see her asleep. So, as quietly as I could, I moved her off my lap and onto my green comforter. I stood and grabbed a clean pair of washed out blue jeans and tight red t-shirt. I slipped them on and put my phone in my back pocket. Looking in the mirror, I used cover up to get rid of the bags under my eyes and began to look for my eyeliner. Once found, I applied some dark brown eyeliner to my top lid and some clear lip-gloss; making sure to blot my lips to get rid of the shine. Taking a hair band off the table, I pulled my hair into a loose bun at the nape of my neck. I stepped back and observed my appearance. I smiled in approval. Taking some random perfume, I spritzed myself with it. It smelled of vanilla and nutmeg.

"Hey Hol," I whispered. She looked up. "Go get you leash!" Quickly, she jumped off the bed and dashed out of the room. Laughing, I placed my black and white flip-flops on and hurried after her. As I reached the front door, I saw her scratching at the table where her leash was. After I picked up my keys, I took the leash and slipped it over her head. Holly darted ahead of me, barely giving me enough time to lock the front door. Down the path she raced, dragging me with her.

The heat and humidity from the afternoon were thankfully subsiding, leaving a fairly nice day. Holly was happily trotting along our usual route, sniffing everything she could. Because of this, she made a ten minute walk almost twenty minutes. She smelled every rock, tree, poll and piece of garbage that she could find. Sometimes she even went as far as to eat a pinecone! It was rather amusing actually.

We were almost halfway through our walk when a bus pulled to a stop up a head. Two figures stepped off carrying what seemed to be a heavy load. As I got closer, I realized that the two figures were none other than Gerard and Mikey. They were both carrying grocery bags but Gerard had the largest bag. It was propped up on his shoulders and seemed to be weighing him down. Deciding to avoid them, I began to turn down the street to my left. However, Holly had other plans.

She struggled in my grasp and pulled against the leash. Finally, I relented. I'll just say a quick hello and be on my way. Swiftly I began walking towards them.

"Just a quick hello," I muttered to myself, although, once again, Holly had other things in mind. Straining against the leash, she dragged me towards Gerard and Mikey while barking like mad. Mikey looked up in shock as Gerard turned, dropping his bending down as Holly jumped into his open arms. I was always funny to me to see the so called "vampire" making goofy faces at a small ball of fluff.

You see, about two years ago I needed someone to watch Holly for a week. I was going on a business trip with my mother and our dog sitter canceled at the last minute. Desperate for a sitter I asked Lea. Unfortunately, Ryan her brother was allergic to dogs leaving me with no one to take care of Holly. The day before I was supposed to leave, I had been talking to myself. Apparently, Mikey had overheard the entire conversations with myself and offered to dog sit. At first I was opposed but it was Mikey. I had always felt somewhat closer towards him then the others. Later I had agreed, only after Mikey told me that Gerard was spending a few days with his sick grandmother. At the point, I had been sold.

It wasn't until after I got back that I had found out that Gerard had returned home earlier. At first, I was livid with Mikey for leaving my baby alone with Gerard but when I came it, I was met with one of the strangest sights ever. If it weren't for the picture in my room, I still would think that it was some weird dream. I had stormed into the Way house, prepared to beat the living shit out of Gerard but what I saw was Gerard fast asleep on the couch; Holly spread over his head and neck. Apparently, the two had bonded. It was peculiar considering that Gerard wasn't a dog person. However, I let it go seeing, as I didn't have to pay him to watch her.

I bent down to pick up the bag that Gerard had held on his shoulder and let me tell you it was heavy! I looked at it to see that it was a bag of charcoal. Oh. Gerard stood, Holly in his arms, leaving the three of us in an awkward silence.

"So," Mikey said his eyes going everywhere. "Why are you out?"

"Taking Holly for a walk," I responded. He nodded his attempt to make conversation ruined. I looked around and scuffed my shoe on the warm cement. "Well I should go," I said. Mikey nodded his head in defeat. I placed the bag of charcoal down, hearing Mikey have a sharp intake for breath. I glanced up to see his face lit up. Oh no. Gerard seemed to voice my thought,

"No." Mikey glanced at Gerard. He began to question him but Gerard cut him off. "Whatever you're thinking the answer is no."

"But Ge-" he protested.

"No."

"Gerard shut up, will you!" Mikey screamed. Holly and I both jumped. Mikey didn't yell. I assumed that they had gotten into a fight before. The two had a glaring match whilst I stood, shifting my weight from foot to foot. If it weren't for the fact that Gerard had Holly, I would have walked away by now. But alas, Holly was still safely tucked in Gerard's embrace. I bit my lip. I really hated awkward silences. Gerard sighed and Mikey turned towards me.

"Hey Jame," Mikey said. "Our mom and dad are having a small barbeque. Wanna come?"

Uh...what?

"Excuse me?"

"Do you want to come to a barbeque at my house?" He said again. I looked between him and Gerard.

"Uh...well...umm," I stuttered. "I don't think that would be the best idea Mikey" I trailed off. Mikey's face looked crest fallen. Immediately I felt bad. I can't believe I'm doing this. I took a deep breath. "What time?"

~.~.~.~

"Jamie!" I winced as I was tackled in a hug.

"Ray!" I said mimicking his energy.

"I didn't think that you would come," he said shaking his head.

"I couldn't pass up free food, now could I?"

He laughed and began to drag me around the house and into the backyard. The Way's house and backyard weren't the most spectacular thing that you would see but it was cozy and charming; a far cry from the actual state of New Jersey. Apparently the Way's had invited more than a 'few' people, like Mikey said. There were at least three other families there besides the Toros, the Ways and the Ieros. There were little kids running rampant, screaming and laughing as they chased each other. Four long picnic tables of food were on the beaten up deck, along with coolers, chairs, and the grill.

An old volleyball net hung in the yard, parts of the net itself were missing but that didn't stop the little kids from hitting a small beach ball back and forth. I smiled at the scene.

"Cute aren't they?"

I turned to see the owner of the voice.

"Andy!" I yelled a smile lighting up my face. He grinned in return. "How are you?" I asked.

"I'm fine. And yourself?" he asked. "How's your head and the arm?

"Eh, I've been better but I'll live," I said. He nodded. I studied his appearance. It was odd seeing him in a t-shirt and jeans, the Andy that I had in my head wore a nurse's outfit. He handed me a red cup that I accepted. After taking drink, I remembered Ray. He was still standing there, patient as ever.

He is so sweet

"Ray this is Andy," I said gesturing with my hands. "Andy this is Ray." Both said their 'hellos ' and shook hands. Ray then excused himself, leaving Andy and me alone. "How do you know these guys?" I asked, taking a sip of my drink, which I had identified as Coke.

"I've worked with Linda a few times in the past," he explained. "So when she worked late Friday we talked and here I am." He smiled. "That and once Linda found out that I was your knight in shining armor," I nearly choked on my drink when he said that. "She insisted that I come." I laughed at his haughty expression.

"You can't be serious?" I said while looking at him as if he had grown two heads.

"As serious as a heart attack," he smirked.

"Well its a good thing I know CPR then," I smirked over the cup. "Isn't it?" Okay, so I was flirting, but what's wrong with that? It's perfectly healthy. Besides, it might do me some good. Leaning closer to me, he whispered,

"Yeah, it is," he said. I backed away somewhat, uncomfortable with his sudden closeness. He seemed to notice because he backed off immediately. "Sorry," he mumbled.

I smiled at him and caught his eyes. "Its fine," I reassured him. He smiled back and eased up.

"You have a beautiful smile," he complemented. I felt warmth come over my cheeks. I shook my head a little. Suddenly a sharp pain traveled up my leg making me wince slightly. Andy seemed to notice.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I nodded trying to reassure him that I was fine. He didn't look convinced.

"Andy I'm fine. My leg just hur-" I cut off my own sentence but letting out a shriek of pain. I grabbed onto the wooden railing beside me as the pain traveled through my entire body. Another sharp pain shot through my leg. I winced as tears came to my eyes. Andy dropped his cup and rushed towards me.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "What's hurts?" he put his hand on my shoulder and the other on my waist. I limped as he led me to a chair.

"Andy I'm fine," I said while brushing away his hands. "Stop over reacting. My ankle just hurts." He didn't seem convinced. However, he accepted my answer. We spent the rest of the night talking and eating. At one point, we partook in a small food fight with the littler kids. Although, all good things come to an end, they say and it was soon time for Andy to leave.

"So I'll call you later?" he asked. He seemed nervous which made me smile.

"Yeah," I replied.

We then stood in another silence. However, it was comfortable instead of awkward. A warm breeze swept over us, ruffling my hair. Reaching his hand towards my face, he brushed the hair that was covering my eyes out of my face. After tucking the strands behind my ear his hand lingered at my cheek. His hand was rough and warm. His thumb began to move slowly over my cut. He gazed at it with sorrow and remorse, as if he felt guilty. Quickly, he shook his head and stepped away from me, bowing his head. I tilted my head to the side.

"What's wro-?"

"Nothing," he smiled at me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched you," he said while looking away. I sighed and stepped forward, taking his hand in my own.

"Chill out Andy," I said smiling. "All you did was touch my cheek, not kiss me." I laughed at my pathetic joke. Andy looked up at me; his grey eyes seemed to swallow me.

"W-would you," he cleared his throat. "Would you mind if I did?" He was so close to me I could feel his breath on my face. His question caught me off guard. Would I mind? I didn't know him really and I didn't want to seem easy. It's just a kiss on the cheek Despite my internal conflict my body responded.

"No. I wouldn't mind," I answered softly. His eyes lit up as he smiled. Slowly, he leaned forward until his rough lips touched my cheek. Chills ran down my spine as goose bumps ran over my skin. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment. All too soon, his lips left my cheek. His breathing tickled my ear and neck while he stood close to me.

"I should go," he said.

"Yes, you should."

"But I don't want to," he said.

"Neither do I." I sighed. "But you have to. I don't want to get you into any trouble." He laughed.

"Bye," he whispered.

"Bye."

Neither of us moved. We stood, our noses barley touching, staring at each other. Andy's eyes kept traveling down to my lips. It made me nervous and excited at the same time. Suddenly my phone began to ring, making the two of us jump. Perfect moment ruined I apologized before picking it up.

"Hello?" I asked. No response. "Hello," I said again, this time I was somewhat irritated. No response. I looked down at the screen to see that the person had hung up. I sighed. I did a double take at the number. Why did the Way's call me? I looked back towards their house just in time to see someone's head darting out of the window. Rolling my eyes, I turned towards Andy. We both smiled.

"G'bye Jamie," He said, smiling.

"Bye Andy."

I watched as he walked off into the distance before he turned to corner and was out of sight. I stood for a second; reliving the past few moments before remembering what ruined it all. Angrily I stomped back into the house to find Mikey, Ray, Gerard, Frank and Holly sitting in the living. All of them were attempting to look nonchalant. Even my dog. Wow that's sad. When she saw me though, she began to wag her tail and bark. I smiled at her as she ran towards me. I took one more look at the guys before glaring at them.

I rolled my eyes before walking towards the kitchen where Mrs. Iero was pouring herself a cup of coffee. Holly following happily at me heels. Mrs. Iero looked up at me and smiled as I walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Jame, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I replied opening a small can of Coke. "How are you?" I took a sip as I leaned against the linoleum tabletop.

"I'm fine," she said. "Thank you by the way for watching Frank last night. I didn't know that I would be at the hospital that long."

"It's fine really," I reassured her. "He slept the entire time." She laughed.

"He should since I slipped him sleeping pills," she smirked. I nearly choked on my drink. I began to cough. I turned and placed my hands on the counter.

"You," I coughed. "what?!" I asked. She smirked at me again before saying,

"I knew that he would have never let me leave if he knew that you were coming," I gaped at her. "Yes Jamie," she said. "Do you really think that your mom and I are that dumb that we wouldn't see how much you two dislike each other?" I stared dumbfounded. She couldn't be serious? That means that they knew we only got along to appease them. I looked at her in shock and a newfound awe. "Besides, as much as I love Frank, he whines too much," she said offhandedly. "and he needed to sleep so..." she pretended to put a powder in her drink.

"You are evil," I said in surprise. "But I like it." We smirked before bursting into fits of laughter. Suddenly, Frank and Gerard walked into the kitchen. Frank began to complain about his armpits hurting because of the crutches, causing Linda and me to burst into a new set of laughs.