What is This Feeling?

That night, as the screen door clattered shut behind me, I had walked into a room full of shocked expressions. Mrs. Iero had been the first to approach me,
"Why didn't you tell us dear?" she had asked. I had assumed she was referring to the severity of my role in the attack. Honestly, I had thought that she would have known seeing as she worked in the hospital where Frank and I had been. Apparently, she hadn't.
I wiped away the few stray tears before answering.
"I didn't want the attention."

That night Ray, being the kind soul he is, had given me a ride home. It was a tense ride. I guess I had been rather rude to him so, I wasn't angry with him for his resentment towards me. He had been kind to me even when his new friends told him otherwise. Now I feared that I might lose him. I couldn't bear the thought. However, no matter how many times I had tried to apologize the words wouldn't come. They formed in my mind and began to travel up my throat, but once they reached my tongue they were jumbled and felt like mush. I just couldn't make out the words.

I had cried myself to sleep that night.

The next morning I awoke to the annoying sound of my alarm. Mumbling profanities to myself, I rolled over to make it stop. Once done, I buried myself into the soft blankets, forming a cocoon of safety that I never wanted to leave. Its warmth cradled me yet did nothing to satisfy the awful pit in my stomach. It was a mixture of emotions. I felt an unexplainable guilt that brought tears to my eyes and a smothering fear.

My emotions were swirling around in my head making it ache. Waves of fear and insecurity washed over me, bringing with it chills.

I wrapped the blankets tighter around my shaking form.

I was in an ocean of sensations, emotions, and the waves were getting rough. I struggled to keep my head above the water's surface as the waves of fear crashed around me. I felt as if everything were closing in. My breathing became labored. Tears began to fall from my eyes as I cried out in silence for someone to help me. My only response was a voice inside my head, repeating the same line until it became a rhythmic beat inside my soul.

You're alone.
No one will help you.
You're alone.
You're alone.
You're alone...

Suddenly my phone broke fear's crushing hold on me. I looked to the caller ID to see who my savior was.

It was my mom.

I dressed plainly, not caring about my appearance. After all, who cares what you look like at a doctor's office?

Yawning, I opened the cupboard and pulled out a package of coffee. While it brewed I sat at the kitchen table, head in my hands. I began to doze seeing it was only six in the morning. However, my nap was short-lived as Holly began scratching at my leg, yelping loudly.

I smiled sleepily as I picked her up. She nuzzled my face while wagging her white tale wildly. Laughing, I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before setting her back down on the floor. I then realized that the coffee was done and gratefully poured myself a steaming cup.
I sighed as the calming aroma filled my soul.

Fierce scratching brought me from my little world and I quickly looked towards the door. Holly, the culprit of the scratching, was begging to be let out. Swiftly I walked towards the door and stepped out into the cool morning air.

Holly bounded around our fenced in yard sniffing the air and all along the ground. She jumped slightly as a squirrel bounded across the yard and began to chase it. Only to be stopped by the fence once again. However, instead of barking at the squirrel she began to wag her tail at the figure before her.

"Hey Hol," a light voice spoke. "Hey Jame."

Mrs. Iero gave a soft smile and slight wave that I returned.

"Why are you up so early? Aren't kids supposed to sleep?" She said with an air of humor. I laughed.

"Yes. We are, but I'm probably the only kid who has a doctor's appointment at seven on a Monday morning." She nodded taking a sip of her coffee.

"Well I'm leaving in about twenty minuets if you want a ride." I began to refuse but she continued. "C'mon Jame. Your mom asked me to keep an eye on you and that's exactly what I'll do." She winked at me. "Besides the doctor's is on my way to the hospital."

She turned to go inside but before she reached her door, she turned to me and said, "Be here in fifteen. And don't think that I won't come over there and drag you out."

We both laughed at her feeble attempt to sound threatening. I nodded and she walked back inside.

Turing back towards the yard I saw Holly chewing on a twig. I shook my head before going over and taking the twig and hauling it over the fence. She whined before being distracted by a low flying butterfly. Crouching slightly she began to pounce around attempting to catch the small creature. I shook my head, smiling at her playfulness, and walked back inside, Holly at my heels.

I sat nervously.
The nurse said that the doctor would be here in a few minutes.
Well it's been at least ten and the last time I checked a couple was two, and a few was three or more but less then five. If it were five or ten the person would say five or ten, not a few. I blew a few strays of hair out of my face as I tapped my foot incessantly on the floor. Irritated, I glared at the clock to see that now eleven minutes had gone by.
"Stupid late people," I muttered to myself. "No consideration for other people's time."

Suddenly the door flew open and in came Doctor Winters. He smiled making his salt and peppered colored moustache do an odd movement.

I stifled a giggle.

He began his examination asking me how my personal life was. I lied and said fine. He continued to poke and prod as I asked about his children to get the spotlight off me.
It worked.
The next twenty minutes consisted of him talking about his twelve year old daughter's school play. They were doing the Wizard of Oz and she was the scarecrow. It sounded cute.

Finally, he finished and began speaking in his fast doctor lingo.

"Well everything seems fine to me. The tests came back, and you haven't got any serious damage to the head." He kept mumbling fast, making my head spin in a strangled attempt to comprehend what he was saying.

Finally, he said what I had been waiting to hear.

"As for you dizzy spells, they're normal. However, I've prescribed you a medication to help keep them in check. They should be gone in about a week or two, if not, come see me." I nodded in relief. "And as for the next two weeks avoid all stress that you can. These dizzy spells shouldn't be very dramatic but they can be induced by stress." He continued on about how bad stress is for you but my mind had wandered off.

'as for the next two weeks avoid all stress that you can.'

Avoid stress?

Telling me that is like telling the sun not to rise. How am I supposed to avoid stress with school and its drama, not to mention the crazed psychopath that has decided to target me? Is this man crazy?

Apparently

I sighed. As if, I didn't have enough problems.

I sat patiently as Doctor Winters continued his rather long monologue. After what seemed like a millennia I heard the words I had been waiting for.

"If you don't have anymore questions, you're good to go."

Now I sat at the bus stop, people watching while waiting for my bus. Cars rushed by along with snippets of conversations and loud music. The sidewalks were filled with people rushing to and fro, most likely to eat lunch. The thought made my stomach growl. I shifted in my seat. The tantalizing scent of juicy hamburgers and fries made my mouth water.

"Maybe I could be a few minuets late."

Twenty minuets later, I sat at the same bus stop. However, this time I was happily munching on my own cheeseburger. The tastes exploded into my mouth making me scarf what little I had left. I sighed and leaned my back against the worn wooden bench, contently waiting for my bus.

Once it arrived, I took a seat towards the front and relaxed into the air-conditioned air. Sunlight streamed in through the window warming the side of my face and making me smile. I watched the different people roaming the streets with interest. Children ran wild as their mothers and fathers tried to keep them in check. Elderly couples meandered slowly down the sunlit sidewalk. People were strewn everywhere.

I pulled out my phone, intending to call my mom, when I saw that I had received a text message. I opened it to read:

Jamie, where are you?!
Text me back ASAP!

It was from Lea. I squinted my eyebrows, wondering what was wrong.
Quickly I replied and within five minutes, I received her response.

Its awful! Greg and Josh are trying to kill Frank! Idk why. Everyone's saying something different. Greg and Josh think that Frank tried to rape you…did he? Idk what to think anymore. I'm really worried about Frank though. Its not just Josh and Greg that are pissed. Pretty much the entire senior and junior class is ready to jump him! Get here ASAP so that you can clear this up…

I sat glued to my seat, mouth hung open and eyes wide.
I needed to fix this.

The ten-minute ride to my school seemed to take years. I bounced in my seat and constantly checked my phone for the time.

Finally, my stop came up. I jumped up from my seat and jumped down the steps at record speed.

I ran.

My feet hit heavily on the warm pavement as I ran. Soon the school entrance was in sight.
I sped up my pace. Finally, I reached the doors, flinging them open.

God. I hope I can fix this…