What is This Feeling?

Amazing banner by Kennedy. !

The rest of August came and went with little drama. September followed in the same manner. Slowly but surely, the rumor of my alleged rape disappeared putting me, and I'm sure many others, at ease. After the incident in the boys bathroom, Frank and I have had an odd relationship, although I use the word relationship very loosely. Instead of our normal bickering and angry glares, we had an apathetic indifference towards one another. At first, it had unnerved me, but as the month wore on, I began to accept this new arrangement with open arms. Both our moms had seemed to notice this yet never questioned it. For that, I was extremely grateful.

My friends however, had been a completely different story. Greg and Josh seemed to think that something was going on between Frank and I. The notion itself being so far from the truth almost made me laugh. Leanne although seemed to think of this as "a new frontier of which I could try and mend a burnt bridge." When she had said these words to me, I had spit up what I was drinking and ended up ruining my white top. Let's just say that I was content with how things were with Frank. I wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize that. Besides, I only had to wait two more years and then he would graduate! The thought in itself was extremely appealing.

School, work and my social life all became somewhat mundane and I soon fell into a routine. Thoughts of Julian and the attack began to dwindle to the point where he only made his grand appearance in my dreams. However, as thoughts of Julian began to fade my nightmares increased. As the weeks wore on, I was able to cover up my fatigue. Thankfully, my mom was hardly ever home so she couldn't hear my screams. My dreams, after some time began to differ, but they all ended in the same fatal manner. It was awful. Sometimes I would even go as far as taking cold medicine to sleep through the night, hoping against hope that just this once my sleep would be dreamless.

As the crisp winds of October blew in so came the rumor of a Halloween dance. It was the last Friday of the month and the start of a four-day weekend due to construction on the school. News of the dance spread like wild fire throughout the school. Notions of costumes and partners hung from everyone's lips. Some though, were less than thrilled and the thought of dressing up seeming childish and immature. Greg and Josh were among the few who felt this way.

That is why, during one of my few study halls, I sat pestering them both. They would be going even if I had to drag them kicking and screaming.

"What's so bad about dressing up?" I asked, tapping my pencil on the desk in front of me.

"It's dressing up," Josh attempted to clarify. I stared at him blankly. Apparently, he thought that if he repeated my question it would suddenly turn into an adequate answer. Sometimes I wonder how he managed to make it into his senior year.

"That doesn't answer my question," I said through a laugh. "I know that dressing up is dressing up, hence the term Sherlock." Josh fake glared at me while Greg doodled absently mindedly on the piece of paper in front of him. I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at Josh who pretended to be greatly offended by this gesture.

Dramatically he swept his shoulder length hair over his shoulder and scoffed. Folding his arms across his grey hoodie, he stuck his nose up in my direction and swiveled until his back was facing me.

Suddenly aware of Josh's odd stance, Greg glanced up and pushed his glasses back up onto his face. His eyes wandered from Josh's figure to my slightly humored face before shaking his head and going back to his doodle. Actually now that I looked closer, I saw that it was an intricate portrait of a small girl gazing out a very large window. The girl looked oddly familiar until Greg glanced at something behind me. Turning, I smirked.

"You should ask her out," I said nonchalantly as I went back to my algebra homework. Greg looked shocked and quickly covered his drawing just as Josh turned back to us.

"Ask who out?" he asked.

"Christine," I said without looking up from my page. I bit my lip trying to remember what we had learned earlier today. Josh began to fuss at Greg who blushed deeply which was odd. Greg's dark skin made it almost impossible to tell when he was actually blushing.

He must really like her.

Christine was a sweet girl. She had a tiny frame, almost doll like. She wasn't gorgeous but she wasn't plain. Her shy personality made her the adorable girl that she was. I smirked as an idea came to me.

"Why don't you ask her to the Halloween dance?" I suggested. Greg's eyes widened and he shook his head fervently. I opened my mouth to speak but Josh cut me off.

"Because we aren't going. Dressing up is gay and stupid and retarded and gay and-" he started to list things but I interrupted.

"Dressing up is not gay, speaking of which you said gay twice," I smirked as he glared and Greg snorted. Josh shoved him and Greg held up his hands and shook his head before turning to me.

"I can't ask her out James," He said quietly as he glanced at Christine. I rolled my eyes.

"Of course you can."

"I don't even know her!" he said slightly louder, gaining inquisitive looks from a few people near by, Christine being one of them. Embarrassed, Greg lowered his head onto the table while muttering numerous curses.

"Greg," I said softly. He grumbled in response. I sighed as turned to look at Josh who had decided to stick and eraser in his ear. I held back a snort as he panicked because he couldn't get it out. He then proceeded to smack his head, as if he were trying to rid his ear of water. Shaking my head I turned back to Greg's humiliated form.

"Greg, do you like her?" I asked. He nodded.

"If you could, would you want to ask her out?" He nodded again, still keeping his head down.

"Good," I said as I put my plan into motion. Nudging Greg slightly, I pushed him into a sitting position. I smiled at him and he returned half-heartedly.
I
glanced down at my homework and sighed overdramatically, earning a few glances. After a while of glaring at the problem in front of me, I sighed again, throwing my pencil onto the table in front of me.

"I just can't get this!" I said exasperatedly. Running a hand through my hair, I glanced around the room. My eyes landed on Christine who was sitting a few seats over.

"Christine!" I said, trying to get her attention. Her head snapped towards me and she raised an eyebrow. "Could you come over here and help me with this math problem?" I asked innocently.

She nodded and turned to gather her things. I did a mental victory dance as she stood to walk over. Turning back in my seat, I saw Greg looking scared and Josh looking confused.

"What the hell Jamie?" he asked while taking my paper. "You know how to do these-" I kicked him under the table and he let out an anguished cry.

I gave him a look and he suddenly understood what I was doing. Snatching the paper back from him, I turned to face
Christine who had now approached the table. She smiled timidly at me while she moved her short ebony hair out of her face. I smiled back.

"Thanks for coming over," I said.

"No problem," she spoke softly. There was an awkward silence.

"Have a seat," I said pulling out the seat next me and across from Greg. As she sat I introduced everyone. "Christine this is Josh," he nodded his head and she smiled, "And this is Greg." I said. She smiled at him timidly as he smiled broadly. Apparently, he got over his shyness.

"So what was it that you needed help with?" Christine asked.

"Problem twelve," I said, picking a random question. "I can't figure out how to isolate the variable." I acted extremely confused and frustrated. Christine seemed to buy it but Josh apparently didn't. He scoffed and muttered what sound like, "liar, liar pants on fire."

I simply glared at him and acted confused as Christine explained what I already new. Five minutes and some amazing acting, later I acted as if I had had a breakthrough and thanked Christine. Greg finally plucked up enough courage to talk to her and the two of them were soon immersed in deep conversation. I smiled at them and continued to work on the assignment. Twenty minutes later the bell signaling the end of class rang. Gathering my books, I took notice of Greg and Christine. Deciding to be chivalrous, Greg had taken Christine's books and offered to walk her to her next class. They walked out together and I had the strongest urge to awe at the scene.

"Someone's playing matchmaker today," Josh said as he walked with me towards my history class. I shrugged as I walked through the crowded hallway. As I did people that I knew, and some that I didn't shouted greetings towards us while some simply waved.

"Well at least Greg's going to the dance now," I said as I waved to a girl from my Spanish class.

"No he's not," Josh said.

"Yes he is. He's going to ask Christine," I replied. "Weren't you listening to them?" I asked.

"I'm not an eavesdropper," he said smugly. I snickered.

"Well he's obviously going to ask her," I repeated. "And you might as well go. It's your senior year. You should make the best of it."

"So," he responded. "I'm not dressing up."

I rolled my eyes as we walked down a flight of steps leading to the first floor. Carefully I walked down the perilous incline, trying not to be killed. A few times, I almost tripped but thankfully, Josh stopped my fall. As I stood outside my door to history, I turned and addressed Josh.

"Josh seriously, you don't have to wear tights and a tailcoat." He shuddered and I held back a laugh. "You could go wearing normal clothes and just put on a hat and a fake moustache or something." He brightened at this and finally agreed to go. I gave him a quick one-armed hug and walked into my history class smiling like a moron. I felt amazing. I had just done the impossible and it only took little under an hour.

Gracefully, I sat in the hard seat and waited for the teacher to enter. I looked at the board and saw that we would be learning about World War II. Lazily I opened my book, turned to the chapter, and began to read. By the time the teacher had entered, a full fifteen minutes late, I had gotten halfway through the chapter and had taken a significant amount of notes. In just twenty minutes, I had covered what would take the teacher a week's worth of class time. So, instead of listening to a lecture on something I already knew about I pulled out my math homework and began to work.

Unfortunately, that only took about ten minutes of my forty-two minute class period. Sighing softly, I tried to pay attention to the teacher who continued to drone on about Hitler's rise to power. Finally, the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. I literally sprang out of my seat and raced upstairs towards my locker. I conversed conversationally with my locker neighbors as I loaded my books into my grey messenger bag. When I was sure that I had all my books, I shut my locker door. As I walked towards the exit, Greg came and picked me up in a hug. He twirled me around laughing as I squealed at the sudden loss of solid ground. Soon my squeals turned into laughter as he set me down. I wobbled slightly as the hallway kept spinning even though I had stopped. After I regained composure I asked,

"What was that for dear Gregory?"

"I asked Christine out," he said excitedly. "And she said yes!" I beamed up at his tall figure.

"Congratulations!" I said. "When are you two going out?"

"This Friday, after school," he responded as we walked out into the wonderful October air. Closing my eyes, I smiled and inhaled deeply.

"That's great Greg," I said with my eyes still shut. "Are you planning on asking her to the Halloween dance?"

"Should I?" he asked. Opening my eyes, I turned to face him.

"Of course you should!" I said, lightly shoving him. "Why shouldn't you?"

"Well…" he began but couldn't come up with any good reason.

"Exactly," I said with a smirk.

We both walked through the large courtyard in front of the school. Students were running around all over the lawn, screaming, laughing and yelling. The sun shown brightly through the trees whose leaves were all different shades or red, orange and brown. A cool breeze blew softly through the yard ruffling the trees and stealing their leaves. They danced in the air, doing all sorts of turns, flips and spins before reaching their temporary resting place on the ground.

I smiled at its beauty.

"Hey Jame," Greg said.

"Yeah?"

"Want a ride home?" he asked. It was then that I realized we had reached the school parking lot.

"Nah, I'm fine. I think I'll walk and enjoy this good weather while it lasts. Thanks though." I smiled up at him.

"If you're sure," he said uncertainly. I smiled again.

"Greg, I'll be fine," I assured him. "I promise I won't talk to any strangers and that I won't go near and any cars," I added in a childlike manner. He laughed and gave me a quick hug goodbye before we parted.

I began the long trek home and soon became lost in my thoughts. The cool October air seeped through my thin white sweater and blew my long auburn waves about my shoulders as I walked. I hummed softly to myself as I unwound; the tension and stress from school flying away with the breeze. I had only been walking for a few minutes when I heard someone shout my name from behind me. I turned swiftly and pulled down my big brown sunglasses to get a better look at whom it was. When I did recognize the person, I felt my mouth drop open slightly.

Replacing my sunglasses over my eyes, I waited patiently until Frank caught up with me. When he did it was an awkward moment.

"Hey Frank," I said slightly confused. "Do you need something?" I asked. He glanced at me for a moment before shaking his head.

"No. I was just going to offer to walk you home," he said. I stood there shocked but quickly covered it up. I was about to deny his offer when Lea's words rang through my head.

"Think of this as a new frontier of which you could try and mend a burnt bridge."

So instead of walking away and leaving him standing on the sidewalk I smiled sweetly at him and said,

"I'd like that."