What is This Feeling?

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The next morning I found myself aimlessly wandering my empty, cold and lonely house. The sun was barely rising, bringing with it all assortments of pinks, crimsons and blues.

Eventually I had seated myself near a large glass window and observed the rising sphere of light. Holly sat patiently at my feet, as I remained a single living statue in my vacant house. No noise was heard except for the faint ticking of a few clocks and my slightly labored breathing. My head rested in my hands, hiding myself from some unknown assailant.

The nightmares had become increasingly worse over the past few days. Last night's had been the worst. I couldn't even recall what had happened only an overwhelming feeling of panic, terror and dread gripping at my chest. My heart would speed up at just the thought. I remember screaming. Just the shrieks themselves were enough to make me sick.

The agony.

The terror.

The distress.

The pure frustration held in those screams is what made them all the more terrifying.
They came from everywhere, echoing in my mind until I awoke screaming and sobbing. The mixture of fear, anxiety and anger I felt afterwards made me restless and therefore I was incapable of sleep.

But why though?

Who was screaming?

Why were they?

Every time I'd look for the cause, the catalyst for this awful sensation, this pit in my stomach, it would slip through my fingers like sand. The harder I searched, the more fleeting it became, which in turn, led to more frustration. It was a downward spiral.

The screams.

The overwhelming fear.

The insomnia.

The constant struggle.

All of it was enough to drive any sane person mad!

I found it harder and harder to concentrate on anything but the overwhelming fear. As if it weren't enough for my dreams to be plagued by unexplainable terrors but my waking moments were tainted with dread filled fantasies.

It was all too much.

However, I had found a remedy; at least, a temporary one. The screams, fear and slight panic attacks came only when I was alone with my thoughts. Very rarely did they arrive when I was surrounded with people. With that, I had taken the liberty of planning my days so I barely had enough time to sleep let alone be by myself to think. I had taken on another shift at work, extra credit assignments at school, and buried myself in homework. I knew that it wasn't the smartest of things, but I had to make the anxiety and panic stop. This seemed like the only logical way, to me at least. I knew deep down that it wasn't, but until it started to hurt my physically I wasn't going to stop. I could handle myself, and would stop when I crossed the line. However, somewhere in the dusty corners of my mind, I knew that I wouldn't.

I'd keep going until everything reached some sort of end, a resolution that I wasn't looking for consciously.

Would my life ever be normal again?

~.~.~.~.~.~

After a tiring day of school, I walked sluggishly into work. Leanne greeted me cheerfully, instantly brightening my mood.

"What's up with you hun?" she asked while giving a few orders to one of the chefs. "You look about ready to pass out." I gave a forced laugh, waving my hand dismissively.

"School," I spat out as if the word was venomous. She laughed lightly and gave me a one sided hug.

"You'll be fine babe," she reassured me. I rolled my eyes playfully. "Besides today is Friday!"
I laughed genuinely at her sudden spark of enthusiasm.

"I know. It'll be amazing to get some sleep." I forced the words out, trying to sound as I would normally. However, I wasn't looking forward to sleep. I hardly did anymore. "How do you feel about going to pick out some costumes for the dance with Siena and me?" I asked as I laced up my small green apron.

"Sounds good to me," Lea replied as she applied some lip-gloss carefully to her lips. Running my hands through my hair I haphazardly threw in up into a messy ponytail.

"Tomorrow around two?" I asked. She nodded and followed me towards the sinks.

"Lunch before or dinner after?" she asked as we washed our hands.

"I'm not sure. You know I'm always up to eating," I joked.

"Trust me. I know."

"And what exactly is that supposed to me?" I faked offence.

"Nothing…" she sang while drying her hands. As she turned her back, a small smirk formed on my features. Lea's high-pitched shriek reached my ears as I splashed water towards her.
She turned slowly, a deadly glare upon her feminine features. I bit my lip and looked down at my hands.

"You did not just do that."

"Oh on the contrary," I smirked, "I just did."

I let out high-pitched yelp as she lunged at me and began to slap me playfully.

Maybe life was more normal than I'd thought…