What is This Feeling?

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That next morning I awoke suddenly, my breathing erratic. Placing a hand to placate my beating heart, I looked around the Iero’s dark and desolate living room. Cool moonlight ghosted softly across the cream-colored carpet, it was too early for me to be awake. Letting out an aggravated sigh I fell back into the mess of blankets and pillows that made up my make shift bed. I pressed my eyes shut tightly in a vain attempt to fall back to sleep.

It was useless.

Deciding that I should at least do something productive now that I was awake, I reached blindly for my glasses. After some fumbling, I put the black frames on. Still on my back, I reached for the lamp above my head and switched it on.

I had to squint my eyes from the blinding light as it flooded over me and illuminated the rest of the room with a soft yellow tinted glow. Sitting up slowly I pulled my backpack towards me. Once I had located the book I'd been searching for, I settled in and began to read while stroking Holly’s head.

~.~.~.~.~

I stirred slightly, hearing a faint voice.

"I'm not sure Mikey. I mean, I never really thought that much about it." I buried my head farther into my pillow in a desperate attempt to drown out the intruding voice.

“Since…well…you know.” Groaning I turned away from the voice, wishing for it to go away.

“I think you’re right. She seems fine but that can’t be normal, especially after what happened.”

This caught my interest. Straining my ears, I listened as the voice, which I recognized as Frank's, continued his phone call.

“That’s exactly what I thought-” He stopped.

I heard what sounded like Mikey's voice but I could hardly make out his words.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

I grew exceedingly frustrated with the incredibly cryptic conversation. Suddenly I wished for an amazing sense of hearing.

"No!" He yelled suddenly making me jump.

I heard him take in a deep breath and hold it, waiting to see if he had woken me up.

Covering up my violent motion, I rolled over to face him. Settling back into the couch I let out
a contented sigh and continued to feign sleep. Vaguely I wondered where the book I had been reading earlier had gone. It was a few moments of tension before he spoke again.

"No," he said much quieter now, almost a whisper. "It's not like that… Yes, I'm sure. Why does it matter anyway?"

His aggravated tone only irked me more. If only I could hear what Mikey was saying…

"Shut up," Frank mumbled before sighing. "Yeah that would be great. Thanks."

He stopped talking for a moment before saying,

"Yeah, she's still asleep. What do you mean 'How do I know?' She's asleep in my living room moron. No, I'm not watching her sleep, that's creepy. I'm not you Mikey."

So it was Mikey!

I felt slightly proud that I was able to guess with whom Frank was talking.

"I'm in the kitchen drinking coffee."

Liar

"Yeah I'll save you some," he said. "See you in five."

Sighing softly he shut his phone. Subtly I pulled the soft white blanket up towards my face, hiding behind it. Once I was sure that my face was adequately hidden, I opened my eyes to see what was happening. There Frank sat staring idly at his small phone.

He was deep in thought.

The light colored chair in which he sat contrasted drastically with his wrinkled grey tee shirt and ripped black pajama pants. Shaggy black hair hung over his hazel eyes hiding them from me. He looked so distraught. I found myself desperate to know what he was thinking.

As if sensing that someone was staring, he glanced up. Quickly I shut my eyes, hoping that he didn't notice, breathing deeply as if I were deeply subdued by sleep's spell. It was an agonizing thirty seconds before I heard him exhale noisily and stand. I felt him walk swiftly by, drafting a breeze over me. With it came a sweet smell.

It was an engaging mixture of cologne, mint and a tint of something else that I couldn't identify. Breathing in deeply I tried to decipher the mystery smell but came to no avail.

Nevertheless, I imprinted the charming smell to my memory.

While Frank busied himself in the kitchen, making the alleged coffee I assumed, many questions ran through my head. What had Frank been talking to Mikey about? It was obviously about me, something that I found unnerving. Had they noticed how unraveled I'd become over the past few weeks? If so I wasn't the actress I had once thought. Hopefully they were the only two that had noticed. If Mrs. Iero found out, she would most likely confess her concerns to my mother.

I shuddered. I didn't want her to worry about me. Although, deep down, I knew that if someone as oblivious as Frank had noticed my upset behavior, that others must have too.

Yet, lately I've been noticing a few things.

Frank wasn't as dense or as out of touch with the world as I had once thought. If I'd let myself confess, I'd say that he was rather observant. His quiet nature I had often misinterpreted as him being conceited and proud. Now I was beginning to see a new side to him. One that wasn't so arrogant but somewhat sweet and slightly sensitive.

However, I'd never let myself confess that out loud.

I must have drifted again because the next thing I new Mikey and Frank were sitting on the chairs across from my couch talking in hushed voices.

"So we both think she's lying," Mikey stated.

I heard him take a long slurp of his coffee before sighing contently. My mouth watered slightly as the sweet aroma engulfed my senses.

"Mhmm," Frank murmured. "I mean, it's not like you can have something like that happen to you without being affected by it. She's just too…" he trailed off, searching for the right word to express his obviously troubled thoughts. I felt a pang of remorse for his distress.

"Calm?" Mikey suggested.

"I guess," Frank sighed. "For lack of a better word, yes." He paused for a moment before continuing. "It's like nothing happened. She's so…composed of the time. I don't understand it."

"What's not to understand?" Mikey asked. "I mean, to her, she doesn't have anything to worry about. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think your guilt's just making you crazy, which it shouldn't since you did nothing wrong."

There was a silence as Mikey's last statement hung heavily in the air. My head buzzed with even more questions.

What did Mikey mean by it wouldn't have seemed like anything to worry about to me? Did they know something that I didn't? My common sense was screaming, 'YES!' but I was too preoccupied with his next statement to really linger. Frank's guilt weighed heavily on my heart. What would he be guilty about? I didn't have much time to consider any plausible answers as Mikey broke the silence.

"You said she's been having dreams…?"

"Yeah," Frank sighed. "That's how I know she's upset."

"What do you mean?" Mikey asked sniffling slightly.

"She talks…," he muttered.

I felt my blood run cold. Gulping I wished that I could sink into the couch and never resurface. What had I said?!

"And…" Mikey urged.

"She says 'Why?' a lot," he mumbled. My heartbeat thudded in my ears and my face felt flushed. Surely, they could hear my pounding heart. It sounded like thunder to me. "That's usually when she starts to cry." I cringed mentally.

Great, I thought to myself, now he'll use that against me.

But if I'd been staying here for the past week and these dreams had been reoccurring, why hadn't he said anything? Could it possibly be that he was trying to be courteous and spare my feelings from humiliation and embarrassment? The thought was fanatical to me! However, Frank's odd behavior lately led me to believe that he was changing, and for the better.

"Sometimes she'll just breath real heavy before she starts to talk more," Frank trailed off and I held my breath.

So far I hadn't said anything that would be terribly mortifying but, as I was about to find out, there was much more to his story.

"It's hard to understand at first, she's mumbling, but she sounds so desperate Mikes. I didn't know what to do the first time it happened."

"First time?" Mikey asked. Frank must have responded silently since Mikey continued. "How long has this been going on?"

"Since she got here." He paused. "The first time it happened I woke up because I thought I heard someone talking. I figured that ma had left the TV on and had fallen asleep in the living room again." Frank chuckled before continuing. "She does that a lot.

"So I began to walk down the hall but I heard the sound coming from the guest room. That's where Jamie was sleeping before that little… mongrel came to stay with us," he growled.

I had to stifle the laughter that was fighting its way up my throat.

"Anyway," he continued. "I was about to go back to bed when I heard what sounded like crying. At first, I thought that she was awake and I didn't want to bother her, but then I heard her screaming.

"I panicked thinking that someone had broken in …" Frank mumbled and stopped. When he didn't continue, Mikey spoke up.

"Then what happened?"

I heard Frank sigh.

"I tried getting in but the door was locked so I used the master key," he explained. "I opened the door and couldn't see. It was too dark. When I turned on the light, I saw her thrashing around on the bed. I," he paused to take a shaky breath, "I didn't know what to do."

"What did you do?" Mikey asked.

"I ran over to the bed to try and get her to wake up, but she just panicked more when I would try and touch her. So I tried talking to her which seemed to work because she stopped thrashing about. But she was still panicky.

"I decided to try and wake her up. I nudged her shoulder a few times but that only made things worse so I finally sat on the bed and started to shake her-"

"You what?"

"I shook her shoulders," Frank explained.

"Frank," Mikey said slowly, "What the hell did you think that was going to accomplish. Were you trying to hurt her?"

"Shut up Mikey. I'm not done," Frank growled. Mikey didn't speak again and so Frank continued. "I didn't hurt her. I wasn't shaking her violently I was just trying to get her to wake up."

"Did it work?"

"No," Frank replied. "But instead of her screaming and pushing me away, she…well, she latched onto my arm and started apologizing over and over again."

I wanted to die. How could I have done something like that? Suddenly I felt nauseous. I wanted to lock myself in a bathroom and never come out.

"Eventually she stopped crying and moving around and when I thought she was asleep, I left," Frank explained. "That's been happening since her first night here and things haven't gotten any better."

"Does your mom know?" Mikey asked.

"No. I wasn't going to tell her either but now I think I might."

I felt myself panic. He couldn't! His mom would tell my mom which would cause her to worry which would led to her being overprotective and… I stopped myself. There wasn't any point to worrying right now. I would just make sure that Frank wouldn't tell. I had enough dirt on him to keep him quiet if it came down to that. But I wasn't so sure about Mikey. He'd never done anything wrong that would shut him up. Maybe he'd keep his mouth shut if I'd ask him. He was definitely more gentleman like than Frank.

"Why would you do that?" Mikey asked.

"I don't know Mikes," Frank sighed. I just don't know what to do anymore! I thought this would stop after a few days but it's gotten worse and maybe she could give Jamie some sleeping pills or something…"

"I don't think that's the best idea Frank," Mikey said slowly. I felt my hopes rise as he spoke. "Getting more people involved would only make things worse."

"I guess you're right," Frank sighed. I would somehow repay Mikey for this.

"I wonder what she's dreaming about?"

"Me too," Frank mumbled. He sounded unsure, as if he were hiding something.

"What's wrong Frank?" Mikey asked worriedly.

"Nothing's wrong," he said leaving his sentence hanging in the air. There was definitely something that he wasn't saying.

"It's probably nothing but, well… it's stupid. Never mind Mikes. Do you want more coffee?"

Frank tried to dismiss the subject and I wanted to scream. I heard him stand and begin to walk. However, Mikey must have felt the same as me.

"Wait Frank," he called. I wasn't sure whether or not Frank stopped but Mikey continued nonetheless. "Even if you think it's stupid, it's obviously bothering you. Just tell me, I promise I won't judge you."

There was a long pause. At first, I didn't think that Frank would speak. The heavy silence covered us, settling over the room making the air thick with tension. Suddenly I heard Frank sigh near me. He was much closer than before, only a foot or two away from where my head was resting.

"She said my name."

My breath hitched.

"What?"

"She said my name," Frank repeated. "She's dreaming about me."

If I could have, I would have died right then and there. It was embarrassing enough for them to know how weak and scared I was, but now he knows that he's in my dreams. I felt myself flush with humiliation.

The silence continued for what felt like hours but in reality was only a few minutes. The only sounds that could be heard were our mixed breathing and the deafening pounding of my heart. Well, at least to me it was deafening.

"Well, what are you going to do?" Mikey inquired plainly.

"I don't know Mikey," Frank growled. "That's why I called you."

"Why don't you just talk to her?

"What!" Frank yelled causing me to twitch.

I twisted mid twitch hitting my bad arm off the couch. I moaned pitifully without thinking, the pain was too prominent to ignore. Mentally I cursed myself for letting my cover slip. I kept my eyes closed in hopes of keeping up my façade.

"Shit Mikey!" Frank whispered to Mikey. "What happened? Do you think she's alright? Maybe we should wake her up. What if-"

"You like her don't you?"

What?

"What?" Frank asked his voice as shocked as I was although his had cracked.

"You like her, as in you care about her, don't you?" Mikey elaborated. I had to remind myself to keep breathing deeply as I waited for Frank's response.

"No-"

"Frank," Mikey said in a condescending manner.

"Fine," Frank sighed. "She kinda grew on me…but that doesn't mean I wanna date her."

"I never said that it did Frank. You just assumed," Mikey said. I could just imagine his infamous smirk.

"You're a dick. You know that right?" Frank growled.

"Yes I know."

Mentally I rolled my eyes at Mikey's retort. However, my amusement soon turned to wonder. Frank liked me. I felt a small hope swelling inside of me but I soon fought it down. I shook my head slightly as to not draw attention to myself. He said he didn't want to date me but still, the fact that he liked me, even as a friend, was something remarkable, astounding, startling, astonishing… the list could go on forever. Frank, the boy, who from the very moment he'd met me, hated me now likes me.

What had happened that I had missed?

Suddenly my phone's ring interrupted my thoughts. I heard Frank swear and Mikey stifle a laugh at Frank's panic. Groaning, I fumbled around for the mechanical device, not remembering where I had left it the night before. As I finally remembered that it was on the glass coffee table in front of the couch, I reached for it. What I forgot was just how far the table was from the couch. I tumbled ungracefully off of the plush couch and landed with a loud bang onto the hardwood floor.

"Ow," I mumbled.

Sitting up I grabbed my phone to see that I had received a text message from Siena. Quickly I replied before grunting and flopping back down onto the hard floor.

"Are you okay?" I heard Frank ask.

"Just dandy."

Again, I sat up. Frank stood across from me, a look of concern about his boyish features. Mikey on the other hand, was missing in action. I opened my mouth to ask where he was but quickly shut it, remembering that they had assumed I was asleep.

"How did you end up on the floor?" he questioned.

"I fell?" I asked more than stated with a small shrug. He laughed. I liked it.

"Well c'mon," he said, "I just made some fresh coffee and my mom should be back with Holly in a few minutes."

It was then that I noticed my dog's absence.

"Where did they go?"

"Ma wanted to take Holly for a walk." He replied. Moving the blankets, I stood slowly to keep from a major head rush.

"At eight thirty in the morning," I said incredulously. He simply shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"You know how she is," he laughed, "your dog has my mom wrapped around her little paw."

I laughed and took a stepped forward.

"That's so true-" I let out a small shriek as I tripped over the blankets that tangled around my feet.

I braced myself as I prepared to fall, but instead of landing on the hard floor, I landed against something sturdy and warm. Stong arms wrapped around me holding me close and secure. I was embraced by the enchanting aroma once again, and fought against the terribly strong urge to close my eyes and inhale deeply.

Eyes wide I looked up to find Frank's face not far from my own.

"Whoa," I heard Frank laugh. His breath washed over my face, making me shiver. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you fell?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Positive."

Pushing against his chest with my arms, I stood, fighting the blush that crept up my neck. The close proximity made me nervous, but not in a bad way. That in itself was scary. If I had been this close to Frank before, I would have been slightly nauseous. But now… now, I felt warm and safe. I couldn't understand it. Or I did, and was just to proud to admit it.

It was most likely the second.

As I followed Frank towards the kitchen, I heard rustling upstairs. I ignored it and sat down as Frank placed a cup of coffee in front of me. I smiled in thanks.

"Cream and sugar?" he asked.

"No thanks," I said. "I like it black."

"Really?" He leaned against the kitchen counter as I sipped gratefully the hot drink in my hands. "I would've taken you as a cream kinda gal."

I couldn't help but laugh at this comment. Covering my mouth with my hand, I began to cough.

"What?" He asked trying to hide a smile.

"I didn't know that you judged people by the coffee they drink."

He shrugged.

"You can tell a lot about people by what they drink."

"So…I like my coffee black. What does that tell you Dr. Phil?" I asked, leaning on the island's countertop in front of me. He chuckled before coming over to sit across the way from me.

"Well for starters it means that you're honest," he said. "Sometimes brutally harsh though, and that you can be bitter."

"Maybe I should use cream," I mumbled. He laughed.

"No. Honesty isn't a bad thing. Besides, I just wanted to get the bad things out of the way."

"Oh?" I asked.

"Mhmm," he murmured, copying me as I took a drink of my coffee.

"Well start with the compliments please," I joked. He rolled his eyes before placing his white mug onto the black countertop.

"Since you don't put anything in your drink it means that you're comfortable with yourself," He began. "You see what people consider flaws to be unique traits that give something personality. You find beauty where others don't.

"You seem simple and easy to read, although just like you can't see through darkness, you're impossible to figure out; to get into your head and to see what's really going on isn't easy. It also shows the depth you have and the secrets that you hold."

When he finished he sat back with a proud look on his face. I sat motionless, astounded with his sudden words of wisdom and flattered by his compliments.

"Wow," was all I managed to say.

"I know," he said with a small smile. "Creepy ain't it?"

I nodded.

"So," I began, "How do you like your coffee?"

"I usually put in some sugar," he stated. He paused to smile at me.

"But I prefer it black."