What is This Feeling?

"Frank?"

What is he doing here?

"Do you know him? My name is Andy by the way," he held out his hand.

"Jamie," I said taking hold of his hand. "And yeah. I do know him." I let go of his hand to pull some of my hair out of my face. "Why is he here? What happened to him?" I asked. I began to panic. If Frank is hurt that means that I must be near his house, that in turn that Linda might be hurt, or Ray or Mikey or- "Was anyone else hurt?" My voice was strained.

"Well one other person was hurt," he said looking over my head. "Why? Don't you remember what happened?" He brought his attention back to me. " Maybe you hit your head harder than we thought?" He mumbled the last part to himself. I shoved his hand away from my head as he began to inspect it for further damage.

"Who else was hurt?" I said. Andy was beginning to get on my nerves.

"You really don't remember do you?" he asked. The blank look on my face gave away my answer. Andy sighed. "I'm not sure if I should be the one telling you this?" He trailed off, mumbling something I couldn't understand.
"Andy," I stared into his grey eyes. "Either you tell me what's going on or I'll find out myself." He seemed hesitant but continued anyway. This time he spoke in a whisper.

"Does the name Julian Marks sound familiar to you?" I shook my head 'no'. "Really? You haven't." I shook my head again silently cursing for doing so. My head was killing me. "Well Julian Marks is a very influential man in the underground. He runs a 'shady' business if you know what I mean." Andy looked around and then back to me.

"So," I searched for the right words. "it's like the mob?" I stared at him quizzically.

"Well a little but they don't kill as much," He explained. I made an 'oh' sound. "Well that's not true really. They're big drug dealers, so if people don't pay up they get rid of them," he state.

How did he know so much?

"We get a few casualties in here because of them," he said. I nodded my head, trying to understand.

"Alright, so what does Julian Marks have to do with who got hurt?" I asked. Andy sat next to me and pointed over to where a large group of cops and paramedics surrounded an ambulance.

"That man over there, surrounded by those people, is Julian Marks." I gave him a 'so what' look. "That is the man who attacked you."

My eyes went wide.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"Julian Marks is the man who attacked you. He is also the man that you shot in the legs," he said. "Nice aim by the way." He grinned and nudged my shoulder. I mumbled thanks, my thoughts racing. I shot a man.

It was self-defense

What if he dies?

It was self-defense

I'll be a killer.

It was self-defense

I would have killed another living being.

It was self-defense

"Is he going to die?" I asked.

"No. He won't, but from the shots you gave him I'll be very surprised if he's able to walk correctly again." He said staring at the group of people. I let out a breath I didn't know that I had been holding.

"You said that he was an influential man," I stated. Andy nodded. "So he was their leader?" I asked.

"In a sense, yes he was. But there are so many different 'leaders'," he put quotation marks around the word leaders. "that it comes down to how much money and power you have." He paused. "That and whoever can survive the longest."

I nodded my head. I kept a calm exterior but on the inside I was going through a mini panic attack. I shot a mob leader! What if they came after me again? My family? My friends? They would all be in danger.

"Why me?" I whispered.

I began to watch, as Frank was loaded into the ambulance next to me. He looked awful.He lay on the white sheets; his hair was dirty and stuck out at all odd angles. His face was bloodied and bruised; a black bruise was forming over his right eye. The red and blue lights flashed over his face, his pale skin reflecting them. A blonde middle-aged woman was placing an oxygen mask over his face. Tears welled up in my eyes. This would hurt Linda so much.

How did this happen?

I turned back to Andy and said, "I still don't understand what Frank has to do with this." Andy opened his mouth to speak but was cut off.

"I was hoping that you would be able to answer that for me Miss Walters." A voice from behind caused me to jump and turn. "My name is Agent Lawrence Larko. Would it be possible to ask you a few questions?"

Agent Larko was a striking man. To say that he was tall would be an understatement. He could have been 6'7" easily. His chocolate colored hair was slightly messy and contrasted greatly with his orderly appearance. His deep blue eyes stared into mine.
I glanced back at Frank's motionless body and turned back to the man.

"Agent Larko, I would be happy to answer any questions you may have but I'm afraid it will have to wait." I turned back to Frank's body. "I'm going to go with Frank to the hospital." Agent Larko looked at me for a while then sharply nodded his head saying,

"I understand. I will meet you there." He then stalked off towards a small black Cadillac near the end of the street.

I turned towards Andy, said my thanks and walked over to the ambulance that contained Frank's body. After lying and saying that I was Frank's cousin I got into the ambulance and looked at his haggard form. I felt so helpless at this point.

What happened to you, Frank?

I stared off into space trying to recall the past events. It was strange for my attacker to have a name. It seemed to make him real, human. I think that I was still expecting to wake up and say it was nightmare. I shook my head. The painkillers that Andy had given me earlier were beginning to wane. The throbbing in my right arm was becoming more intense. Every bump in the road could be felt. The smell of the anesthetics was making me nauseous, the sirens causing my already painful headache to intensify.

Leaning my head back, I sighed and stared at the ceiling. Have you ever had those moments when you're on the verge of remembering something and you can't? As if the words are on the tip of your tongue but you can't say anything. That's how I felt right now.

But with what?

Why was Frank here right now?! I felt like I knew the answer but it was just beyond my grasp.

Moaning brought me out of my train of thought. The moan was muffled slightly by the oxygen mask but it still sounded familiar. I looked down at Frank's form. He had turned his head to face me but his eyes were shut. I was thankful for that. For as much as I've always hated Frank I couldn't stand to see him hooked up to so many machines. He looked like a rag doll; dull and lifeless. It was the first time I had ever seen Frank look so fragile.

It scared me.

I studied his face. He had grown very handsome in the past eight years that I had known him. Although his looks had matured, his spirit hadn't; not in the slightest. He was always smiling or laughing or pouting, none of which were in my direction. Honestly, if I would let myself admit, Frank is a loyal and kindhearted friend.

Too bad he hates me.

I really don't know why he hated me so. I just couldn't understand it. What had I done to him? It hurt how he treated me. It was unfair how he would judge me without knowing me.
I always felt insignificant next to Frank. I hated it, and I hated him for that feeling. Secretly though I would love to have his freedom in spirit. His free whim and way of life. He smiled so easily, laughed easily.

Carefree

I put my head between my hands and grunted.

Why is everything so confusing?

My mind began to drift. I kept replaying the entire ordeal over and over in my head. Suddenly I realized why Frank's moan had been so familiar. He was the figure who tried to save me!

Which means he's in the hospital because of you

My eyes went wide and a low noise began. I started to rock back and forth in the chair.
no, no, no, no Its all my fault. I did this to him!

"Miss, are you alright?" the blonde woman from before touched my shoulder; concern evident in her eyes. Her heavy southern accent was comforting. The noise from early stopped. It was then I realized that I had been making the noise.

Well that wasn't embarrassing at all

I sighed and nodded. The woman eyed me cautiously before saying, "He'll be fine, just a broken leg and a few bruised ribs, is all. He'll recover in no time." After giving her a reassuring smile, she sat back towards the front attempting to give Frank and me some privacy. The gesture made me smile. I turned back towards Frank to see him staring at me wide eyed.

He looked so helpless and scared, maybe that's why I did what I did. Hesitantly I put my hand on his head and began to smooth back his hair. I remember my mom doing this when I was younger and scared. No matter what it always relaxed me.</p> <p> I smiled. It seemed to be having the same effect on Frank as his eyes began to droop. His features relaxed; a smile played on his strained face. I continued to stroke his forehead until we reached the hospital. Upon arrival, Frank was quickly taken out of the ambulance and rushed into the ER.

I sat in the waiting room listening to my ipod. I had called my mother earlier to tell her what had happened. As I had assumed she completely freaked out. She was screaming, crying, swearing, and laughing all within a five-minute time span. Leave it to my mom to make this entire thing into end of the world, although I would probably do the same thing if it were my child. I had convinced my mom not to cancel her trip but I couldn't stop her from coming home that night.

She said and I quote, "I will not believe that you safe until I see you for myself." When I reminded her of the doctor's degrees she said "Jamie Lynne, you are mydaughter and I am coming home! End of discussion. Besides I know my own daughter better than some flussy hutch doctor!"

She then added that Linda might need some emotional support considering that her son just had a near death experience. On the bright side my mom would be there for my first day of school, but on the other hand though I would be in the hospital the entire time and miss it. The rumors will be unbearable when I go back.

Fanfuckingtastic

Later that night Agent Larko had come, as he promised, and asked me for my side of the story. We ended up talking for hours. As he left promising his return, he asked if there was anything I wanted in the morning. I looked up at him and smiled.

"A decent cup of coffee would be nice," I said gesturing to the cup of 'coffee' I had between my hands.
More like warm flavored mud

He laughed and nodded, leaving me alone in the lounge area. Its white and blue walls were beginning to irritate me.

Would it kill them to redecorate?

I sat staring at the wall for at least another five minutes before a small Asian nurse came into the room. I stood and faced her.

"Are you a Miss," she looked down at the clip board in her tiny hands. "Walters?" She looked back up at me with dark brown eyes. Her black satin hair was pulled back into a ponytail that brushed the top of her yellow outfit every time she moved her head.

"Yes I am," I answered. My feet had gone numb from sitting so long and it now felt like millions of needles were jabbing at them.

"Mr. Iero came out of surgery twenty minutes ago. It was a success." I breathed a sigh of relief. "He's asleep at the moment so you are welcome to leave-"

"Is it alright if I stay?"

What?

Once again my mouth acts against my will. The nurse looked taken aback for a second then recovered.

"Well, I believe it would be possible seeing as he isn't the ICU anymore." She smiled. "Follow me please."

I followed the nurse, whose name was Kiyomi, through the white and pink halls. Most of the lights were off giving the hospital and eerie glow. Finally we approached room 509. She pushed open the door and allowed me to enter.

"I'm sorry but there aren't any other beds and it seems the only chair that is able to be slept in is unavailable." She smiled motioning to Linda sleeping soundly in the chair on the right side of Frank's bed. "Are you sure you would like to stay?" She asked.

"Its fine," Said turning to thank her. She smiled and left, closing the door quietly behind her.

Silently I walked over to stand between Frank and Linda. You could tell they were related. They both had the same colored hair and eyes. Their smiles were practically identical. It was scary how alike they looked at times.

"I'm glad that you're okay Frank," I whispered.

I yawned and moved to the other side of Frank's bed. Above the blue plastic chair was a rack containing many fleece blankets. I stood on the chair, pulled two off the rack and sat down on the floor. After pulling my hood over my head I folded the two blankets together until they formed a makeshift pillow. I curled up on the my left side, being careful of my arm and closed my eyes.

The sounds of monitors and light snores lulled me into a peaceful slumber.