A New Form of Drug

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror straightening my light brown hair. I looked at the clock, I had an hour before he said he was going to be here, knowing him he’ll be late. I still had to put on my new dress and make dinner.

Finally finishing I put all my stuff away and went to my closet. I took off my shorts and wife beater and traded it for the tight black dress I had bought the other day just for him.

With a sigh I looked at myself in the full length mirror; deciding I looked alright I went downstairs. I went to the kitchen and took out the ham and put it in the oven. I quickly filled up a pot with water for the potatoes I would boil, after that I found some vegetables. I went and grabbed two wine glasses and the red wine. Going to a drawer I pulled out two long candles, nothing wrong with a romantic setting.

If you’re wondering what I was preparing for it was none other than the infamous, Zak Bagans.

He had called earlier this week and told me he’d “be near town” and that he’d “swing by to hang out”. Let me explain something to you, Zak Bagans doesn’t just hang out, never with me anyway; no he would call when he was near and say he’d stop by to hang out then I would go buy a new dress, get all prettied up, make him dinner and it didn’t matter. When he got here he never paid too much attention to what I was wearing; well only long enough for it to end up on the floor, he never ate, and we certainly did not “hang out”.

I would kill for something more with Zak, to have a relationship that involved more than just sex, to hear “I love you” outside of the throws of passion, or to actually get breakfast together in the morning.

I never get any of that, you know what I get; I get to wake up to an empty bed with a folded note on the pillow next to me that read the same thing every single time. It never fails. Every morning the same note.

No, this time will be different, this time I will talk to Zak, I will ask him about how this past investigation went, I will tell him how I was doing, I will hear “I love you” outside of the bedroom. I will have a relationship with Zak Bagans, just wait and see.

An Hour Later

The candles were lit and the ham was placed in the middle of the table like a center piece, two plates and wines glass sat on the table. The door opened signaling Zak was here. I heard him call from the doorway as I waited in the dining room. I quickly grabbed the wine bottle to open it when he stepped in. I smiled up at him as he looked at the food.

“What do you think?” I asked as he walked over and took a piece of ham.

“I think it looks good,” he smiled while grabbing my waist from behind. “But you look better,” I could hear the smirk in his voice as I traced sweet kisses on the neck. I sighed and shut my eyes trying to drown.

“Z-Zak?” I gasped.

“Um?” He muttered as he continued to distract me.

“I think we should… we should… um…” I was beginning to lose it but I couldn’t help it. His kisses went up to near my ear. Oh forget it! I turned in his arms and connected our lips, they tasted salty and bitter but sweet at the same time. His lips seemed to fit in my perfectly. I draped my arms around his neck as he picked me up bridal style and carried me upstairs after he blew out the candles.

The Next Day

I awoke the next morning with the sun washing over my face I sat up and examined my room. My new dress lay wrinkled on my white carpet floor along with my heels, the bed was a mess, and I turned to see it. That folded white little note that lay where it always had, on the pillow Zak used last night.

With a sigh I grabbed it not wanting to see it right now. It only reminded me of what I have done; I have traded all my dignity and respect for a man. Letting him use me in the hopes I would someday get a relationship with the man I loved.

I got up and put some clothes on before picking up my room and broken heart.

Why did I do this to myself you ask? I’ll tell you, Zak was like a new form of drug, and I was addicted. When you’re an addict you don’t care about dignity or pride only getting a quick fix. I went to the shower and washed away last night’s feeling of disgust. I always said this time would be different, I always said I’d talk to him about it but I never did and let’s be honest I never will. I was too weak and too in love with Zak to do or say anything.

With a sigh I got out and grabbed a towel, Wrapping it around myself I went to my room to get clothes. I went to my drawer and when I opened it I saw that condescending white note starring up at me. I stared at it a moment before reaching down with shaky fingers and wrapped my hand around it. Once I had it I unfolded it to read the same thing I have read for years now, it never changed but I still read it expecting something else, something more maybe but it never was. The front part said To Cate:

Had fun, sorry couldn’t stay longer.
Wasn’t enough time to catch up this time, maybe next time?
Call you when I’m back in town and we can hang out.
-Love Zak