The Only Thing On My Wishlist

“Hey, sweetheart.”

I yawned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I fell onto a kitchen chair. I wasn’t sure what time it was. I didn’t have a clock in my room and if I looked at my phone, I would have seen if Grant called. For the first time in all the years we’ve been dating, I put my phone on silent. I needed to sleep, just one decent night of sleep. And to be honest, I didn’t even sleep well. Every time my eyes closed, I saw Josh. I felt his lips and I smelt his skin. It was irritating. I didn’t like the kid. I should not be dreaming about him. “Mornin’, Mom.”

“I’m making French toast.” She smiled as she looked over at me from the stove, a spatula in her hand as the sun beamed off of her matching red hair. “I’m even putting cinnamon on it because I know how much you love it.”

“Thanks.”

I remembered when I was little, Mom always made French toast on Sundays. Dad and I would curl up on the couch and watch cartoons and Mom would be in the kitchen singing into a spatula as she danced around in her fuzzy socks. It was so normal—so perfect—and now she’s married to a guy she met on the internet and dad’s sailing around the Mediterranean with a guy he met in the Self-Improvement section at Barnes & Noble. And I loved Henry—and I loved Javier, too—but just thinking about the family I used to have made me miss it.

“You look like you have a lot on your mind, Ellie.” Mom said as she flipped the bacon.

I shook my head—lying—because I didn’t want to get into it now, or ever. “I’m fine.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” She looked over at me. “I know I’m your mom, but you’re not a child anymore, Ellie. You can make your own decisions and I’ll love you regardless, but I’m here if you want a push in the right direction.”

“I’m fine—”

“Because Henry and I were talking and if for some reason you decide to stay here, we were thinking maybe you and Luce could get an apartment together. We would help you guys out, of course. We just think that two girls in college would like their own space.”

I didn’t know what to say. I know Mom would love for me to stay. She’d been over here for three years and it wasn’t like I could visit often. I missed her. I really did. I don’t think anyone could understand how depressed I was when she couldn’t make it to my graduation. I understood. I really did. England and Georgia weren’t exactly close. And I would never hold the choices she made over her head, but I missed having her around. “Mom, I have Grant and I have Duke.”

She sighed, setting the spatula down on the stove. “Grant has Duke, Elliot. Grant is not the center of your universe. You don’t have to go to Duke if you don’t want to.”

What kind of person wouldn’t want to go to Duke? I worked so hard to get in. Why would I put that kind of pressure on myself and just let it go? “It’s Duke, Mom.”

“Elliot.” She had that tone in her voice like I did something wrong. “Do you remember what you told me when you were five? We were at the beach waiting in line for ice cream and you told me—”

“I want to be an ice cream man when I grow up.” I smiled as I brought my right knee to my chest, resting my head on it as I watched my mom.

“Because you wanted to make people smile and ice cream always makes people smile.”

I remembered that day very well. We were visiting my Aunt Linda in North Carolina. It was probably the hottest summer I’ve ever lived through and Mom and Dad had to beg me to come inside when I got too red. I was just so happy—a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time.

“Ellie, you could be anything and I’ll be proud of you. You don’t need to go to Duke. You don’t even need to stay here. I just want you to be happy.”

I don’t think I’d ever been happier to see Lucy in my entire life. Stumbling in at just the right moment, she saved me from attempting to convince my mother that I was happy.

“Bacon.” She licked her lips as she pretty much drooled over the pan. “It smells so yummy.”

I laughed, setting my foot back on the floor as I moved my elbows to the table. I watched as Mom slapped Lucy’s hand away from the pan and I watched as Lucy cracked eggs and I watched as Mom whisked them together. Then I watched as Henry walked into the kitchen, kissing Mom’s cheek and then Lucy’s and then mine. And then I realized that this was my family. Blood or genetics didn’t really matter. We were a family.

“Do you girls have any plans for the day?” Henry asked once breakfast was done cooking, all four of us sitting around the table shoveling food into our mouths. “Maybe plans that don’t revolve around a certain lad.” His eyes shifted to Lucy.

“You make it sound like you don’t like Max.”

Henry shook his head. “I think Max is great, muffin. I just think he spends too much time in your bedroom.”

“Daddy, it’s not like we’re doing anything.”

I choked on my orange juice and Lucy pinched my leg. “Ow.”

“I just think it would be nice if you and Ellie spend some quality time together without the boys.”

Personally, I would have appreciated some quality time alone. I loved Lucy. We got along great. It’s like we’ve known each other our entire lives, but she was always so go, go, go and sometimes I just needed to stop and breathe.

“Don’t worry, Dad.” Lucy shrugged, shoving a slice of bacon into her mouth. “Ellie and I are having a girl’s day.”

“Come again?” I said automatically.

“You know, Ellie. We’ll get mani/pedis and go to the mall. Maybe we’ll go see a chick flick, or something.”

Pedis? Why would I need a pedicure? It’s zero degrees outside. No one would be seeing my toes until at least July.

When breakfast was done, Lucy gave me thirty minutes to shower. If we were going to get all of our fun in, we’d need to get a move on it.

I took the fastest shower in my life, which was also the coldest because our hot water was still not working. And when I got back into my room, the underwire of my bra popped out and stabbed me in the ribs. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” Lucy stuck her head into my room, a tube of mascara in her hand as her eyebrows were lifted with concern.

“Lucy!” I wasn’t sure why I got so shy, but there was something about someone looking into my room when I was only in my bra and underwear that made uneasy.

“We’ve got the same bits, Ellie.” She replied. “Why did you say fuck?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re so nosey.” I mumbled. “My bra broke.”

She smiled. “Oh, good!”

Now I was the one raising my eyebrows. “You’re happy my bra broke?”

“Now we can go bra shopping.” She clapped her hands together. “Bra shopping is my favorite.”

Bra shopping was my least favorite thing. Well, I wouldn’t say it was my least favorite thing. I never really thought much about it. If I needed a new bra, I’d just go to Target, or some place like that. I wasn’t like some girls who needed to spend fifty bucks on some miracle worker that lifted their tits up to their eyes.

“Oh, I’m so excited now.” She grinned. “I still need to get something for Max for Christmas, so this works out perfectly.”

“What does me needing a bra have to do with Max’s Christmas present?”

She just smiled before turning back into her room.

~~

“Did you like the color I picked for you?” Lucy asked as our hands sat under the driers. We’d been at the nail salon for almost an hour and my head was killing me from the fumes.

I had to pull my hands out to take a look, not that I really needed to. The color she picked out wasn’t exactly exciting. It was a nude shade, nearly the same tone as my skin. “I guess.”

She smiled, which sort of sketched me out. “Do you know why I picked that color out?”

“Um…” I looked down at my fingernails as if they would give me the answer. “Because you think I’m boring?”

She gasped, her jaw hanging open as she looked over at me. “Ellie, it was your clue…For the Secret Santa.”

I was still confused. Lucy had this nasty habit of making everything more complicated than it needed to be. “Is...Uh…My person’s favorite place a nail salon?”

Her face fell into a frown. “I told you to read the name of the polish.” She mumbled before getting out of her seat. She walked over to the wall of colors, quickly searching for the bottle the woman had used on me. Once she found it, she brought it over and slammed it on the counter in front of me.

“Bare it in Trafalgar Square?” I quirked an eyebrow. “Lucy, Trafalgar Square was what I wrote.”

Her smile grew by the second. “You’re not the only one.”

So my person’s favorite place was also Trafalgar Square? I wasn’t quite sure why. The only reason I wrote it down was because I didn’t know any other places. Sure, I could have risked writing down Stardust and having someone buy me a gift card to visit the goblins again, or I could have wrote down Avant-Garb, but that could have gotten weird, so I picked the first normal place that popped into my head.

“Have you thought about what you’re getting your person yet?” Lucy asked as she stood up, tucking her purse under her arm as we walked out the door.

If we were being honest, I hadn’t. I really didn’t understand what these clues were supposed to do. My person was a Christmas freak who liked Trafalgar Square. What was I supposed to get for them? A Christmas sweater? I wasn’t even sure if it was a girl or a boy. That’s why I decided—right then and there—that I was buying them a gift card to Starbucks because everyone liked Starbucks, and if they didn’t, then I really didn’t care. “I have an idea.”

“Are you going to tell me?” She pressed.

If she wasn’t talking so loud, I probably wouldn’t have heard her. We were at the mall—ten days before Christmas—and it was a zoo. Screaming children and stressed out parents, it was dripping with Christmas cheer. Songs about Santa were streaming through the speakers as children begged their parents not to make them sit on his lap. It was things like this that made me wonder why people liked this time of year. “No, Luce. I’m not going to tell you. You’re going to have to wait until the party.”

“You’re such a twat.”

“I really wish people would stop calling me that.” I mumbled.

When I heard Lucy squeal, I realized we were in front of the store. And I guess when she mentioned the mall, I figured I’d be buying a new bra at a department store where some old lady would try to follow me around with a measuring tape. I didn’t expect her to take me into some racy lingerie store. It wasn’t that it made me uncomfortable. I just didn’t need this type of bra. I needed something black, or white, nude even. Something I could wear under my clothes, not to a strip club.

“Lucy, I need a bra.” I groaned as I followed her into the store.

“That’s why we’re here, Ellie.” She smiled. “And Max needs a Christmas present.”

“You’re buying him lingerie?” Once the question left my lips, I realized what Max’s Christmas present actually entailed. “Lucy.”

“He’s a boy, Ellie.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure he’d appreciate me lying on his bed in a naughty Santa costume more than a new sweater, which I already bought him, but that’s not the point.”

I felt like something like this was supposed to be more personal. I didn’t need to know what Lucy was going to wear—or not wear—when she and Max were exchanging Christmas presents on Christmas Eve. I never wanted that mental image in my head.

“Let’s look for you first.” She turned around, smiling. “What are you? 34A?”

My mouth dropped. An A. Did she really think I was an A? “I’m a B, you twat.”

She laughed playfully. “Sorry, Ellie. I forgot not all girls are blessed like me.”

I rolled my eyes and followed her over to a rack. As I turned to face the storefront, I watched two giggling boys walk into the store and suddenly this day got a hell of a lot worse.