Status: Completed.
My Escapade
Letting Go
We all remember our first love. Whether he was the cute guy down the street who talked to you once when you were sixteen and made your knees go weak, or the girl who asked you out in high school and taught you how to live. Whether you were in a relationship with this person you loved, or you kept your love in secret. Whether you’re still together or if you’ve moved on from that person from so long ago, you still remember them. You may not remember them fondly, but you remember them.
My first love was Jaxin Corey Ramirez. Yep, the lead singer of The Escapade. No, I didn’t hear his music and stalk him online and fall in love with him along with other millions of young girls. I knew Jaxin in high school. In fact, he was my best friend. I had little to no friends during high school, but Jaxin had been my friend even before high school. We both bonded over our music, though I had no intention over pursuing my musical abilities past playing for fun. Over time, though, Jaxin and I became to separate, and a part of me couldn’t help but think that it was because that the band was getting big and he didn’t want to be seen with an overweight, metal-mouth, ginger nerd. As soon as I graduated, I said goodbye to my family and closest friends and moved to New York to pursue a writing career. The last thing Jaxin Ramirez had said to me before I left was, “We did it, Rory. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I didn’t know exactly what “it” was. Graduating? The band getting big? But I needed to leave before I got hurt. I left my ends untied in Georgia, and I should have made sure to double knot those ties before leaving to avoid ending up more hurt than I was in high school.
As you all are fairly aware, there has been a lack of exciting, important things to report on here at the Times. So, one of my best friends, knowing the past between Jaxin and I, came up with a story on the spot at a meeting—I find Jaxin Ramirez and break his heart. I look amazingly different than I did in high school, I’ll say it myself. The past few years have blessed me and made up for my lack of physical miracles during adolescence. The Escapade happened to be playing at my friend’s wedding, and, well, the idea of making Jaxin feel pain kind of appealed to me. I wanted to tease him and then break him. Break the person whose impression still remained on me, even after high school.
It started with a meeting. I lied, told him my name was Alison. Not a total lie; it’s my middle name. I got him to like me; he gave me his number. We went on a date, and I kissed him. It was powerful and shocking and amazing and wonderful, and I then got lost in my feelings. Then the second date rolled around. They played a song for me, one that I will not disclose, and I realized that it was a song that I had let Jaxin take for the band, if he gave me credit, which he didn’t. That in itself caused me a great ordeal of pain, you must know. It made me angry, selfish, and crazy. We went on more dates, our relationship then became publicly known. I strung him along for almost 5 months, and when the time came to reveal myself, I wasn’t the one who did it. Well, I did by knocking over a stack of papers. I had, during the night, decided that I liked Jaxin, and didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to let “us” go. But I knocked over a stack of papers, and he saw the draft of this very article—which has since been totally nixed. This is my new version of the article, much less hateful than the one I began writing. Both have totally different goals in them. That one was to spread the news, the glee, that I had managed to get revenge on the boy who had hurt me so much. This one is to talk about first love and the sorrow I feel as I’m letting go of it.
Jaxin, I hope you can forgive me. I’m terribly sorry for what I’ve done to you. If you feel like you need closure (I certainly do), then please feel free to contact me. I feel like I can’t be with anyone else until you and I clear the air. I would hope that one day, we can be friends again. If not, I’m okay with being left of the fond, sad, angry memories of you, my first love.
Listen, you guys. Love is something special. But there are times that you have to let go. Loving someone isn’t always forever. Things change, people change. You could wake up one day and kiss your significant other and feel no spark after five years. Five long, beautiful years, and now this bitterly impassionate kiss. It happens. You just have to go with it. You’ll find someone. It might not be who you expect or when you expect it, but you’ll find it. Jaxin will find it. I’ll find it.
Thanks for reading,
Rory
My first love was Jaxin Corey Ramirez. Yep, the lead singer of The Escapade. No, I didn’t hear his music and stalk him online and fall in love with him along with other millions of young girls. I knew Jaxin in high school. In fact, he was my best friend. I had little to no friends during high school, but Jaxin had been my friend even before high school. We both bonded over our music, though I had no intention over pursuing my musical abilities past playing for fun. Over time, though, Jaxin and I became to separate, and a part of me couldn’t help but think that it was because that the band was getting big and he didn’t want to be seen with an overweight, metal-mouth, ginger nerd. As soon as I graduated, I said goodbye to my family and closest friends and moved to New York to pursue a writing career. The last thing Jaxin Ramirez had said to me before I left was, “We did it, Rory. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I didn’t know exactly what “it” was. Graduating? The band getting big? But I needed to leave before I got hurt. I left my ends untied in Georgia, and I should have made sure to double knot those ties before leaving to avoid ending up more hurt than I was in high school.
As you all are fairly aware, there has been a lack of exciting, important things to report on here at the Times. So, one of my best friends, knowing the past between Jaxin and I, came up with a story on the spot at a meeting—I find Jaxin Ramirez and break his heart. I look amazingly different than I did in high school, I’ll say it myself. The past few years have blessed me and made up for my lack of physical miracles during adolescence. The Escapade happened to be playing at my friend’s wedding, and, well, the idea of making Jaxin feel pain kind of appealed to me. I wanted to tease him and then break him. Break the person whose impression still remained on me, even after high school.
It started with a meeting. I lied, told him my name was Alison. Not a total lie; it’s my middle name. I got him to like me; he gave me his number. We went on a date, and I kissed him. It was powerful and shocking and amazing and wonderful, and I then got lost in my feelings. Then the second date rolled around. They played a song for me, one that I will not disclose, and I realized that it was a song that I had let Jaxin take for the band, if he gave me credit, which he didn’t. That in itself caused me a great ordeal of pain, you must know. It made me angry, selfish, and crazy. We went on more dates, our relationship then became publicly known. I strung him along for almost 5 months, and when the time came to reveal myself, I wasn’t the one who did it. Well, I did by knocking over a stack of papers. I had, during the night, decided that I liked Jaxin, and didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to let “us” go. But I knocked over a stack of papers, and he saw the draft of this very article—which has since been totally nixed. This is my new version of the article, much less hateful than the one I began writing. Both have totally different goals in them. That one was to spread the news, the glee, that I had managed to get revenge on the boy who had hurt me so much. This one is to talk about first love and the sorrow I feel as I’m letting go of it.
Jaxin, I hope you can forgive me. I’m terribly sorry for what I’ve done to you. If you feel like you need closure (I certainly do), then please feel free to contact me. I feel like I can’t be with anyone else until you and I clear the air. I would hope that one day, we can be friends again. If not, I’m okay with being left of the fond, sad, angry memories of you, my first love.
Listen, you guys. Love is something special. But there are times that you have to let go. Loving someone isn’t always forever. Things change, people change. You could wake up one day and kiss your significant other and feel no spark after five years. Five long, beautiful years, and now this bitterly impassionate kiss. It happens. You just have to go with it. You’ll find someone. It might not be who you expect or when you expect it, but you’ll find it. Jaxin will find it. I’ll find it.
Thanks for reading,
Rory
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks to the ghost of you; for commenting. :]One more chapter left, you guys.
This
is
it.
<3