My Escapade

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do,” Ethan said. We were on the subway ride home. We had to leave early so we could get ready for the dinner; the wedding was tomorrow. “I’m making a list of things you cannot do.” He tapped his pen on his notepad.

I looked over. The title? “Rory’s Guide to Boys.” As if I had never dated before. I mean, I wasn’t some invalid when it came to boys! Look at Anthony from The Black Kettle.

I sniffed indignantly, but didn’t say anything.

“Okay, first thing.” Ethan uncapped his pen and began writing. “When he approaches, look interested. Five minutes into the conversation, blow him off. Especially if he’s talking about something important.”

I nodded obediently.

“He’s going to be a little down. Then, right at the end of the night, he’ll pursue you one last time, for his ego’s sake. You’ll ask for his number, tell him you’ll call if you can—then leave.”

I nodded once more.

“Don’t do anything for a few days. I’ll find out where he hangs out, you can bump into him. Tell him you lost his number—he’ll think he’s not important to you. He’ll spend the rest of the time trying to win you over.”

Insert nodding. At this point, I was beginning to feel like a bobble-head.

“You’ll call him two days later,” Ethan continued, pen flying across the page. “He’ll take you somewhere nice—at this point, he’s put so much into his conquest. He’s not gonna let you go easily.”

As a feminist, I was offended at being referred to as a “conquest”. But I was a feminist who really needed this break. I sighed.

“He’ll take you home when the night is over. Give him a peck—it’s a taste, but nothing more. He’ll be tantalized as you open your door—don’t look back, now.”

I looked at him, eyes raised.

“Then, at the end of the next date, give him a kiss—a big kiss.”

I groaned. “Fuck.”

He looked up. “What? You want this job, right? Besides, as far as covers go, this one ain’t bad. You get to make out with a rockstar.”

“Fuck.”

“Hush.”

The rest of the subway ride was spent with Ethan coaching me, and I was so wrapped up in what he was saying that I almost missed my stop.

“I’ll give you the list at the dinner tonight,” he promised.

--

“Oh, Emily,” I gushed to my friend, standing before me in all her pre-wedding glory, “you look amazing!”

Emily grinned at me, showing off her smile. Her black dress went nicely with her black hair, and if you looked at it from the back, you couldn’t tell where the dress stopped and the hair began. Her green eyes shined at me with delight. “Thanks, Rory.” She gave me a hug.

“Can you believe tomorrow’s the big day?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “Nope. It took so long to get here, but it seems like it popped up out of nowhere. I’m just glad all the preparations are done. Now I can relax.” She sighed.

“What about the honeymoon?” I winked.

Ethan appeared next to her as if he had a sixth sense. He always seems to appear when sex comes up in conversations. “Oh, don’t you worry about that. I’ve taken care of everything. If all goes as planned, we’ll have a spectacular time.”

Diana, who was passing by and heard this, let out an audible, “Ew.”

I nodded and pointed at Di. “What she said.” I followed Diana to the long dining table, and I sat down next to her.

“Ready for tomorrow?” she asked, a wicked glint in her eyes.

Once again, as if on cue, Ethan appeared. “I almost forgot to give this to you,” he whispered, handing me a folded-up paper. I unfolded it, and it was my so-called “guide”, covered in writing. “Good luck tomorrow.”

I slipped the paper inside of my purse. “No, I’m not ready yet,” I answered Di’s question honestly. “I feel kind of bad. I don’t function like that. Like a tease.”

Diana shrugged. “It won’t be that hard. Just act like me.”

“The point is not to sleep with him, Di,” I teased.

“Just shut up.”