A Double Life

It was Friday after school, and I had just gotten home. My mother worked late on Fridays, and would not be home until around 8 o’clock, sometimes even later. Friday was my favourite day. School ended at three, and with only a five-minute walk from the school to my house I had five hours alone. Five hours in which I could be myself without any lies.
I made my way to my bedroom. The brown wooden door had a piece of paper on it. I remember putting it up several years ago, and I knew my handwriting had improved and the sign would be far more readable had I redone it. I just never bothered, and those who cared to read it would understand it. “Siobhan’s room. Do not enter!!!”
I opened the room, and as soon as the door was locked behind me I threw off the black high heels my mother had bought me. I hated those boots, but I could not tell my mother because all girls liked these kinds of shoes. Opening the zipper on the side of the equally black skirt, I let it slip down to the floor, and stepped out of it. I pulled the floral blouse off of my body, and threw it together with the other items of clothing, all bought by my mother. Not wanting to wear them another second, I got out of my bra and panties as well, standing in front of the mirror, loathing what I saw. It was just wrong. My long, blonde hair made me look far too feminine, and the green plastic glasses I had to wear in order to see just made me look like a dork. But that was not the worst. The curves were worse, and how I loathed the curves.
Sometimes I wanted to just chop off all my hair, but I knew my mother would forbid it. She wanted me to be everything girly, and I could do nothing but to obey. She could not know my secret.
I moved my eyes from the mirror, and at a box barely visible underneath my bed. I got down on my knees, and pulled it out, placed it on my bed and opened it. The old clothes my brother had outgrown were neatly folded. My mother had told me to throw them out, because they were all pretty worn out, but I had instead hid them in my room for days like this, for Fridays.
A pair of blue silky boxers and a pair of too big jeans felt so much better on my body. What I did next, I knew was not a good idea. It made it harder to breath, but I had to. The black tape was a good replacement when a real binder was not available. When I pulled a black T-shirt on, my chest looked almost flat, and when the grey jacket came above it, you could not tell it was there if unaware. When my brother’s old cap was hiding my hair, it was hard to tell who I was. I smiled at the new reflection in the mirror, feeling much better.

My legs moved quickly as I walked through the streets. Was someone looking? Did they know? Could they tell? What if they recognised me? Was my hair properly disguised? My fears were endless. What if someone talked to me and thought my voice was too high?
I entered a small coffee shop, feeling like something warm to drink could be nice. The queue was not too long, and soon it was my turn to order. The young woman standing behind the counter smiled brightly.
“What can I get you, sir?”
My smile grew big as she called me sir. “A coffee, please. Black,” I said, trying to keep my voice a few notes lower than normal. The woman did not seem to notice, and my confidence grew a mile.
“Alright. May I have your name, and we’ll call you up when it’s done?”
I nodded. I had a name ready, and it was not Siobhan. “I’m Howard,” I said and smiled slightly at the name I had given her. I rather liked that name, and as I showed the green plastic glasses further up my nose, I made my way to the first free table.
Five minutes passed and a few names were called up. It took me a second to react when my name was called. “Howard!” the young woman behind the counter called, and as I looked around, I realised that it was my name. I got out of my seat and walked over to the counter, paid for the coffee and thank her.

My next stop was the library. I knew one of the girls who worked there, but only as Siobhan. I wondered if she would recognise me. I hoped not, it was a big chance I was taking. If she figured out who I was, she could possibly tell my mother. She would not be pleased.
I was not recognised, but when I saw Christopher Boone walking around, I knew I had to get away. Christopher would surely recognise me. I was almost certain he would, and I could not let him know. Therefore I ran, my breath getting heavier than usual because of the black tape.

It was 7:30 PM when I made my way home from walking around in the city. I was tired and my stomach was starting to growl. I knew my mother would be home soon, and that meant only one thing. I had to undress as Howard and redress as Siobhan. Then it would be another week of hell, before I could let go again and just be me.