Save Yourself (I'll Hold Them Back)

And so, once again, I had made him cry. His flaming red hair covered his eyes and all I could see of his face was a small part of his tearstained cheek. I knew I’d gone too far, and like always I immediately felt sorry as soon as he stopped yelling and broke down crying. It was just so hard down here, in yet another temporary hideout, living in such close quarters and trying to ignore the constant threat of discovery.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I know you tried. I didn’t mean it, I know it wasn’t your fault he got ghosted.”

“No, you were right. I’ll always blame myself for that. And for-for so many of the things we’ve done.”

“Nobody can win out here in the desert. All we can do is fight ‘til the end.”

He nodded and reached his arms out towards me. I grabbed him in a hug and we stood like that a while, both of us wrapped up in our own thoughts. I was thinking of dreams I’d half-forgotten, and longing for the day that we could stop running, far away, when suddenly the radio crackled to life.

“Listen up! Killjoys, do you copy? This is Dr. D letting you know that there are dracs heading your way! I repeat, dracs HEADING YOUR WAY! Get out while you can, boys.” Poison and I exchanged a look and I grabbed the battered transmitter from the empty oil barrel we were using as a make shift table.

“Dr D! This is Fun Ghoul coming in. Any idea how long we got?”

“Hey there little guy,” I smirked at his irreverence, “I don’t know exactly but I can tell you they’re close, coming up from east side Battery City. Get on the highway as soon as you can and head out to a deserted zone. They’re armed to the teeth boys; they’re out for blood tonight.”

“Thanks man, we’ll clear up here and move out. See you when the coast is clear.” I slammed the receiver down and headed over to the corner where we’d stashed our few remaining possessions. I grabbed my ray gun and tucked it into my holster along with a silent prayer that I wouldn’t need it.

“Where are Kobra and Jet-star at?” I yelled over my shoulder. Poison was pulling down the flag and whispering quietly to himself.

“Uh, scouting for supplies, I think-”

“Cigarettes,” he interjected.

“Hm. They said they’d be back around sun down but no sign, I’ll try and get ‘em on the radio when I’m done here.”

“Got it. What do you reckon, do we burn this one?” I gestured at the hideout. Pretty often we burned them down just to be sure we didn’t leave any clues as to where we were headed, but also to leave a mark. Let them know the killjoys were right there, under their noses.

“If we got the time. You got the kerosene?” I smirked at him.

“I’m always ready to set it on fire, baby.” He laughed to himself and went back to clearing. I was just about done, so I picked up the radio again and set it to the right frequency.

“Jet-star! Kobra Kid! Come in!” Nothing. Just static. I shot a glance at Poison but he was humming to himself and didn’t notice anything. I tried again.

“Jet-star! Kobra! This is Fun Ghoul, do you copy?” Once again, the only reply I got was a sharp buzz. I wasn’t too worried just yet because down here the transmissions often got lost. We could try again when we got above ground. One last sweep to make sure I hadn’t left anything and I was all set.

“You done? Let’s get outta here.”

“Well I think I’m alright,” he looked about him mischievously, “Just one more thing.” I looked at him quizzically.

“What else?”

He smiled and crossed the short distance across the dug out. Oh, I thought, I know what I forgot.

“Baby,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around me, “Remember, if we don’t get out of this one alive-”

“We will,” I murmured, drawing him closer.

“If we don’t, just remember, I’ll love you forever. We’ll live forever , afterwards.”
I kissed him hard on the lips and felt his hands in my hair and on my back, pressing me close until there was no distance left between us. For a moment we weren’t two people, we were one, united against the enemy, against the dracs, against monochrome, against the scarecrow, against fucking BL/Ind. And then we broke apart, busying ourselves once again. I picked up the gas can.

“You ready? I’ll start at the door and we can get out the back.” I didn’t wait for an answer. I covered the place, making sure to get everything soaked. I checked to see where Poison was and saw him there behind me, wrinkling his nose at the smell. That adorable nose.

“Got a match?”

“Right here,” he said, handing me one. I struck it on the wall and grabbed hold of his hand.

“3, 2, 1!” I threw the match onto the floor and we ran. Still holding his hand, I lead the way through the narrow caves that led to the surface. We went as fast as we could for a couple of minutes, lit up by the flames and conscious that a second too late and we’d fry, or choke up from the fumes or lack of oxygen. Once the kerosene was burned up, all the garbage and broken up wood we’d found down here would be sure to set alight. It could go on all night. We definitely weren’t the first team to make use of these caves and, these days, everybody left in a hurry.

“Okay, I think we can slow down now,” I panted, once the fire was just a glow in the distance, for now. “Anyway, might be better to keep it down just in case they’re waiting for us.”

“Aw, no way Ghouly, Dr. D said they were coming up east side, that’s gonna take another
half hour at least.”

“We can’t afford to take risks right now, baby. If we go down I want to take down a few of them with me.” He gave a hollow laugh and we went ahead, slower now. We were pretty
close, I thought, just another couple of yards and-

“Here, got it. I can feel the ladder.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

I went first, tentatively feeling my way up the rope ladder that someone had hastily tied together. It was about three or four yards up and then I was at the big, wooden table top that covered the exit to the surface.

Then, just as I was about to push it aside, the silence was broken by an ear splitting scream.

“Motherfuck!” Whispered Poison from somewhere below me, “How did they get there so fast?”

“I don’t know, I-” I was panicked. Now that I was listening carefully I could hear quiet chatter and muffled footsteps, “Shit.”

“How the fuck we gonna get out of this one? Sounds like they got the place surrounded.”

“Shh, I’m thinking. We don’t have long. I think we’re gonna have to get to exit 12, and hope they don’t have that one covered.”

“Exit 12?! That comes out right by one of their bases! We don’t stand a chance!”

“We’re gonna have to risk it. Hopefully if they’re all here we can get past the lookouts they’ve left behind.”

“Ohh man. Okay let’s go.”

We headed back the way we came and turned back the way we came. It was getting hard to breathe and I was sweating in the heat. In my pockets I was crossing my fingers that we’d even get to the exit, let alone make it out alive. A little way along and we turned off into the tiny passage that led to the door. We had to go single file, and I let go of his hand. After two long minutes of struggling through the tunnel, the rough walls scraping against the leather of my already battered jacket, I could see a little flashing red light. And not a moment too soon, I thought.

“Alright, there’s the door,” I whispered over my shoulder. Now that we were a little way from our old base the air was clearer, and it was easier to breathe. I went through to the hollowed-out area by the door and turned to face my boy. He looked me in the eye and I could tell he was terrified. For all his attitude, for all the stuff he said about living forever and all the stories he made up about being bulletproof, and immortal, he was the one who feared death the most out of all of us. His fantasy world was just a construct to make sure he didn’t have to face reality, and his imagination was his shield from this place. He was the only person I’d ever met who took charcoal from the ashes and drew cities and superheroes on the cave walls. He was amazing.

“Oh baby, we’re gonna be okay. I know it.”

“And what about Kobra and Jet? Where are they?” It had been in the back of my mind the whole time, but since we’d heard the dracs I had thought them lucky for being out there and not down here, surrounded.

“They probably saw them coming and headed away down the highway. We’ll catch them up as soon as we get out.”

“If we get out.” I was aware that we’d swapped roles. Now I was reassuring him that we’d make it out.

“We will, I believe in us.” I grabbed his hands and pulled him towards me, kissing him as though it was the last time. His face was wet and I realised he was crying again. He cried so often these days, from fear, from hopelessness, for all the people we left behind. “Don’t,”
I whispered, “We’ll be fine.”

One last kiss, and we were out of time. The air was getting thick again and we had to get out. Fast.

“Die with your mask on if you’ve got to.” Dr Death-Defying’s words rang in my ears as I snapped Poison’s mask into place and he lifted my bandana to cover my mouth and nose.

My hand on the door, I nodded to Poison. He nodded back and I pushed the door, and ran out, ray gun first.

The distinctive white box bearing the BL/Ind logo loomed ahead of me. To my right were four dracs, their masks rendering them indistinguishable from one another. To my left was a dirty looking red sports car. I looked closer, and there on the side I could see the word “Jet-star” scrawled in bright yellow. JetStar and the Kobra Kid must be here! But where?

Then I saw them. Right ahead, at the corner of the building, Kobra’s bright blonde hair was just visible. Shit, what was he doing? Surely they weren’t coming back for us? Of course they fucking were. I groaned inwardly and looked back towards the dracs. They were looking in our direction! Thank god it was dark. I calculated that if we moved right away then we could get to the car before they had time to react, and if we went fast enough and kept the guns ready maybe we could take down a couple of them in the process. We had to try.

“Okay, head for the car!”

“Ghoul, I don’t know if I can do this! I don’t wanna go down!”

“For the last time! We ain’t going down tonight!” I grabbed him and ran for the car. The dracs had lightning responses though, and probably night vision too, so as soon as we moved they were after us. I could hear shots being fired and I squeezed Poison’s hand harder. We had to make it, not much further now-

“Kobra!” My head spun around at Poison’s scream. Why was he calling for his brother now? I couldn’t see then other half of our team any more through the dust we were kicking up, but I could see the reinforcement dracs. Damn. We were gonna have to fight. I fired randomly into the night, and hoped with all my being that I didn’t hit Kobra or Jet. Still running, I scanned the side of the building for any sign of them.

“Kobra, no!”

I followed Poison’s line of vision and there he was again, Jet close behind, running right into the thick of the enemy. Surely not?

But they were. They were going to sacrifice themselves for us. They must have seen us and knew what was coming. I could see brightly coloured laser beams going off in all directions and recognised them to be Kobra’s. Taking them down with him, just like we always said we would. I was still moving, still shooting, and so was Poison, but we no longer had to worry for ourselves. The dracs knew we’d gotten too far towards the car and had turned all their attentions to Jet and Kobra. We really were gonna be fine, but there was no way they were going to get out alive.

“No! No, no, no, no...” I could hear Gerard sob as he looked on at the destruction. “Oh Kobra, my baby brother.”

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m so, so sorry.” I looked at the ground and I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks. We always said we’d go down in flames, but you could never be prepared. We’d had stopped moving, but then we heard Jet’s distinctive voice ring out;

“Save yourselves! We’ll hold them back!”

He was right, there was nothing we could do, so with one parting shot I sprinted the last few yards and jumped into the car. I took the wheel and dragged Poison in beside me.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go.” I started up the engine with the keys that were still in the ignition and we sped off along the highway. For miles I could still hear the distant gunshots ringing in my ears.

Bad news from the zones tumbleweeds
It looks like Jet-Star and the Kobra kid
Had a clap with an exterminator that went all Costa Rica
And uh got themselves ghosted, dusted out on route Guano
So it's time to hit the red-line and up thrust volume out there
Keep your boots tight, keep your gun close
And die with your mask on if you've got to
Here is the Traffic

Right now!
I hope you’re ready for a firefight
Cause the devil’s got your number tonight
(They say) We’re never leaving this place alive
But if we sing these words we’ll never die

Get off the ledge and turn the knife
Not a victim of a victim’s life
Because this ain’t a room full of suicides
We’re believers, I believe tonight

We can leave this world,
Leave it all behind
We can steal this car if your folks don’t mind
We can live forever if you’ve got the time

Na na na na na (x2)
If you save yourself tonight
Na na na na na (x2)
If you save yourself tonight

I’ll tell you all how the story ends
Well the good guys die and the bad guys win (who cares!)
It ain’t about all the friends you’ve made
But the graffiti they write on your grave

For all of us who have seen the light
Salute the dead and leave the fight (Oh hell!)
Who gives a damn if we lose the war!
Let the walls come down, let the engines roar!

We can leave this world,
Leave it all behind
We can steal this car if you folks don’t mind
We can live forever if you’ve got the time

I’m the only friend that makes you cry
You’re a heart attack in black hair dye
So just save yourself and
I’ll hold them back tonight

Are ya’ll ready where you are?
If you save yourself tonight
They’ll be coming for you
Can you save yourself tonight?
Right now!
Cannot hold them back!

We can leave this world,
Leave it all behind
We can steal this car if your folks don’t mind
We can live forever if you’ve got the time

You motherfucker! (whoa)

You’re the broken glass in the morning light
Be a burning star if it takes all night
So just save yourself and
I’ll hold them back tonight