Love, Me

I watched from the window of my home, brushing away the condensation from the glass when I could no longer see the end of the driveway. Anticipating and hopeful, I waited for the mail lady to drive up in her car, pull up to my mailbox and stuff a handful of envelopes inside so I could run out like an over-excited child to get it.

I wasn’t sure if the letter I was waiting for would even arrive but it was worth the possibility of catching a cold from walking out in the middle of a mild snow storm, it was worth fighting against the wind that made howling noises against the windows of my home, hell, it was even worth the possibility of slipping on the ice that was currently lining my driveway in a deadly sheet.

Outside, the world was dark due to the hovering clouds hurling three inches of delicate looking snow to the ground. Snowflakes danced outside, whirling in the wind before crashing to the already crusted snow. It wasn’t even Thanksgiving but I didn’t mind; Snow made everything so beautiful.

Headlights pulling up made me jump out of my thoughts. Outside, the familiar car belonging to the mail lady perched beside metal mailbox.

I ran to the front door, tugging my tall boots over my pajama bottoms that I had no intention of changing out of. I ripped my hideous muddy-green coat from its place on the hook and shrugged it on over my sweater. I almost tipped over in my frenzy but I caught myself on the wall and wrapped my scarf around my neck sloppily. As I pulled open the heavy door, I threw my dark gray, knit hat over my head, pulling the earflaps into their appropriate places.

Nick had an identical one to it, we’d both worn it in our Christmas card picture last year and despite how cheesy it sounded, the photo turned out half decent. Everyone had claimed we looked so adorable together and at the time I had just blushed and waved them away with a motion of my hand.

I pulled the lapels of my too large coat closer to me as snow stung my cheeks and as the wind dried out my exposed skin almost instantly.

By the time I reached the mailbox, the bright red taillights of the mail lady’s car had faded in the distance. I dusted the already crusted snow from the handle with my bare hands before yanking it open. Inside sat a single letter and written on it was, Delaney Evers in familiar handwriting.

My heart rate went up as soon as I saw it lying there oh-so-elegantly. A bright smile plastered itself on my face. With a burst of excitement I gripped it and hurried back into my home.

Stripping myself of winter gear, I looked around. Christmas decorations that I had only started hanging up that morning were lit up, glowing off of the squeaky clean tiling lining the front foyer. False pine boughs were gracing the cherry wood banister of the staircase, paired with red bows and matching berries. I thought it would look hideous as I was tacking it up but it looked stunning now that I’d put it all together.

I liked Christmas and with Thanksgiving only a day away, I couldn’t resist the urge to start stringing the fragile ornaments that I’d been collecting for years. I wasn’t planning on celebrating the nearest holiday so I didn’t see an issue with getting a head start on decorating; My mother was off to England for the next two months to visit my ill aunt, my father had never been in the picture and I wasn’t as close to my other family as others were. The only person who I’d been spending the holidays with for the past five years was now off in some location that changed almost daily. It wasn’t his fault though and I honestly didn’t mind. Nicholas deserved to be touring with his band and beside that, he would be home for Christmas, the one holiday I truly wanted him home for.

I walked to the living room, plopping down on the beige sofa that Nick and I had picked out together. With cold fingers, I tore open the envelope and pulled the folded notebook paper out, smiling at the sight of Nick’s sloppy handwriting. We’d promised to write until he came home and so far, that promise had gone unbroken.

His words were so carefully chosen, so elegantly written so-to-speak despite his anything but elegant handwriting.

I pulled my notebook and pen from the coffee table before me and touched the ink to the college-ruled paper.

Dear Nicholas,

I’m glad to hear touring is going so splendidly. I know you feel terrible for not being here to help me plan things out but everything is going so well. Trust me; you’ll be impressed to see the progress I’ve been making despite not having you here to help.

I don’t know why you’re asking me about Thanksgiving. I already told you that I’m fine not celebrating it this year. There’s always next year and beside that, it wouldn’t feel right to follow tradition without you here. Five years doesn’t seem that long thinking back, but I can’t picture doing any holidays without you by my side. It’s like trying to replace sugar with salt- it simply doesn’t work.

I will answer one question that you’ve asked though: What am I thankful for? It should be obvious, Love:

You.

I’m thankful for you this year, as I was the year before, and the year before that. I’m thankful for our wonderful friends and the success you’ve earned. I’m thankful for the house we have together and even those silly figurines your aunt Hannah gave us for a house-warming gift- I know they’re not the prettiest things in the world but she’s such a nice lady, I can’t help but keep them. I’m thankful for the mornings when we stay in bed for an extra hour just to hold each other and stare at the ceiling and for the unexpected visits we get from your friends that seem to happen at the worst times.

I’m still most thankful for you though and I always will be, Nicholas.

I know you won’t get this until well after Thanksgiving but what are you thankful for this year?

Love,
Me.

Without hesitation, I tucked the newly written letter in a fresh envelope and addressed it properly before trudging back outside, tucking it in the metal mailbox. I put the bright red flag up, crossing my slowly freezing fingers in hopes that the wind wouldn’t knock it down.

The neighbors, if they happened to look out of their frost-covered windows, would think I had lost some of my sanity but I didn’t want to wait. Having my letter sit out in the mailbox, waiting two days to get picked up, was better than watching it sit on the counter.

I smiled lightly to myself before walking back inside with a little sadness lingering over me that despite saying that I didn’t mind, it was heartbreaking not having my fiancé home for tomorrow.



Cuddling deeper into my cotton-stuffed pillows, I opened my eyes to see his side of the bed empty as it had been the day before. I touched his pillow softly, and despite his absence, I could still faintly smell his cologne. I, Delaney Evers, the girl who had once thought that I would never miss a guy, was now almost desperately missing Nicholas Santino. I almost felt ashamed for letting my old self go but I couldn’t help my feelings. The boy had me wrapped around his finger and he didn’t know it. I wouldn’t allow him to.

Sunlight poured in through the venetian blinds that I failed to close before I fell asleep, telling me that the snow storm was officially over.

I didn’t feel like getting up, all of my motivation for the day was gone. My Thanksgiving was going to be spent in bed until I got hungry enough to go fix myself something to eat.

The doorbell rang though, forcing my plans for the day to go out the window.

With a frown, I pushed myself up and in my gray sweats, pair of classic white socks and an over-sized gray cardigan that seemed to put an even more of a damper to my outfit, trudged with heavy footsteps downstairs. Pulling my gray hat from its spot by my coat on, I crossed the short distance to the front door. With fumbling fingers, I unlatched the deadbolt and pulled open the door.

All air seemed to be sucked out of the environment surrounding me as my eyes landed on Nick. For a second I thought I was dreaming but he shifted his weight, rubbing his hands together after flipping the collar of his black peacoat jacket up. “Are you going to watch me turn to ice, Delaney?” he asked, a teasing smile playing about his lips.

I didn’t reply. Instead, I lunged forward, my arms snaking around his neck. “I can’t believe you’re here!” I cried excitedly, pressing multiple kisses to his lips before pulling away to see his friends, Justin, Halvo and Andrew standing behind him with goober grins on their faces. I stepped back inside the house, pulling the door open wide and telling them to come in.

I managed to hug each of them as they entered, each holding dishes filled with food. “I can’t believe this, you guys! What are you doing home? You’re not supposed to even be on the east coast for another week!”

Nick turned from hanging his coat up beside mine with a sincere smile. “It was a surprise! Did you honestly think that I would miss Thanksgiving?”

I shrugged, pulling him into another hug and pressing my lips to his before following Andrew into the dining room where the boys were already setting the good china out. “You guys have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Oh, I think we do,” Justin said with a smile, walking over and pulling my hat off, messing my brunette waves in the process. He slipped it on his own head. “It’s so cold here compared to Albuquerque!” he exclaimed before tugging me forward and pulling my chair out for me as Halvo set the shiny silverware next to the plate in front of me.

“Is that where you guys just came from?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Andrew stated with a smile, sitting across from me.

I smiled widely as Nick took his place beside me, his own smile reflecting in his pools of dark brown eyes.



Nick caught my wrist as I cleaned off the table and carried the plates into the kitchen. Halvo, Eric and Andrew had taken their leave after spending the whole day at our house, each taking their turns to shower after eating dinner with us.

I turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “We can clean them up in the morning,” he stated, taking the plates from my hands and setting them back on the table. He dug in his pocket and pulled out a folded envelope that I recognized from just last night.

He glanced up as he flipped open the envelope flap and pulled out the letter that I had just written. It was obvious that he’d already read it but his eyes grazed over my scrawled words for a second time before he glanced up to me again with a smile tugging at his lips. “Those figurines are hideous,” he admitted with a light chuckle.

I laughed lightly too touching my hand to my forehead, looking down to the carpeting before meeting my eyes with his once again. The silver band of my engagement ring felt cool against my skin in the brief second it had touched it.

“I’m not very good with words, so I’ll show what I’m thankful for,” he said.

I furrowed my brow and was about to call his bluff but he pulled me close to him. “I’m thankful for being able to do this,” he whispered into my hair, hugging me tighter. He lowered his head, pressing a light kiss to my collar bone. “I’m thankful to be able to do this,” he whispered against my skin, causing goose bumps to rise where his breath touched me. I smiled widely. “I’m thankful for this,” he said, touching his lips tenderly to mine. His fingers laced with my hand, gripping my engagement ring that he had given me. “And I’m thankful that you said you would be my wife.” He twisted the pretty silver band around my finger slightly causing the light to catch the small diamond. A wide smile fell over his face. “I love you, Baby. You’re what I’m thankful for too.”

I grinned at him, bending my fingers to lace with his once again before leaning against his solid chest. “Thank you for making this the best Thanksgiving, Nick. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied before leading me upstairs, flicking the lights off as we went.