Death is Black and White

I'd like to believe that everything that's been happening has been my imagination. My really fucked up imagination. I think I'd rather be certifiably insane at this point than admit that I think there's a ghost in my house. And admitting it makes me feel insane, so.

But I can't get the images of her out of my head. I can't get the whispering to go away. Sometimes when I'm just sitting in the den, watching television or sketching, it just comes. That rushed whispering sound that sounds like a recording going backwards.

So I draw her.

And I paint her, and I color her in, and my sketchbook is nearly filled with pictures of a little girl that isn't supposed to exist. Ever since Josh suggested that she's a demon, I feel less and less like Lotty really wants my help. But I don't know anything about demons.

My dad got me a wig for Christmas. It's a shoulder-length, bright pink bob-like thing. I hate to admit that I like to wear it. Dad's been a little easier on me since Mom got off the hook with a warning and a huge-ass fine. Oops. Whatever.

I feel like I'm in rehab or something. I'm not allowed to leave my dad's house, and it's not like anyone has come to see me... But I guess it's a turn for the better? I don't know, I'm trying to look on the bright side of things. Even if there hardly is one. Mom won't talk to me. Miranda won't talk to me. My friends won't talk to me. It makes me wonder if I should apologize. But I don't think I'm feeling that much better...

So five days before New Years, I sit down to do another sketch of Lotty. I sit on the floor beneath the window and open up my sketchbook. The drawings give me the creeps, even if I did create them. I lift my head and catch a wiff of something. Looking around, I realize it's me. I really need to shower....

So I leave my stuff on the floor and grab some clothes, including my favorite sweatshirt. I tuck my hair into a shower cap (Dad doesn't want me to wash my hair until I get my stitches out, so I just wash the front of my hair in the sink at night) and wait for the water to get really hot. I try to make the shower quick so I can get back to my drawing (or at least start it, ha.).

You do realize you're going insane?

Fuck. I almost drop the bar of soap, because I haven't argued with my more logical self in ages.

"Shut up," I mumble, trying to think of other things.

Then out of nowhere I just giggle. Like some mad, insane fucking-psycho. Just a little giggle, like an I'm-better-than-you-and-so-I-find-your-pain-kind-of-funny giggle. And it scares the shit out of me, so I shut off the water (which I've just been standing under like an idiot for maybe ten minutes) and get dressed. For the first time since I've gotten here, I want to call Sam. I need to call Sam.

I go into my room and pull off my shower-cap, then I head straight to my closet for my wig. I twist my hair into a bun (Or at least what's left of it.) and turn around to get a look in the mirror.

Behind me, someone's sitting on my bed. I scream and drop the wig, then turn around.

"What the hell Josh!?" I snap.

He laughs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!"

"God, for a second I thought you were--" I stop short. For a second I thought he was Lotty.

His smile fades and he tilts his head. "You thought I was who?"

"No one. Er, a rapist or something. Jeez, just leave it alone, okay?"

I expect him to laugh, or at least to do something normal, but he just stares at me. "You've been drawing her."

He points to the sketchbook on the floor and I blush a little, embarrassed. "Well, it's my sketchbook, isn't it? I can draw whatever I want to."

He ignores me. "Have you talked to Miranda lately?"

"No," I say, putting my wig back on. "She hasn't made an effort to talk to me, why should I do her a favor? And why?"

"Because she's talked to me," he says.

"So? Wait. She barely knows you! What the fuck?"

Josh shakes his head. "I ran into her at the hospital, when I came back. You were sleeping when I came, so I went to the cafeteria with her and we had a talk about...you know."

Despite the serious topic, my stomach does a backflip. He came to see me!

"So, she says she's never seen Lotty, but she's heard her? Do you know what she's talking about?"

My bad mood suddenly dissapates. "Yeah, actually! I think. I mean, I hear these, um, whisper things."

I describe the incident when Lotty took my paper and tried to talk to me. When I'm done, he leans back agains my headrest and sighs. "That's...it's just really weird. I wish we could have a way to communicate with her, you know?"

I nod, then after a while I realize there is a way. "But we can!" I almost shout. "We have a Ouija Board!"

He raises an eyebrow. "Aren't those really bad? Especially when we could be dealing with a demon?"

I roll my eyes. "Josh, could you leave this demon crap alone? It's kind of scary."

"Well good!" he says. "Maybe then you'll be motivated to get rid of the thing!"

I sigh. "Whatever. So are you in?"

After a while, he agrees. "Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

"Score!" I cheer, pumping my fist in the air. "But first, we need to talk to Miranda."
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"No, just hear me out!" I shout into the reciever, but hear a click nonetheless. I turn to Josh. "The bitch hung up."

He sighs. "I think we need to talk to her in person."

I bite my lip. "I don't know if Dad's gonna let me out of the house..."

"Could you just ask? Please?" He puts a hand on my arm. "There's no way she's going to listen on the phone."

I continue chewing on my lip but stand. I motion for him to follow me, and we find my dad in the kitchen, making pizza.

"Is Josh staying for dinner?" He asks.

"Um," I look at him and he shrugs. "I guess. But I was wondering...do you mind if Josh and I stop at home to get a coupld of things?"

Dad stops kneading dough and looks at us. "Um, no. I don't have time to drive you."

I sigh. "We'll take a bus. I have money..."

"You won't be back in time for dinner then."

"I don't mind cold pizza..." I say, even though I do. I hate cold pizza.

My dad just shakes his head. "You know what? Do whatever you want."

"Cool, thanks," I say, not falling into his guilt trip. "Let's go."

I grab Josh's hand and practically run out of the house.

By the time we catch a bus, ride back down to Charlotte, and walk to my house, the sun is setting. I take a deep breath and open the front door.

It's unlocked for once, and Miranda has assumed her position of holding down the couch. Her stomach is absolutely huge, and she's glaring at me. "What the hell are you doing here. Did Dad drive you?"

"We took a bus. Anyway, we need your help."

She snorts. Like actually snorts, it's ridiculous. "That's funny. Why should I even consider helping you? You're a total bitch, you almost tore apart what's left of our family, and now you want my help?"

I ignore her and say, "It doesn't matter. You promised you'd help me like a month ago."

Her face goes a little pale. "Oh. It's about that?"

I nod. "Why do you look so freaked?" I ask out of sincere worry.

"Have things been getting worse?" Josh asks.

Miranda looks down. "It doesn't feel right here any more..." she mumbles. All traces that she was pissed off a minute ago have completely left her face. A chill goes down my spine.

"What do you mean?" I ask softly. She looks like a little kid.

"It's always cold. All the time, even when the heat is on... And things kind of," she stares into space, then snaps back to reality. "Things move around."

"What kind of things?" Josh asks with a serious face.

As if on cue, I hear a giggle and we all look around at each other. Then, a picture frame above the television shatters and falls to the ground with a thud. Miranda's eyes are like saucers and she looks like she's going to cry.

"Lydia," she squeaks. "I can't handle this. The doctor says I should stress out too much with the baby... and this is definitely stressing me out...I'm worried that Lotty's gonna have birth defects...can that even happen?"

My heart stops. It literally skips a beat. I cough. "Sorry? Did you just say Lotty?"

"Yeah?" she says meekly. "That's what I'm naming the baby. Isn't it cute?"

"Oh my god..." I say and sink to my knees. "Where did you hear that name?"

"Oh I don't remember! It's not like it matters! I think I read it somewhere."

I shake my head and rush to my room, Josh at my heels.

"Wait! Don't leave me here alone!" Miranda calls. I glance at Josh and nod, and he stays in the living room with my sister.

As soon as I get into my room, I head for my jewelry box under my bed, not even bothering to turn on the light. Milky twilight pours in through the window and it's hard to see much of anything. But I know where what I need is. I grab the piece of paper from Halloween, and after thinking twice about it I grab the sketch of Lotty at my mirror.

On my way out, I bump against my mirror and it sends a static shock through my body, which makes me jump. Then that giggle resonates through the air again. I run as fast as I can back to the living room, suddenly glad that I'm staying at my Dad's house. This place was not this creepy the last time I was here...

I practically thrust the paper at Miranda, making her read it. "I need to know what these mean."

"Yes, yes, girl, nine, water, Lotty," she reads aloud. She gasps after Lotty. "Oh..."

"Yeah."

"Well, first I think we asked her if, you know, there was anyone with us. And then they said yes so we asked if they were dead? Like, don't ask me why. It just felt right, we were just trying to freak each other out. And we asked if it was a man or woman, and our hands went to the letters to spell out girl. And I just thought it was my friends being idiots, right? I mean, for all we know, it was."

"I don't know about that, Miranda..." Josh says. "But keep going."

"Well, we asked her how old she was when she died. And she said she was nine. Which is totally fucked up. And then we wanted to know how she died and all we got was 'water'."

Suddenly, I know what I was forgetting in the hospital. My chest compresses and I cough, remembering the dream I had. Or was it a dream? I feel like I was there.

"She drowned. Well, she was drowned.." I fish through my memory for more details. "I remember a boot...on my chest. And a knife. There was a knife."

"What are you talking about?" Miranda asks me.

"A dream...or at least I think it was a dream..." No one says anything so I continue. "In the hospital. Right after I was knocked unconcious, I had this dream where Lotty was at this lake, and she tried to stab some girl. These kids kept making fun of her for something or another, and then she tried to kill one of them. So they killed her..."

Josh is gazing into space, then Miranda asks, "But how do you know that was the ghost that I supposedly talked to on Halloween?"

I point to the paper. "Because her name was Lotty. And," I unfold the sketch and point to the name in the corner of the drawing. "I drew this one day...after seeing her in my mirror. Completely from memory. And I can't do that with anyone but her."

"You guys are freaking me out..." Miranda says.

"But you believe me?"

Miranda nods. Josh looks at the paper. "So you asked for her name and she gave you Lotty? Then what?"

"Then Sam came and yelled at all of us and everyone went home," Miranda says bitterly.

After a while, Josh says, "So you didn't say good bye?"

"Um. No?" Miranda says, squinting her eyes.

"Well, shit."

"What?" Miranda and I say simultaneously.

"When you use a Ouija Board, you're inviting spirits into your circle. But if you don't say goodbye, they don't leave."