Cinderfella

At school, I went to my locker and began rummaging around for my English class-sanctioned novel "Lord of the Flies". My locker is neat enough I guess, but crammed with books: I keep most of my studying things at school as opposed to up in the attic. Anyway, I made a face and dug around deeper on the locker shelf.

"Sup?" A girl's breathless voice was breathing in my ear. I glanced up at my best and only true friend, Sunshine Rademacher, or "Sunnie". She's had her shiny blonde hair since she was a baby; but other than that, Sunnie is more of a hurricane-wreck than a bright sunshine-y day. I mean, the biotch looks like Taylor Swift's prettier sister, but under that vanilla coating is a twisted and obnoxious she-devil and it's usually pretty awesome.

"Hi... get off me, mouth breather," I chuckled and pushed her away. Sunnie leaned heavily against the other, closed lockers and pushed her long curly hair out of her eyes.

"I had to run from the bus stop to get here on time. Mother wouldn't haul her lip-suctioned ass out of bed to drive me and she won't let Harold fucking drive me anymore so PTH!" Sunnie finished her rant with a lady-like raspberry, spitting on my cheek.

"I can pick you up in the morning," I reminded her for the umpteenth time. I found my novel and shoved it at her. "Hold this for a sec," I said while I pushed aside my other textbooks to grab my English binder.

"Ugh and get up at the butt-crack of dawn? Pass. Besides I am not getting in a car with those poop-head kids you live with," Sunnie said, weighing my novel in her hand. I closed my locker and took the novel back from her. We started walking down the hallway together.

"Do you know how long it took me to get that peanut butter out of my hair the last time I took a ride to school with you and those idiots? I mean, ok, when someone sticks gum in your hair, you use peanut butter to get it out, right?" she went on.

"I don't know. I've never had gum in my hair," I said and pointedly ran my hand through my hair. I'm going through a great hair phase and I want to make Sunnie aware of it as much as possible. Her hair always looks great (feminine, of course, but awesome none-the-less), so I wanted, just for a little while, to pretend that I had the better hair.

"So what are you supposed to do when you get peanut butter in your hair? I mean, you don't put gum in it, do you?" Sunnie rambled and stuck her palm out for my opinion. I stuck my head in her face and ran my hand through my hair again.

"Yes, fine, your hair looks great, but can you stop gaying for one second and focus on me please?" Sunnie asked pointedly, jerking her hands at her chest. I rolled my eyes, but smiled and took my head out of her face.

"Ok, ok. No, you wouldn't put gum in your hair to get out peanut butter. I'd imagine that would just make the situation worse," I obliged.

"Thanks. I get that advice now," Sunnie said sarcastically and combed her fingers through her hair with some difficulty. Her hair is pretty, but tangled. I cackled.

"You didn't actually put gum in your hair on purpose, Sunnie," I said. It was Sunnie's turn to stick her head in my face.

"Look? See where I had to cut it? It still hasn't grown out nice. It's like I have a fucking wing growing out of the back of my head. It's horrible. I hate those twins! I hate boys... I hate kids!" Sunnie exploded. I chuckled and gently pushed her head out of my face.

"Well, for the record, I hate them too. This morning they had some sort of pissing contest in the bathroom and guess who had to clean it up before leaving for school?" I rolled my eyes. Sunnie widened her big ol' blue eyes at me. I don't know how she does it, maybe it's just cuz I know her so well, but her eyes never look innocent- just mischievous.

"... oh my God. Ick. Boys are so disgusting," she said, wrinkling her nose, repulsed. I shrugged.

"Sorry," I apologized on behalf of my gender.

"Oh, no, Fynn, you don't count," she assured me, rubbing my arm. I dropped my mouth open in mock offensive.

"Excuse me. Don't emasculate me just because I'm not a booger-eating heterosexual," I said.

"Wha- that's not what I meant. It's just... well... you're much more hygienic that some booger-eating heterosexual. Like you said," Sunnie said, looking me in the eyes to make sure she was forgiven. Sometimes her brain is buzzing around too fast to pick up irony. I grinned at her.

"Yeah, yeah," I said. Since Sunnie was looking at me, she wasn't paying attention to where she was going and she accidentally walked into a small but stocky Goth chick and knocked the girl's books to the ground.

"Look out," I said, pulling Sunnie's arm to keep her from walking on the Goth girl's papers.

"Hey why don't you watch where you're going??" The girl suddenly barked at Sunnie, glaring at her.

"It was an accident-" Sunnie started to defend but the girl kept going.

"You can't just take up the whole hallway! You're not actually the queen of Sheba," she snapped as she squatted to collect her stuff.

"What is up your ass?? I wasn't taking up the whole hallway and I don't think I'm the queen of Sheba... maybe you should get off your high horse of judgment, princess of darkness," Sunnie steamed.

"Sun," I muttered warningly and tugged on her arm. People were starting to stare. "Princess of Darkness" pressed her lips together to hide a smile as she got to her feet, holding her books to her chest.

"Honestly, don't be such a bitch. I'm really sorry I knocked your books down, and ok I wasn't watching where I was going, but that doesn't mean you can verbally abuse me in the damn hallway!" Sunnie went on, clapping her hands against her hips.

When I heard the artificial 'click' of a cell phone camera, I knew it was time to end this little tirade and I grabbed Sunnie's wrist. I have this feeling that people provoke Sunnie to get a rise out of her just to watch the performance her short temper gives.

Since she's my total bff and this was getting super embarrassing, I saved her by slinging my arm around her shoulders and escorting her forcibly out of the throng of students.

"Come on," I chuckled, trying not to blush and look like a doofus as we walked away from the situation.

When we were in my English classroom and no one was paying attention to us again, Sunnie plopped down into the empty seat next to me and heaved a sigh.

"Thanks... sorry," she muttered.

"No problem," I said, spinning my pen around in my fingers.

"I can't help myself. I just... I see red when an injustice is being committed before me," Sunnie went on, flashing her fingers in front of her eyes. I chuckled.

"Yeah. I know. Especially when the injustice is happening to you," I said, grinning slyly and doodling on my binder.

"Or you! I'd chew my own leg off for you, Fynnman," Sunnie said passionately and leaned her head tiredly on my upper arm.

"I'm so lucky," I chuckled, but was honestly glad I had Sunnie for a friend. "The gay community thanks your activism," I added with a giggle, looking at the top of her blonde head and grinning. Sunnie lifted her head to glare at me.

"What would I do without you?" She sighed, turning her head to frown out at the rest of the classroom.

"You'd probably get into a fair few more fist fights... and have no one to ice your black eye afterward-"

"You didn't tell me Hamish was in your English class!" Sunnie suddenly gasped. I glanced over at the front of the classroom, where the Hamish in question was laughing with a large circle of friends.

"Hang on..." I said and held up my index finger. Sunnie looked at me.

"Wait for it..." I went on, raising my eyebrows. Sunnie kept looking at me, waiting...

"Hamish Olding is in my English class," I informed her. Sunnie slumped her shoulders and gave me a fabulously withering look. She blinked her eyes back over to look at Hamish. She sighed longingly.

"He is so fine. I love the way he dresses," she pined. I snorted and looked over at Hamish. Even from where I sat (on the polar opposite side of the room) I could hear his loud voice, laughing excitedly as he joked around in that infectious, lilting and brogue-ish accent of his. Hamish Olding is an exchange student from Scotland; I don't know where (I know shit all about Scottish geography) but he's caused quite a stir since arriving here a couple months ago.

For one thing, he's hott. Yeah, he's pale like a ghost, but he's tall and broad and has a strong jaw- very manly. But he's got this super easy grin and he's one of those enviously out-going people who charm everyone they meet. Hamish also has flaming red hair (and not, like, a fluffy carrot head- I mean a deep rich red-head) and seems to be a natural born class clown. I don't know if he's nice or an asshole or if he's smart or dumb or what, but from the way he easily spun all of the popular kids into the palm of his hand in a couple weeks, I'm gonna guess he's a pretty friendly guy.

"He dresses like he ploughed through his closet blindfolded," I said, looking at Sunnie.

"It's free spirited and fun!" she argued, her eyes sparkling at an unaware Hamish. I looked over at Hamish again. He was wearing an electric blue polo shirt with dark Levi's jeans and lemon-yellow sneakers.

"Hamish would look good in anything," I said begrudgingly. His body is freaking perfect.

"Yeah..." Sunnie sighed. "Wait!" she said suddenly and looked at me. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.

"Do you like him?" she asked in a fascinated whisper. I rolled my eyes and slumped in my seat.

"Just because I said he looks good in clothes doesn't mean I like him, Sunnie, yeesh," I said.

"That doesn't answer my question," Sunnie caught shrewdly.

"I don't like him. So you can just stop that train of thought before it even leaves the retarded station," I said pointedly.

"Why don't you like him?" she wanted to know. "What's not to like?? He's gorgeous and, and friendly-"

"You don't know that. All you know is that he's gorgeous," I said.

"Ha! So you think he's gorgeous?" Sunnie grinned at me. I stared at her for a moment, but then rolled my eyes, playing it cool.

"Well... I mean... it's pretty much a fact. Everyone thinks so," I hedged, waving my hand around.

"Including you," Sunnie said, and continued grinning mischievously.

"Fine. Including me," I said. Sunnie clasped my forearm.

"Well, you are in luck because I'm pretty sure that Hamish is bisexual," Sunnie said.

"How do you know that?" I asked, sure she didn't know what she was talking about.

"Be... cause... someone that friendly has to be at least bi. If not full-out gay-"

"Doubtful," I chuckled.

"Why? Look at his shirt; not only does it fit him perfectly but it's the color of flamboyance and style and confidence. Heterosexual seventeen-year-old males are never flamboyant, just pretend to be confident when they actually aren't, and they definitely aren't stylish," Sunnie said.

"How do you know that?" I asked again.

"How do you know that it isn't true?" she asked back. I pursed my lips and then looked over at Hamish. He had everyone surrounding him giggling at something he'd said and was grinning, slapping his hands on his desk.

"... yeah, ok, maybe he's bi," I admitted. Since he does dress pretty exceptionally. "But it doesn't matter," I said firmly.

"Oh come on, Fynn. He'd be perfect for you," Sunnie said.

"Forget it, Sun," I hummed and began doodling on my binder again.

"Fynn. You don't need to be the gay lone wolf, fighting the good fight by yourself forever," Sunnie said sternly.

"What? Fighting what good fight?" I laughed.

"The... fight... to be seventeen and, and, and gay- look, don't distract me," Sunnie said, waving her hands. "Don't you want a boyfriend?" she asked. I thought that over for a minute: I mean, sure I fantasize about guys and a... a boyfriend, but that stays pretty strictly in the world of fantasy. I don't know that I actually want a real life relationship. I mean.... what do I have to offer? Besides uncommonly good hair right now.

"Whether I want one or not is besides the point," I decided to say, avoiding the question.

"Sure it is! Fynn, ever since we were thirteen I have watched you pine over guys and never do anything about it-"

"Well it's a little difficult to get a clueless thirteen-year-old boy to come out of the closet for another clueless thirteen year old boy," I rationalized.

"-and you deserve this. Come on. Prom will be here before you know it and wouldn't you love to walk into that cheap hotel ballroom with your Prince Charming?" Sunnie went on as if I hadn't spoken.

"And you're giving me Hamish? Aw, Sunnie that's so sweet. Just two minutes ago you were in love with him and now you are generously offering him up?" I gushed.

"I can totally picture it, Fynn," Sunnie said warningly. "I'm already seeing it; it's going to come true,"

"Soothsayer Sunnie," I said. The warning bell rang and Sunnie stood up hastily.

"You just wait, Fynn. You and Hamish are going to happen. It is written in the stars," she said dreamily, wiping the message across the invisible sky and rearranging the imaginary stars with her hand.

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes but smiled at Sunnie as she scuttled out of the classroom. For a reasonably smart girl she can be totally off the mark about some things.

I put my arms up on my desk and opened my binder. I glanced over at Hamish and watched most of the popular people in our grade pry themselves away from him with difficulty, grinning at him. When he was only surrounded by the lucky few who had English with him, he sat a little straighter in his chair and tapping his pen hyperactively against his desk top. I watched as he spun the pen around in his fingers as I had done just a minute ago.

But that's a common trick. I don't think that means anything. I looked at my binder and then peeked at Hamish again out of the corner of my eyes. Besides, Hamish doesn't know I exist... and why should he? I'm just a gay little nobody with good hair and a crazy best friend.

... but that doesn't stop me from looking at him anyway. Because, dayyy-mn the boy is a fine piece of exotic meat, regardless.