One Regret

*~ 3rd Person Perspective~*

“You told him that?” Mr. White gaped at Mrs. Leron, when they were in the faculty lounge.
“He needs to know.” Mrs. Leron snapped. “I will not tolerate him in my classroom.”
Mr. White shook his head. “Beth, he lost his only friend. The accident was his fault. He has no one else but teachers- his parents kicked him out.”
“How do you know all of that?” Mrs. Leron asked, bewildered.
“Ray told me one day after class, when I had asked him what was wrong.” Mr. White argued. “You’re being apathetic. Stop guessing about his life, and just be nice to him!”

*~Ray’s Perspective~*

I got beat up after school, like always. It was some of Matt’s old friends; who knew the accident had been my fault. I walked to my old, stupid, car and got in the drivers side. It was the same car Matt and I had crashed in.
I started the car and drove swiftly out of the parking lot. My home wasn’t even a home. It was just a shed (like the ones you buy at Lowe’s) with a mattress, and a radio and a dresser, with all of my clothes in it.
I left my shoes by the door and laid down on the mattress. My parents had thrown me out, calling me a murderer and a drunk (Yes, I know, how supportive).

A knock came to the door and I eyed the door, frowning. I usually never have anyone come over… I finally got up, figuring I’d just see who it was; then slam the door in their face.
I opened the door then blinked in surprise. It was the brunette who had stolen Matt’s seat, in Mrs. Leron’s class.
“Hi…” She said, slowly.
“Um, hi. How did you know where I live?” I gaped.
“I- saw you get beat up. I was just wondering if you were alright.” She replied.
I nodded. “Well I, I mean, of course I’m alright.”
“Oh, okay well I’m Erika, by the way.” She said.
“I’m Ray,” I introduced. ‘Now leave me alone.’
“Nice to finally meet you, I’m sorry I stole your seat in class-”
“It wasn’t my seat. It was- Matt’s.” I just realized how stupid that actually sounded out loud.
“Was he absent or something?” She asked, with a confused look on her face.
Great, I have to explain…
“No. He’s- He was killed in a car accident, four months ago… The accident was my fault…” I answered her.
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Erika exploded. “I didn’t mean to pry-”
“It’s fine.” just shut up and leave me alone!
“I’m going to go…” Erika said. “It’s late and my parents are probably freaking out.”
Finally! “Okay. See you around.”
I shut the door after that and laid back down on the mattress and covered myself with some blankets, thinking.
If Matt were still alive, what would things be like?
Not like this…
Not. Like. This…

*~ At school the next day~*

I walked into the classroom and saw Erika, sitting at the table in Matt’s seat. Eh, I really didn’t care. Matt was gone.
“Hey,” I said and sat down next to her.
“Hi,” She greeted. “Whoa, what is on your arm?”

I glanced down at my arm and saw the cuts on my arm. There were more on my right arm… even though I held the razor with my right arm; I just used my left.
“I uh- cut myself.” I stammered.
“Doing what?” Erika gaped.
“For- Pain. I’m emo- Didn’t you know?” I questioned.
Practically the whole school knew about me being emo.
“Since the accident?” Erika questioned.
I shook my head. “No… Matt was trying to help me over come it. I- love the pain.”
She fell silent after that and I frowned. Did she have something against emo’s or something?

*~*~*~*~*~*

I walked ‘home’, limping. My car wouldn’t start and a couple of Matt’s friends saw me. I was torn to shreds; I was cut everywhere. The cuts I’d given myself had been re-cut. For once, I actually didn’t like this pain. I like to cut myself, by myself.
I grabbed a cigarette from my front pocket, then grabbed a red lighter from my other front pocket and lit the cigarette. As I was putting it to my mouth I heard a female voice. “What’re you doing?”
I jumped and turned around; dropping the cigarette to the ground. “Jeez!”
It was Erika, and I sighed.
“Why are you smoking?!” She gaped at me.
“For the pain.” I answered her.
“Your smoking for pain?” She raised an eye brow. Hah, I don’t think cigarettes cause pain. Has she been in the dark for her whole life or something? Goddess!
“No!” I moaned, annoyed.
“Wh- did you cut yourself again?! And a cigarette burn? Really?!” She yelled.
A cigarette burn? “Where?”
“On your arm!” Erika shouted.
I looked at my arm. Oh, Why hadn’t I noticed that? I probably thought it was just a cut… but it was a burn. Odd…
“Oh…” I mumbled. “Look, Amy-”
“It’s Erika!” She growled.
Oops. “Ok, Whatever. I didn’t cut myself! Matt’s old friend’s did this to me! I’m smoking because of the pain!”
“You’re really messed up.” Erika whispered.
“What did you say?” I growled through my teeth.
“You’re messed up! You need to go see a counselor!” Erika shouted in my face.
“Really.” I mumbled.
“Yes really! I’ll come with you if you want!” Erika told me.
“You are not my keeper!” I spat, and shoved past her, getting another cigarette from my pocket. “And stay away from me! You’re really annoying!”

*~The next day~*
“This is what you get for killing Matt!” Jake growled, evilly, holding me up to the wall. He punched my gut, hard, and let go of me; letting me fall to the ground.
Then, Jake started to kick me. I gasped for breath with each blow, but I couldn’t contain any air with him kicking my sides.
Mr. White saw me coming into the school. He frowned, seeing the blood, and my cut lip.
“Ray, are you alright?” He asked.
I shook my head yes. “I… I’m fine.”
“You’re bleeding.” He noticed.
“I am, almost every day, Mr. White.” I notified him, shrugging.
“Well, yeah, I know. What happened?” Mr. White asked.
“Got jumped by some of Matt’s old friends.” I told him. “They beat me all the time so it’s nothing new to me.”
Mr. White just stared at me. “… Why don’t you just stay inside today?”
“Can’t. They’ll beat me even harder when they give me the next beating.” I told him.
“Here, I’ll walk with you to your class.” He offered.
I shrugged and we began to walk to my first period class. I couldn’t tell him no, he was like a friend to me, here. A guy I could actually talk to and not get yelled at or beat up. Mr. White was a good guy, he didn’t have a first period class, and often waited for me to get to school, and talk with me. He has a protective eye out for me ever since I told him I was being beaten by Matt’s old friends; that was like three months ago.
He knew my first period which was Mrs. Leron’s Oceanography class.
When we got there, Mrs. Leron barely even glanced at me as Mr. White and I came into the room. “Hm, tardy again I see.”
“He’s not tardy, Mrs. Leron. I saw him get jumped in the parking lot; so I am excusing his absence.”

Mrs. Leron frowned. “This is my classroom, Mr. White.”
“He’s got cuts and bruises on his arm!” Mr. White shouted. “He’s not tardy!”
I kind of wanted to cut in and say why was this a big deal? But, I remained quiet, trying not to speak out of term. Mr. White was defending me.
“This is my classroom, Mr. White. I make the rules.” Mrs. Leron spat.

“He really was jumped, Mrs. Leron!” Erika said, standing up. “I saw it!”
“Why didn’t you report it?” Mrs. Leron asked, in a dull tone, obviously not really caring.
“I… I didn’t think he was that important to you…” Erika admitted, right when Principal Steward came in.
“Principal Steward!” Mrs. Leron exclaimed. “Hello, What do you need?”
“You, Ray Peterson, and Mr. White- but he seems to already be here. Come with me out into the hall.” Ms. Steward replied.

We all walked out into the hallway and Mrs. Leron became very impatient.
“There has been several reports by teachers that Mr. Peterson here, has been beaten and coming in late to classes because of it. Several students have also reported seeing him being beaten in your classroom. My concern is why you didn’t do anything to help him or report it.” Ms. Steward said, all proper and official like.
Mrs. Leron looked shocked and surprised.
“I know that there is no fighting going on in my classroom” Mrs. Leron told her.
“Yeah, all the fighting is outside, except for that one time.” I chimed in.
“And Mr. White, you seem very close to Ray, do you have anything to tell me about all this?” Ms. Steward continued, looking at Mr. White.
He frowned, getting all serious to answer the question. He had been looking at Mrs. Leron, reading the expression on her face. “Yes. As you know, the gang known as H.S.B.’s has been beating Ray. They claim to think of it as ‘reminding him of what he’s done wrong.’”