Unsaid Things

“What would you like to wear today, sweetheart?” I asked Lilly, holding up two dressed. She loved to pick out her own clothes, because I’d rather her to like what she wears rather than try to destroy it. She stared intensely at the lime green dress before her eyes flickered to the black and white one, flinging her arms up to wrap them around it. “Good choice, now you match mummy!” I grinned, standing her up on the bed. We had spent only a night here so far, and now it was time for breakfast. She giggled quietly as I pulled off her pajamas, before situating her in the cute little dress.
“Mummy!” she cried out, trying to reach for her teddy bear that was on the other side of my bed. I laughed softly before reaching for it, handing it over. She smiled sweetly and fell on my bed with a huff, hugging her bear with everything in her. I flattened down my dress before I picked her up and placed her on my hip, making my way out the door and towards the kitchen at the bottom of the stairs.
“Breakfast?” I asked her, and she nodded quickly as I placed her on the floor, watching her slowly walk toward the kitchen. I smiled softly, happy that she knew where she was going already. I followed behind her, making her she wouldn’t fall. She wiggled her body as she saw Rachel and let out a loud giggle. Rachel spun around and grinned, leaning over to pick her up.
“You’re up early.” Rachel cooed, tapping Lilly’s nose with her pointer finger. Lilly let out a soft giggle and hugged her teddy close to her. “And dressed super cute.” Rachel added, and Lilly just looked up at her with large, piercing green eyes. “Niccy, I can’t get over how much she looks like you.” Rachel muttered, turning to me with a smile. I was leaning on the doorframe smiling, nodding slowly.
“I know,” I whispered, walking over and hopping up on the counter. “She doesn’t look at all like Damien.” I nodded, causing Rachel to laugh softly. Lilly looked over at me and held her arms out, asking for me to hold her now. I reached over and picked her up off of Rachel’s hip, placing her on my lap. She hugged her teddy close to her and looked at me and a large smile. “I haven’t unpacked her baby food. Do you have a banana?” I asked, and Rachel raised her eyebrow.
“She likes bananas?” She asked, handing me a banana with a laugh. I just nodded, pulling the banana peal off and handing Lilly a little piece of it. She grinned and took it, shoving it in her mouth with a smile. “I wonder where she got her love of bananas from.” Rachel chuckled, and I just smiled. I love bananas. “I, uh, didn’t tell anyone you were stopping by for a while. I mean, because you and…” She went to continue, but the sound of the front door opening stopped her in her tracks.
“Rachel?” I heard from the living room and I looked down at Lilly, who was still chewing on the piece I had given her. I held her close to me, as Rachel disappeared to greet the intruder. “Hey babe…what?” I held Lilly tight to me as she chewed on the piece of banana and I just sighed. I knew it wasn’t…him…but I had a feeling that he could show up today at any moment.
“Doug, I have someone I know you’ll like to see.” I heard Rachel announce, and I smiled softly. I missed the band so much, and not keeping contact with them had killed me. Dougie, Tom, and Harry were all down to earth people who constantly made me laugh and never telling them I had left probably had an affect on that. Rachel appeared in the kitchen again, with her hand clutching Dougie’s. “Niccy.” She whispered, and Dougie’s mouth dropped.
“Are you…serious?” he exclaimed, causing me to smile slowly. “And…she’s your…” He didn’t finish the sentence, as I had handed Lilly over to Rachel and pulled Doug into a needed hug. He hugged me back and I chuckled softly.
“Sorry I left without a word, Dougsey, I had to leave.” I whispered, before taking Lilly into my arms again. “But this is my little princess. Dougie, this is Lilly. Lilly, say hello to uncle Dougie.” I whispered, and she let out a loud laugh. Dougie raised an eyebrow and just looked at me dumbfound. “Say hello, sweetie.” I whispered to her, and she giggled again. She spoke incoherent baby words and I just took it as a ‘hello’, as she giggled again.
“She’s so…tiny.” Dougie whispered, and Lilly held out her arms, trying to reach for him. Dougie was way too confused to notice she wanted him to hold her, so I just held her out, letting her cling to his body. Dougie wrapped his arms around her quickly and smiled softly. “Wow.” Was all he muttered, as she placed a hand on his nose and squeezed it, giggling loudly.
“Just don’t drop her.” I laughed, and he nodded with a chuckle.
“Hello, Lilly.” He said to her and she grinned, hugging her bear. She leaned her head on his shoulder and reached her hand toward me, asking for another piece of food. I handed her a small piece of banana and she began to suck on it, smiling triumphantly. “How old is she?” Dougie asked, and I smiled.
“A little over 14 months. She can say ‘mummy’, kind of walk, and cry. Those are the three things she’s good at.” I laughed, causing Dougie to smile. Rachel hugged Dougie’s waist and he laughed, hugging her too. I kept my mind clear as I thought about them having a baby, and how completely adorable it’d be.
“Are the other’s coming over too?” She asked, and I felt my eyes grow wide. I knew that this was to happen eventually, but I didn’t want it to happen any time soon. I haven’t seen…him…in nearly 2 years and I was hoping for another few years to go by first. Even though the baby wasn’t his, he was the one who had helped me out for my pregnancy, and seeing him again was going to break me.
“They were all right behind me.” Dougie nodded, and I gulped loudly. Lilly looked over at me, and I don’t know how she knew something was wrong, but her eyes began to water and she outstretched her arms towards me. I reached over and picked her out of Dougie’s arms, holding her to my hip, she hugged me, handing me her bear as if it’d make me feel better. I just smiled softly and she pecked me on the cheek.
“It’ll be fine, Niccy.” Rachel nodded, before the door had opened again. Lilly turned her head toward the noise and then toward me again, placing her fingers on my nose, pulling it down so my eyes were facing her. She smiled softly, causing me to smile too. I gave her bear back and she grinned, giggling softly.
“Rach!” I heard his voice over the others and I bit my lip, holding Lilly close to me. I don’t know why I was so nervous, but I was; and it bothered me. Rachel called the three men into the room and my heart stopped. Tom and Harry noticed me right away and there jaws dropped, running over to me with their arms wide. They hugged me at the same time, and Lilly began to giggle since she was right in the middle. I smiled at the two and they looked at the baby as if it were crazy.
“Hello, boys. This is Lilly.” I whispered to them, and they both stared at Lilly with confused expressions on their features. Lilly hugged her bear and giggled at them, scrunching up her nose to make the cutest face. I turned on my heels as I heard a voice speaking to Rachel. My eyes instantly traveled to Danny’s, and he was staring right back at me. Everyone could feel the awkward tension and I just smiled at him. “Hey, Dan,” I nodded, and he did a double take before staring directly at Lilly.
“Mummy!” she cried, trying to get out of my arms. I tore my eyes from Danny’s and placed her on the ground, staying on my knees as she tried to stand. I made sure she didn’t fall, before she started walking toward Rachel, holding her hands up to be carried. Rachel laughed, before picking up my baby and placing her on her hip.
“Why hello, little Lillian.” Rachel grinned, and Lilly began to giggle uncontrollably. I smiled happily as I stood, knowing that she was in good care. “Banana?” Rachel asked, looking to me, as if she were asking. I handed her the half eaten banana and she tore a piece, handing it to Lilly. She smiled happily and began eating it, hugging her bear close to her. She turned her head directly to Danny and batted her piercing green eyes at him. He smiled softly at her, causing her to smile in return with a giggle.
“How old is she?” Tom asked as the room had grown silent, and I turned to him with a smile.
“A little over 14 months old,” I nodded, causing the room to nod in response. I felt kind of awkward, considering Danny was staring at me again. I heard a cry peak out over the quiet room and I flew towards her, Rachel handing her over instantly. I rocked Lilly back and forth as she cried louder and louder. I didn’t know what made her cry, until Danny kneeled down and picked up the stuffed bear, handing it to Lilly with a soft smile.
“I think you dropped this, Lilly.” He spoke so delicately that it confused me beyond belief. Lilly stared at him through watery eyes before taking the bear softly, hugging it close and sticking her thumb in her mouth. She smiled softly at Danny, before burying her head into my neck with a sniffle.
“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” I whispered to them all, before I swiftly left the room and took a seat on the couch. Lilly looked up at me and I slowly wiped her eyes, hugging her close to my body. She cuddled into me and I took a deep breath. What has gotten into me?