I've Got a Secret

"Ryan," he nearly whispered. His driving was erratic, like he thought they were following us. "Who was that?"

"Some guys," I muttered. This was a fucking mistake. This whole relationship was. I have no idea what I was thinking! That this crap would actually turn out okay? No, it wont. Now I find that out after I run into the animals that made my life a living hell."I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I think you do." Brendon retorted stubornly.

"No, I really fucking don't." I replied just as stubornly."Do you seriously want to know who they were? Do you?"

"Yes, I think I should know what kind of danger we're in when ever we go out!" His hands clenched the steering wheel.

I ran a hand through my disheveled hair, "They went to my old school." Before I knew it, hot tears were rolling down my cheeks. "They caused all of this." The memory of waking up in a hospital bed, not being able to move my body without excruciating pain came into my head. The memories of going to school every day and being forced to deal with being called a faggot and having everyone stay five feet away from you is almost as painful; especially if you just saw them harass your boyfriend.

Brendon glanced over at me, then pulled the car into the break-down lane. "Ry," he said softly. His thumb wiped away my tears. "It's going to be okay."

"No it isn't!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Nothing will ever be okay.

Brendon flinched at my sudden outburst, and sighed. "Ryan, look at me." His hand grasped my jaw so i was looking him in the eye. "Everything will be okay. Your still going to school with no hassles, we're working out fine, and your getting over the divorce. What's bothering you so much?" His eyes held actual concern, something I rarely see. Emotion is a rarity in my life.

I bit my tongue, I didnt want to reply the cliche 'everything.' "I'm sick of being me. Everything is so complicated."

"Life wouldn't be interesting without some kind of bull shit," he chuckled.

"Life also wouldn't be so hard with that same bull shit."

"That is true," he frowned. "But understand that you can always talk to me about the bull shit. You don't have to be so secretive, you realize?"

"You already know all my secrets." I simply replied as he started the car. "You are my secrets."

"And I love being them," he said through a grin. "Just like you must love being Jane."

"Sometimes," I smiled; staring out the window.