I've Got a Secret

Everything else seemed to happen in a blur. Brendon tried to talk him into putting the knife down, when suddenly he was being charged, and they were rolling around on the ground. Alex's friends were shouting in the background, telling him to stop before he actually hurt Brendon. They didn't want a lawsuit. 

They were on probation. 

Suddenly there was a chorus of gasps, a tearing sound, and a cry of pain. 

The cry of pain came from the lips I knew too well. 

Then next thing I knew, I was screaming on the ground next to Brendon while Alex's friends pulled him off. Brendon was bleeding out his chest and his face was contorted with the pain. 

I took my phone out and called 911. 

Now I'm sitting in the hospital room. 

Well more like pacing. 

I was pacing across the lobby, Spencer was sitting down looking anxious, Jon was asleep on his shoulder, and my mom was filling out paperwork. 

A main artery was punctured. 

He lost a lot of blood. 

They don't know if he'll make it. 

He's in surgery. 

"Ryan, you should sit down." Spencer suggested. I sighed and plopped down next to him. 

"Spencer, what if he dies? What if he dies and it's all my fault? I couldn't live with that. I can't loose him." I vented. My voice racked. 

"Do you love him?" Spencer asked randomly. 

"What? Of course I do." I said. 

"Does he know that?" Spencer asked. 

I paused. 

"I need to see him." I said, standing up. 

"Ryan, sit down. You can't go in there yet." Spencer commanded, grabbing my arm. 

I sat back down with my head in my hands. 

Then suddenly the doctor walked out into the lobby, and my head snapped up. 

"How is he?" my mom asked when I had failed to speak. 

"He seems to be doing okay." the doctor said. "He made it through the surgery, but he lost a lot of blood. He's asleep now." She explained. 

Without another word, I shot up from my seat and raced into his hospital room, ignoring the doctors protests. 

I quietly crept into the room where I spotted him, lying eyes closed, all bandaged up, and wires hanging off of him. 

I crept over and sat down in the chair by his bed and lightly grabbed his hand carful not to wake him up. 

I tried to hold back my tears. 

"The anesthesia hasn't quite worn off yet. He'll be out for the rest of the night most likely." The doctor said, appearing in the room. 

"Can I stay here please?" I asked. She looked hesitant, but nodded her head. 

"If it's alright with your mother." she said. 

"Ryan, I would like you to come home and get some sleep-" she started from the doorway. But I interrupted her. 

"Please." I begged. 

She sighed. "Fine." 

~*~

I sat there for hours, just holding onto his hand, talking to him occasionally, and kissing his cheek every now and then. 

Eventually I fell asleep. 

~*~

I woke up, and my back Burt from the position I was sitting in, and it was light outside. I looked down at him and he was still asleep. 

I scooted the chair closer and rested my head on his shoulder. 

"I love you Brendon." I mumbled. "I love you so much." 

I then chuckled to myself when I realized I was most likely talking to myself. 

Pretty soon, I started dozing off again. 

I was near sleep when something underneath me shuffled. 

I groaned, then shot up when I realized what was happening. 

"Brendon?" I questioned. 

His eyes fluttered open slowly, and he tried to sit up. 

I pushed him back down gently, and rubbed circles on his hand. 

"Just relax." I said softly. 

He did as I said, then looked up at me. 

"W-" he stopped to clear his throat. "What happened?" he asked. 

I sighed, and mentally prepared myself to relive the memory. 

"Well," I started. "They attacked us, and the one you were fighting with had a knife and... He punctured a main artery. On you I mean. They didn't know if you would make it. I'm so fucking sorry Brendon. This is all my fault. Its my fault they attacked us and..."

"Ryan." he cut me off. I stopped talking and looked at him. "I love you too." he said. 

"What?"

"I. Love. You. Too. You said you loved me. And I love you too." he said tightening the grip on my hand. 

A tear fell down my cheek, and I grabbed his arm, hugging it because it was the only huggable part of his body that wasn't bandaged up. 

"I love you." I mumbled. "I'm so sorry." 

"Ryan, this isn't your fault. I don't blame you for anything. You were just trying to take me out for a good time because I had been so busy. What happened, happened because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thats all." he said. His voice sounded so weak and broken. It just made me cry harder. 

"Please don't cry." he begged. "Come here." he motioned for me to get closer. He reached up with his other arm and caressed my face. He then pulled me down so he could kiss me. It was a weak kiss, his lips were chapped, but it was somewhat reassuring. 

"If I had never lied to you, if I had never convinced you to go out with me, this never would have happened. This happened because you were with me." I told him. 

He sighed. "Ryan. Shut up please. I just had a near death experience. You're killing my glow." he said with a weak smile. 

I sighed. "Fine." I said. "But you realize that I'm not going to leave your side until you're fully healthy again. Unless of course youre going to break up with me because of what-"

"Ryan. Shut up." he said. "One, I'm not going to break up with you. Get over it." he said with a slight smirk. "Two, I don't see a problem with that." he said, leaning forward and connecting our lips again. 

"I love you." he mumbled under the kiss. 

"You too." I mumbled back. 

"Mister Urie. Awake I see?" the doctor said; I hadn't heard her come in. 

I turned red and pulled away. 

He didn't take his eyes off my as the doctor did a check up. 

"You seem to be doing well. You might be able to go home soon." she explained with a fake happy smile. 

Brendon's smile dropped. 

"Do my parents know?" he asked. 

"We notified them last night. We haven't gotten a call back." the doctor answered. 

His face dropped even more if possible, and I grabbed his hand again. 

"I'm sorry Bren." I said soothingly. "I'm sure they'll come see you."

He didn't respond. He just nodded.