I've Got a Secret

The next week went by really slowly. Brendon continued to treat me amazingly, but something didn't seem right. Like there was something wrong he wasn't telling me. I could be looking too into things, but I swear to god that kid has a secret.

Don't we all?

Things were a little awkward though because of Spencer. Brendon knows Spencer hates his guts, and he's always around. He doesn't ever let me be alone with him, and Spencer tries his hardest to keep me away from him. And he doesn't try and hide it either. Its obvious to everyone that Spencer doesn't want me hanging out with them. So he'll try to pull me away or try and scare them away. I know he's just looking out for me, and I know that he's probably right too, but it is seriously annoying.

"So, do you wanna hang out tonight? My mom's getting Chinese." Spencer said as we talked on the phone.

"Sorry Spence. I have a lot of homework to do. Maybe tomorrow or something." I said. Little does he know, I am currently standing in front my the mirror applying my make up, wig sitting on the vanity next to me.

"What? We have all the same classes… Ryan! You better not be going out with that boy again-"

"Sorry, gotta go, bye." I mumbled quickly, shutting off the phone.

Sorry Spence.

Just then the doorbell rang. I quickly put my wig on and raced downstairs to answer it. Luckily my parents weren't home.

I opened the door, and Brendon stood there with a smile stretched across his face. It didn't reach his eyes however.

"Hey." he said, pulling me into a hug.

Is it weird that we've been dating for two weeks and he hasn't kissed me yet?

"I thought I'd take you out to a nice restaurant tonight. You know, something a little different." he said. I pulled away from the hug and gave him a smile and a nod.

"Alright, let's go." he said taking my hand.

~*~

Brendon's POV

Tonight was the night. I can't take it anymore. She's such a sweet lovely girl and I hate lying to her.

Hopefully she'll understand. Hopefully she doesn't run off and tell the entire school I'm gay.

Well I guess "tell" isn't really the right word…

All I have to do is be honest with her. Just say the three simple words: I am gay.

Hopefully she doesn't take it the wrong way. Hopefully she believes me.

Before we sat down, I did the gentlemanly thing and pulled her chair out for her. She smiled at me and sat down.

Should I really do this? She looks so pretty tonight… And I'd hate to break her heart. I know my parents would love her. She's not Mormon but… It doesn't matter. They'd love her anyway.

No. No. No.

I'd be living a lie. I can't do that. I hate lying to her. I really do like her, in a different way, and I don't want to upset her.

But I guess if I don't tell her, she'll get hurt in the long run.

Ugh. Why is this so difficult? I've broken up with girls before.

No, she dumped you idiot.

Ugh, shut up.

Okay Brendon, you just have to break it to her gently.

My thoughts were interrupted by a tap on the arm. I then realized I had been glaring at the table the whole time.

I looked up and she handed me a piece of paper.

What's the matter? You look distressed. it said.

She's so sweet…

Fuck.

"Nothing." I said. "I just have a lot on my mind is all. I'm sorry." I finished.

There was a pause while she wrote something down.

Do you need to talk about it? I'm here if you do. it said.

Yes. Yes I do. I'm gay, and I can't be your boyfriend anymore. I'm sorry.

Fuck. I can't do it. Not when she's looking at me like that.

"I'm sorry. It's nothing. I just don't feel well." I said.

I'm such a chicken.  

She nodded, and didn't push the subject, but I was sure she didn't believe me.

No. No. You have to do this. Just spit it out.

"Um, I have to-"

"Hi, are you guys ready to order?" I was interrupted by the waitress. Nice timing.

"Uh, what do you want?" I asked her. She reached over and pointed to something on the menu.

"Uh, I'll have the lasagna and she wants the mushroom ravioli." I said. The waitress nodded wrote some stuff down and walked away.

She handed me another piece of paper.

You were saying? You have to what?

I paused before looking at her. "I… I… I um, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." I said getting up from my seat.

She looked dissatisfied, but nodded anyway.

~*~

I stood in front of the mirror for a good five minutes just giving myself a pep talk.

I can do it. It's not that fucking difficult.

She's a nice girl. She's not going to react badly. I mean, even if she did, what's the worst that could happen?

She'd freak out, dump her food all over me, then tell the entire school I'm gay.

Fuck.

Okay, okay. Even if that did happen, really, what's the worst that could happen then? Sure I might be ridiculed a little bit, but I could find an awesome guy, and we wouldn't let them get in the way of us. I mean, this is the 21st century right?

Yeah, that's why that one guy was almost killed at school from those homophobic douche bags.

I wonder what ever happened to him...

Not important. I have friends that would protect me. None of them are homophobic. I think. I hope.

But what happens if word gets back to your parents?

No. Don't think about that. That won't happen.

Maybe I shouldn't do this…

No, I'll just wait until after dinner.

I made my way back to the table, and our food had arrived. She was sitting there, with a look that crossed between impatient and worried.

I sat down, and she looked up at me and smiled.

After dinner. After dinner. Don't chicken out idiot.

Dinner went by rather awkwardly. I could tell she knew something was wrong.

I ate my food very slowly. I'm so horrible.

Once I finished my food, I noticed I was glaring at my plate. It can't be over Already.

She tapped my arm and handed me her notebook.

Are you ready to go?

No.

"Um, do you want dessert?" I asked. She shrugged.

I'll take that as a yes.

"Uh, Waitress?"

~*~

I can't do this anymore. I'm being an idiot. Just spit it out. God.

"Jane. I need to tell you something." I said. She looked at me.

"Here you go." the waitress interrupted, setting down the dessert in front of me.

The waitress walked away and she looked at me, prompting me to continue. It was a slightly threatening gaze. I'm sure it was because she was getting impatient.

"Uh, um, I… can you pass the mustard?" I blurt out.

She stared at me blankly for a second, before looking almost weirded out and confused at the same time.

She then began to write something down in her notebook.

You're eating cheesecake. it said.

Fuck. I'm so bad at this.

I think I've crossed the line between idiot and just plain dumb ass.

"Um, I-"

"Jane!" I was interrupted again, this time by the kid who hates me, storming towards us furiously.

Her eyes widened in fear and surprise when she saw him.

He marched towards us and grabbed her arm. "Jane, let's go, now." he said sternly.

She glared at him, and I just kind of sat there, not sure what to do. He then pulled her up and out of the resturaunt.

Leaving me there, dumbstruck, and still full of fucking secrets.