Status: alive :)

Walk Through Hell

Unspoken Desires

Diagon Alley had always been a place that Addie felt safe at, but now it was just cold, dark, and empty. People used to take their time, strolling the streets, stopping at every shop or stand that caught their eye, but now, the wizards who were even brave enough to venture to such a public place as Diagon Alley kept their eyes averted to the ground, looking as if they couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

There was, of course, one place that seemed to still have business. Weasley Wizard Wheezes seemed to be the only store still lit up in the alley; there was a constant ebb and flow of people into and out of the store and Addie watched in awe at the amount of business that the store was getting as she sat in a cozy corner with Hermione, who seemed appalled, yet intrigued by the trinkets around them.

“This stuff is… is…” she seemed at a loss for words.

“Amazing,” Addie finished her sentence, “Absolutely amazing. I can’t believe Fred and George actually had the brains to come up with some of this stuff.”

Hermione picked up a Decoy Detonator, with a bamboozled look on her face, “I just… don’t know why anyone would buy some of this stuff.”

“Times are dark,” Addie said, looking across the store at her sullen-faced best friend, “people are looking for anything to lighten the tension.” As she looked at his saddened face, she felt her own temporary happiness slipping away with each passing second. It was a wonder that she was able to be happy for even a few minutes, given what had happened just a few weeks prior. Harry, however, hadn’t been able to forget about it for even a few minutes. “Hey, I’m going to go talk to him,” Addie said, getting up from her spot on the floor, “Watch out for those love potions, Ron might try to slip you one.”

With a dirty look from Hermione, Addie made her way over to Harry, who had been looking at the same Headless Hat for ten minutes. Unnoticed by Harry, Addie picked one up and put one on her head, and immediately, it disappeared, “How do I look?”

“Brilliant,” Harry said flatly, barely looking up, “Better than usual.”


“Oh, God,” he said, looking up, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…I didn’t mean that…I didn’t really see that you put that on your head,” Harry stumbled over his words, trying to make up for nearly calling his best friend ugly.

Addie laughed, shaking out her dark hair as she pulled the hat off of her head, “Nice save, Potter.”

“Walk with me,” she said, grabbing his hand. She led him out the door into the nearly deserted alley. She spoke as they walked, neither really sure where they were going, “I know you don’t want to hear it, Harry, but I know how you feel.”

“You don’t,” he said quietly, “You don’t know, Addie.”

“How could I not know?”

“You just…he was all I had left! He was the only family that I had, and now he’s gone, just like my parents! You don’t understand.”

Addie inhaled calmly; she hated when Harry acted as though he was the only one who knew pain, “I loved Sirius, too, Harry.”

“It wasn’t the same.”

“How can you say that, Harry?” Addie couldn’t calm the anger in her voice, “How can you say that to me?”

“You have a family that loves you, Addie. I don’t have anyone.”

“Oh yeah, having a Death Eater for a father, I really find myself experiencing a lot of love.”

“You have your mum! She’s always talking you on Order trips with her; you’re hardly ever home to see your father anyway. And Remus loves you like his own! You do have a family!”

Addie sighed, leaning against a brick wall, thinking of the dysfunction that was her family: Mitchell Clayworth, her father, tall, built, dark-haired, and a Death Eater; Madeline Lacey, her mother, most commonly called by her middle name, Claire, short, blonde, and a member of the Order of the Phoenix. They were polar opposites and how they ever came to procreate, Addie had no idea.

They didn’t spend much time together as a family; Addie spent her time evenly divided between her mother and father, when she was with her mother, they were usually off on some kind of adventure for the Order, which Addie loved. Her time with her father was usually spent at the Malfoys.

Time with the Malfoys wasn’t as bad as some may think, mostly because her father and Lucius were usually never there, so she spent most of her time with Narcissa and Draco. In the nearly sixteen years that Addie had been spending time with Draco, they had become quite close, and that was something that her other friends couldn’t understand.

And then there was Remus Lupin, her godfather and her mother’s best friend. He was always there for her, and she loved him like a father, just as he loved her like a daughter. Remus was everything to her that her own father was not.

So, sure, she had a family, but that didn’t mean that Sirius was any less of a loss to her, “Yeah,” she replied, “I do,” she still couldn’t contain her anger, “I guess you’re right, Harry. Sirius didn’t mean nearly as much to me as he did to you, even though I knew him my entire life, growing up, visiting him in Azkaban--”

“You’re so right, Addie, you were closer to him than I was. I shouldn’t be grieving still because I was stuck living in a cupboard under the stairs at the Dursleys instead of having the privilege of visiting him at Azkaban!” He slunk down against the wall, head in his hands. Addie sat down next to him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder; she knew he was crying again, but didn’t want to show her.

They sat there, alone in the dusty alley for what seemed like an hour before Harry spoke again, “I know you loved him as much as I did,” she squeezed his shoulder when he spoke, “I know that night was just as hard for you as it was for me, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here.”

“I know you are,” he hesitated a minute, “I’m…I’m here, too, you know.” Addie nodded, silently, “You should really talk about it. It’s not go--”

“I don’t want to talk about McGregor, alright? Not right now.”

“Okay, but when you do…”

“I’ll let you know.”

Addie looked at to the sky; it was beginning to redden, the sun was going to set soon. She must have lost track of time. She had to get back to Knockturn Alley; she had to be at least an hour late.

“Harry, I’m sorry. I’m late. I’m so late. They are going to kill me. Quite literally, maybe,” Addie leapt to her feet and nearly fell in her haste. Harry stabilized her.

“What’s the rush? What’s wrong?”

“I‘m with my father today, I’m here with him and the Malfoys. I was supposed to be getting something out of my mother’s vault at Gringotts. They don’t know I’m with you. I’m going to be in so much trouble. I’m sorry. I’ll send you an owl and let you know if I survived the beating!”

As he watched her run off into the fading sunlight towards Knockturn Alley, worry bubbled in Harry’s throat, hoping that his best friend would be able to come up with a brilliant lie before she reached them.


Addie knew they were mad before she even shut the door to Borgin and Burkes. She could feel the anger in the room before she turned around to face them. She took her time closing the door, like it was an intricate task given to her by someone extremely important.

Holding her breath, she slowly turned, coming face to face with her father, Lucius, Draco, and Narcissa. Neither of the owners were around, which deeply frightened her. Of course, she would never let them know how fearful she was.

“Hello, Adrienne, have a nice day?” her father said. Addie stayed quiet. “It’s funny, you left three hours ago, telling us you were going to Gringotts--”

“I did go to Gringotts.”

“Oh, did you? Strange, none of the goblins there seem to remember you coming in.”

“Don’t you have anything better to do than spy on me, father?” she spat. Being a brat had gotten her nowhere with her father through the years, but she was not about to sit around and kiss his ass, like Draco did with his father.

Her father’s wand hit her cheek like a knife, and immediately she felt blood dripping down the side of her face. A single, deep, two inch slash was left on her face, but Addie didn’t move a muscle; she remained dead still in the middle of the store, eyes fixated on Draco, who didn’t do anything to defend her, but sent her a look of remorse.

“Where did you go, Adrienne?” his eyes were slits, ready to attack again.

“Like I would tell you a damn thing.”

The wand hit her bare upper arm this time, leaving another large, bleeding gash. Still, Addie didn’t move, she just stared blankly at Draco, who still refused to defend the girl that he called his closest friend.

“I think,” he said, circling his daughter, “that you were with Potter.”

Addie didn’t look at him. She just kept staring ahead into Draco’s icy blue eyes.

“What do you think, Lucius? What should I do about my daughter frolicking around Diagon Alley with our Dark Lord’s number one enemy?”

“Those who do not stand with the Dark Lord must be punished,” Lucius said mechanically, as if he had said it a dozen times.

“That,” her father said, as he circled back around her, “were my thoughts precisely.”

The curse hit her just as it had hit her a hundred times before, but it still hurt just as badly as it did the first time. It was as if a thousand knives were piercing through her body, stabbing right through her; it was debilitating, mind-numbing pain, and she couldn’t stop herself from crying out in agony, though she so desperately wished she could stand it, so he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of knowing that he had hurt her.

Addie fell to the floor in a crumpled heap, relief washing over her as the curse lifted. Her eyes were wet, though she couldn’t remember starting to cry, “Take her home,” her father said cruelly. She felt a pair of hand lift her from the ground and a moment later, she felt her lungs being contracted in her chest, and everything went black.


“You should have let mum do that before I brought you home.”

“No, thank you. I can do it myself.” Addie put the tip of her wand on her cheek, moving it slowly over the length of the cut, whispering a healing incantation. The wound felt warm, and new skin started forming immediately. She did the same to the cut on her arm.

“Why don’t you heal that all the way? It won’t scar then.”

“I want it to scar, alright?”

Addie stood in her massive bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror, Draco sat on her marble counter top, swinging his feet in the air. He looked at her, a little taken aback by her tone. She softened at the shocked look on his face, “Then I have proof of what he’s done to me; its like a reminder of his abuse.”

“Such an ugly thing to happen to such a beautiful face,” he said, cupping her injured cheek in his hand. Her brown eyes locked with his blue ones. He leaned in a little closer to her. Addie had been close to him in the past, but this was the first time she had felt so emotionally and physically close to him…

He kissed her forehead.

Clearing her throat and jumping up next to him on the counter she said, “So, um, where have our fathers gone off to? Voldie have a meeting?”

He ignored her nickname for Voldemort, “I believe so, yes.”

“So how come you’re not there?” she looked at him, deep in the eyes. Addie had known all summer that Draco had been attending more and more Death Eater meetings, though she pretended not to notice. It worried her. She didn’t want him to turn into one of them. He wasn’t like them. She knew the real Draco Malfoy and he was far from a Death Eater.

“Do you want me to be there?”

“No, I don’t,” she hesitated a moment, “but I know you’ve been going. You’ve been going all summer. Don’t deny it,” she added after seeing a look of denial cross his face. He nodded slowly, without a word. “You joined up, didn’t you?”

“There’s something I have to do. My father is making me. It’s not like I had a choice.”

She jumped off the counter, and stood in front of him. Her tiny body fit between his legs, “You have a choice. Let me help you. Let us help you, the Order.”

“I can’t,” he said weakly.

“Draco,” she said quietly into his ear, she lightly ran her fingers down his left arm. She felt him stir.

“Addie, I can’t…I… I can’t betray my family,” he stuttered.

She wasn’t sure what she was doing, exactly. Until then, she and Draco had been platonic, just friends. Just very good friends, but there had been something in the way he was looking at her a few minutes ago that told her he held the same desire for her that she had held for him for years.

Addie had a knack for reading even the most stone-faced people like a book, like it was some special power that she had.

“You hate this life, Draco. This isn’t what you want for yourself,” she had her lips moving against his ear this time; he was so preoccupied with trying to keep himself calm in the wake of the woman that he so desperately longed for, finally, finally touching him and talking to him the way that he wanted her to, that he didn’t notice when she unbuttoned the cuff of the left sleeve of his shirt.

“I know, but I just can’t,” a few beads of sweat formed on his forehead now. He was trying so hard to keep himself calm, but he wasn’t going to be able to contain his desire much longer. Calm and collected as he usually was, he sometimes had no choice but to shed that persona. After all, he was a teenage boy.

And she was his friend. His best friend. His beautiful, perfect, sexy, best friend…

He was so far into his fantasy that he didn’t notice when she brought his left arm towards her and lifted the sleeve. The only thing that pulled him out of his fantasy land was the gasp that escaped her lips, a gasp that wasn’t out of pleasure from something that he did to her.

The black mark seemed to swim across the skin on his arm. It stood out, contrasting with his pale skin. Addie didn’t know why it was such a shock to see it; she had seen it on her father hundreds of times, but to see it on Draco, on an arm where it didn’t belong…

She had expected it, though. He couldn’t possibly have gone to so many meetings without getting branded. Draco didn’t say anything, for there was nothing he could say. Addie traced her thumb over it, and he winced because it was still sensitive. It still had a faint, pink outline around it, from it being etched into his skin.

“Did it hurt?” It was kind of a silly question, but Addie felt like she needed to ask it.

“Yes, like hell.”

“Oh, my Draco…” she ran a hand through his hair, “What have you gotten yourself into?”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” he wrapped his big hands around her tiny waist.

“Of course I’ll worry,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. She buried her face into his neck, taking in his scent…

Then, a pop sounded from downstairs, “Addie!” her mother called, “I come bearing gifts, and your friends, who are dying to see you!”

Draco jumped off the counter in a panic and looked at Addie. Quickly, she grabbed his arm and buttoned his cuff again, “I won’t tell a soul, Draco,” she whispered softly into his ear, even in the panic of her mother returning home early, his knees went weak with her voice.

Addie pulled him through her bedroom, out to the third floor landing, and down the long flight of stairs. In the foyer, they were greeted by her mother, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, all of whom gasped, either at the sight of Addie’s face, or the fact that she had been up in her room alone with Draco, or both.

“Hey, Mum,” Addie said, giving her mother a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi, Mrs. Clayworth,” Draco said, feeling a bit guilty, even though nothing but a kiss on the forehead happened. He chose not to acknowledge the other people in the room, mostly out of courtesy to Addie.

Claire looked suspiciously from her daughter to Draco, “Hello, dear,” she said to him.

“I got worried when you didn’t owl…” Harry said, shooting a glare at his enemy.

“You worry too much, Harry, but one moment, I was uh, just showing Draco to the fireplace…” she said, yanking Draco out of the foyer and to the sitting room, where the only fireplace connected to the Floo Network was located.

“They think I did that to you,” he said.

“Well you didn’t. I’ll explain it, its not a big deal,” she said, grabbing some Floo Powder off of the mantle.

“I may as well have. I didn’t do anything to stop it…”

“Now is not the time to start feeling bad about that,” Addie pushed him into the fireplace, shoving some powder into his hands, “Here. I‘ll owl you later when they leave, and you can come back if you want; I just feel that if you’re here with them someone will end up dueling you… ”

“Goodbye, Addie.”

She watched as he was engulfed in the harmless green flames.